Besides Jeremy, I've had 2 other long term relationships. Together totalling 11 years, 2 proposals and 2 rings. The proposals were both accepted. So were the rings. Obviously both rings were returned and neither wedding happened - though one was much closer to a reality than the other.
I haven't talked to either of these guys in quite some time. Randy, it's been at least 10 years probably more, and John, about 4 years (the same John from this post). I last talked to him right after Jacob was born.
I crossed paths (unbeknownst) with both of them yesterday in cyber world. Randy, I came across on a popular social networking site. We have a few mutual friends but are not friends with each other. He's married now and is the local fire chief. (Now you know where the firetruck fetish comes from.) I had kept in touch with his grandmother through Christmas Cards but, she stopped sending a couple of years ago. Edna sends me newspaper clippings about him once in awhile. Our wedding plans started falling apart. I had quit planning. I knew I didn't want to get married and I cancelled our wedding about a month before it...because I met John.
I was doing a search online (unrelated actually) and John's name came up. Same address. Same phone number. Except there was a woman listed there too. A woman 3 years older than me. A woman with the same last name as his. He got married! And I bet she was the woman caller when I offered those Michigan tickets!! He wasn't getting married again! So I thought. So he told me. Oh, wait - he wasn't getting married to me-married again! I get it. It doesn't matter that I gave him his ring back. Right? He's supposed to miss me and pine for me, and be alone, for the rest of his life, right? So what that I didn't tell him I got married? So what that I let his mother show him my wedding announcement in the local newspaper about a year after I left? And again with Jacob's birth announcement because I couldn't manage the words when I called to tell him myself? Oh, that doesn't matter!
I walked away from John about a month before I met Jeremy. I got a letter in the mail from him and I never responded, and didn't make any attempt at a resolution. It was a fitting end to a relationship long overdue. 5 years overdue of the 6 years we were together. It simply wasn't meant to be, it wasn't from the beginning but, neither of us would admit it. Neither of us would let the other go.
Finding my strength and walking away from John was one of the best things I've ever done in my life. Marrying Jeremy and adopting Jacob would not have been possible had I not. I don't regret the choice that I made. Sometimes I struggle with the lack of closure but, I'll never regret the choice.
Wow. This hits home to me on so many levels. I always wonder what it will be like when I cross paths with my ex again. It's been 6 1/2 years since we spoke and the crossing paths hasn't happened yet, but I figure it is just a matter of time. I do, however, keep some tabs on him through my mom, who is friends with his mom and some other ladies from their town. I know he has a girlfriend now, but that's about it. Anyway, this post really got me to thinking and thanking God that our relationship also ended, like you, my life is so much better without him.
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