Out of practice

I'm back to work this morning after my wonderful holiday break (I last worked on December 23!). We stayed close to home this year. I didn't go to Manistee and we hosted Christmas with Jeremy's family at our house.

We did go sledding with Uncle David, Aunt Jenny, Brooke and Daisy.  Jacob's first time sledding.  I have some great pictures to share.  Even my big old butt got on the sled!  :)

I spoke to Edna on Christmas Day. The first time since around Halloween.

All in all, Christmas was good.  I like my new bathrobe (it's not PINK like my old one) and my mother-in-law came through with the much needed slippers that my husband watched me throw in the trash and didn't replace.  Thanks Mom!  Though I still haven't quite forgiven him for the perfume yet.  MAN PERFUME!!  It said "FOR MEN" on the box.  He did buy the right brand and I do like the men's version of it - on him.  Call it a win/win, I guess?

Jacob had a firetruck Christmas.  I know, big surprise, huh?  Firestation for his trains, Firetruck/Firefighter books, Lego Firetrucks and Firestation.  Even Santa brought him a firetruck!  And a sled!  I'll get some pictures up soon (I promise).  He was amazed that Santa liked our cookies and the reindeer ate "all the carrots!".  "Wook mommy!  He taked a bite!"

Today, driving in to work was the first I've driven since December 24. I've left my house. Maybe once or twice.

This is the first I've updated here in over 2 weeks. I rarely go that long between posts! I used to have so many ideas or subjects to blog about. At one point, I even had a whole queue of posts I had written ahead of time, set to publish. I look back and I can't believe I'm the same person that had so much to say.  Now, I tend to overthink every word.  Now, I find it easier to avoid this place altogether.  Now, I find it a struggle to even upload a few pictures and I still don't know how to get the pictures off of my camera!  Jeremy has showed me at least 10 times and I just can't grasp it. I'm not really comfortable writing anything anymore. I've started a number of other blogs, hidden of course, thinking Maybe I can write here. Maybe I can only write if I know it won't be read but, I've deleted them because it's not that I'm scared (anymore), it's that I feel I don't have anything to say or at least nothing of value.  Though, I have been reading other blogs - venturing out from my comfort zone, and added a few new bloggers to my collection of reading material.  While searching out some that I liked, I thought to myself what you write or what you say can't be any worse than this shit, can it?  I didn't think so either.

My company reinstated their tuition reimbursement program which is great. My boss is urging me to go back to school, which I should do, I want to do, and I need to do but, something is telling me that this isn't the right time. I'm not procrastinating. This is something I want to do!  I really do! Something stronger is telling me that the time isn't right. I don't know how to convey to him that the timing is off and I'm very uneasy about starting now.

Jeremy's work schedule has changed a little bit. He now has more regularly scheduled days off. This month, it's Tuesday and Sundays off. I'm not sure if this is going to continue this way, if he'll have different days off each month, or if this was just a one month fluke. I didn't know being the wife of a restaurant manager was going to be this lonely. It didn't register that he'd never be home at night or on weekends, that he'd never have holiday time off - that I'd be in this mostly alone. This change is going to hit hard on our day-care budget though, I think I'll take that in trade to have my husband home.

I'm feeling quite a bit out of sorts beginning this year. A little uncomfortable in my own skin. So many things have changed. I feel out of touch, out of practice. I spent a lot of time this break, staring at the television watching mindless programming in marathon formatting - so mindless that I'm embarrassed to even tell you of the junk I have watched. I think it's safe to say there may be a little underlying depression going on here.

I am going to make more of an effort to write again this year and to kick this funk I'm in. I'm going forward with the attitude of read or don't it's your choice. We, as a family have decided to travel less this year, stay closer to home and do more in our own community. We're still working to spend less, save more and it's been a small success in doing so. Hopefully, I can do this too. Though this Christmas, my resolve of not drinking pop has gone out the window (see my postscript). Some willpower I have!?!

I wish all of you a wonderful 2010 and I hope all of your wishes, plans and dreams come true!

P.S. MOUNTAIN DEW THROWBACK HAS RETURNED!!! (for a limited time, of course)