I talked to Amber

Sunday, was my day on the phone. I put Jacob down for a nap just before noon and as I putting him in his bed, the phone rang. It was my mom, whom I hadn't talked to in a little over a month. I talked to her for about 2 hours and Jeremy's mom beeped in on the call waiting. I talked to her for about a half an hour and then Amber beeped in.

Amber is doing okay. She's not as sick as she had been. She and Rob are getting things together for Nevaeh. They bought a bassinet and were looking for some clothes for her.

Amber did go for an ultrasound last week and she said it was really strange. She said the technician wouldn't turn the monitor towards her. She just clicked and took measurements, a few times she turned the monitor toward Amber to show her when Nevaeh would cover her face with her hands (brother Jacob did that a lot too). The technician finished up and told Amber she'd get the results from her Doctor. She said it was unlike any other ultrasound she's had - I guess she'd know. She's supposed to see her Doctor this week and I asked her to let me know what he says. They're saying Nevaeh is small, very small for gestation - which is a normal side effect of the prescription Amber was taking at the time of conception.

I also talked to her a little about the risk with this pregnancy. Amber stayed with us for a couple of months when Jacob was about 6 months old. She had a blood clot in her shoulder, in her leg, and by her heart. She needed in-home care and didn't have a home at the time so we let her stay with us. To reduce the clots and prevent future clots, her Doctor prescribed Coumadin. They don't know what this will do when the baby is delivered as it is a blood thinner making the risk of her bleeding to death after delivery very high, even though she isn't taking it anymore. Coumadin causes great risk to the unborn child, low birth weight, birth defects, spontaneous abortion, and even stillbirth. They highly advise you not to become pregnant while taking Coumadin and advise termination of the pregnancy. As we know, Amber doesn't use birth control - however, the original cause of the blood clots was a birth control patch.

I'm still not sure what road the Lord is steering us down. I'm not sure of the lesson I'm being taught through this. I don't know that I'll ever get an answer. I'm still praying for the will of God. I'm still praying for guidance and for strength. I'm trying to be there for Amber when she needs to talk. All in all, I'm still trying to avoid letting myself want this child while wanting everyone to be okay. I'm not sure what else I can do...