Writer's Cramp???

I think I had a bout of writer's cramp. I'd start to write, then I'd say to myself, "Self, what are you writing that shit for?". I'd delete it all and go do something else. I feel like writing today. It might still be shit but, I have to start again somewhere.

It's been hectic for us, that hasn't changed.

Jacob decided to out grow every item of clothing overnight. Jeremy had dressed him one morning and when I looked at Jacob, his sleeves were too short and I could see the outline of his belly button through the shirt. I informed Daddy, when shirts look like that, they're too small. I went out and bought a bunch of new shirts and pants last week - 4T. Luckily, I did manage to find a few great deals (like waffle weave henley shirts and dress pants for $2.50!) to restock him through Spring. I had to get some new summer stuff too and exchange some I had just bought. I thought my 3T bottoms would take me through summer and I was wrong. I did take a giant tote of clothing to the consignment store and I have another tote full and ready to go again! I did score a bunch of 5T jammies for $3.50 a pair while I was dropping off. Of course, I stocked up! Can someone please explain to me why kid's pajamas are so FREAKING expensive!?!

Jacob and I both went to the dentist this month. His first trip! He did pretty well. One of the Doctors has an affection for trains. There is a train that runs up toward the ceiling, around the waiting room, through a tunnel into the exam area, around and back again. They also have a fish tank with all the fish from Finding Nemo - Nemo, Dory, Jacques, Peach, and Gurgle. Like I said, he did pretty well, until he had to get in the chair for the Dr. to look at his teeth. He screamed. Like the Dr. said - If he's screaming, his mouth is open and he can't bite me. Good point. Jacob's teeth are good, we're brushing well and keeping them clean. See you next year. Actually, there is a little concern over an overbite, believed to be caused by the cleft palate but, he said we'd wait to see what happens with the permanent teeth. My appointment was uneventful - "perfect teeth, as always". I had cinnamon polish and they gave me a red toothbrush - as if you really cared.

I also managed to get our taxes done earlier this year. There's a certain sense of accomplishment having finished them in mid-February. We're eagerly anticipating our refund, actually I think Jacob is more than Jeremy or I. You see, we need a new vacuum. Mine broke. The dumb little thing on the bottom that adjusts for the height of the surface to be vacuumed, it broke off (not to mention this damn vacuum has like 5 filters and they need to be cleaned every 5 minutes to get any decent sort of suction). Every time I get out the vacuum, Jacob says, "Vacuum boken. Need a new one. A red vacuum." and he says this with a Sullivan nod. Yes, my speech delayed child does say 'vacuum'. So, by Jacob's special request, we are getting a new red vacuum. Try to contain your excitement, please.

Jacob's speech and OT are both going very well. Both therapists are very happy with the progress he is making though they would both like for him to talk more during the visits - funny he won't ever be quiet at home. We have handouts with practice words to work with at home and we're doing just that.

Jacob's SPD is still in full swing. The tags in shirts don't cause as much of a wig as they used to. He'll point out that a shirt has a tag before we put it on him. We always say "it's okay, Mommy/Daddy will fix it, promise" and that's enough for him. He doesn't like to wear jeans or khakis. He prefers "sweats" - don't we all? He still checks his toes every night for fuzz - and he has to check each foot 3 times before he's satisfied. We've had a new battle though. I REFUSE to take his socks off. He's 3! If he wants his socks off, he can do it his own self but, he cries "mommy do it!". Did I say that I refuse to take his socks off for him? He's now resorted to throwing himself on the floor while screaming and crying because I won't take his socks off. It's a great show! I'm still not touching those socks! He is eating new foods and is somewhat willing to try new things - he ate tuna casserole for the babysitter! Did I ever tell you, I HATE cooked tuna fish? We're recognizing more and more often what is SPD and what isn't while trying to stay sane!

I had mentioned a while ago about talking to and meeting Jacob's birth father's parents but I don't think I said that we had. The three of us took a trip over and spent a few hours with them. Have you ever met someone and just know that you were supposed to meet them? We were supposed to meet them! Grandma and I just clicked. I think, I could talk to that woman for hours on end and enjoy every minute - oh wait, I have! Jacob really enjoyed them too. He's been asking for "Bramma and Brampa Fif". I can't tell you how happy I am (or how happy they are) to have them in our lives. I truly look forward to seeing where this relationship takes us. They were so good with Jacob, so patient in letting him warm up. Boy, did Jacob reward them! He had hugs and kisses when we left, and all down the driveway "Bye Brampa, Bye Bramma!". We need to see them again soon. Maybe once both of our houses are done having colds...

Work is going better for me. I have a lot more direction. I've mastered some of my new tasks. I'm still a little unsure of expectations and my internet time is rather limited, I am to a point where I can function rather than just stew in confusion. I have been very busy learning and doing. I've had to dig out a few old hats I had buried in my closet that I haven't worn in a while and I'm relearning what each hat does. The main thing is that I'm doing it and I'm feeling better about it. I still hurt for those who have been forced to move on and it's hard to be the one left behind too.

Speaking of being the one left behind - I guess that's part of why I haven't felt like talking. When you're left behind, the things you once talked to these people about, the things you shared so freely, now are guarded as they're not here everyday anymore. Those people, though you still like them as much as before, they're not part of this atmosphere anymore. You're afraid to disclose too much or to be misunderstood. It's safer to close up. You always just hope they understand while you let them grieve. Hopefully, when their grieving is over, they come back.

I hope you enjoyed, maybe enjoyed isn't the right selection here, my word vomit. I have a few Jacob-isms to post and I'll get back to writing some time soon, real soon. I think I'm going to ease back in, ramp up - so I don't hurt myself.