Traits of an Empath #25

25. Excellent listener: An empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.

This one is tough for me.

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. ~Mignon McLaughlin,

I don't think I am an excellent listener though I have heard it many times.  My husband, in every argument says to me "Are you going to listen to me this time...?"

I don't like to talk about my insides, my thoughts, my feelings, my goals, my dreams, my childhood, or my mother.  I was, when I was younger, much more open than I am now.  I have had things that I have said or felt used against me.  Broadcast to everyone who would listen.  I have been lured and lied to.  I have been tricked and teased.  I keep my past pretty private. 

It was very hard for me, in the beginning to write here.  As a child, I was never encouraged to be creative, or to write.  Writing was always a criticism waiting to happen - more a battle waiting to be waged.  Diaries were never respected.  Letters were always read.  Privacy was expected to be compromised.  How does one express themselves knowing the result will be punishment of some sort?  They don't.  They hold it all in until one day, it just explodes.  Thankfully, it waited until I was grown up, out of reach, out of grasp.

In those days, it became easier to listen. A matter of survival.  To detach myself and just listen.  Sometimes to listen until I thought my ears might bleed.  To simply shut my mouth and listen.  For what seemed like hours.  Wishing that my ears would please fall off.  If I listened, there was no screeching, no yelling, no fighting, no beady little black eyes boring holes into my little soul.  And there was peace.

What began as an act, evolved as I got older. I got better at hearing, though maybe it was better at patronizing.  As I'm getting older, I'm getting better at discerning what to tune in to, and what to tune out.  I hate when I get them confused and have to make someone repeat!  I'm working again to close my trap and to listen, this time carefully sorting what is needed and what is not.  This time, making better choices of those to listen to.  And she...she is not one of the choices.

I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. ~Charles C. Finn