What If?

Whatif by Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow tall?
Whatif my head starts getting small?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

I had read this many moons ago but, today something Jeremy said reminded me of it and I had to read it again.

There have been so many "whatif's for us.  7+ years.

Whatif she doesn't like us?Whatif she wants him back? Whatif social services comes to take him away?  Whatif after all this adoption we do conceive? Whatif he doesn't walk? Whatif he doesn't talk?  Whatif therapy doesn't work?  Whatif he can't go to school?  Whatif his cleft palate is serious?  Whatif his ears keep bleeding?  What if he weighs too much?  Whatif he doesn't eat enough?  Whatif the house catches fire?  Whatif he doesn't make friends?  Whatif he thinks we don't love him?

Whatif I do it wrong?

Whatif I do it right?

Whatif we never take a chance and let him grow?  Whatif we do, start to let him go?  Whatif something happens and I'm not right there? 

Whatif this parenting thing was easy?