R = Resolve

When I made the decision to do this exercise, I hadn't planned on coming home last Friday to a child with a bum knee, spending an excellent Saturday with my in-laws, or playing in the pool with my kid and my dog today.  I took a little time off for my family, I needed some fun with them too.

Oddly, I'm coming back to the word resolve, which has been a big word for me lately.  I'm typically a person who once I make up my mind, I've made up my mind.  I'm determined and I go until I'm finished.  Most times, that includes people too. When it comes to people and relationships, I generally stick to my guns.

Resolve to be thyself; and know that he who finds himself, loses his misery.  ~Matthew Arnold

I have made a resolution I guess you'd say, to look at life differently, to look at people in my life differently, to look at myself differently.  I've taken a strained relationship from my past and I'm trying to fix it, trying to rebuild it.  Instead of focusing on the negative and picking at the old scars, I want to see the good things and focus on those.  It's so much work to remember all the wrongs, and I no longer want to keep score.  I found when I let my guard down and decide to let go and have fun, I do, I really do.  It's the process or the thought of doing so I find difficult!

I don't want to not like people.  I don't want to come off as snobby, as unkind, unfriendly, unapproachable.  I don't want to be miserable.  I want to be warm, and fun, kind and friendly.  I want to be myself.