Q = Quiet

I'm so tired today.  I went for a second coffee at 10:30 this morning which is quite rare for me considering I barely finish the one I brought from home before noon.  I just couldn't wake up and get with it this morning!  Jeremy has been working days this week and for some reason, when he's home at night, we go to bed later.

I remember the weekends when I could go to my bed as early as I wanted, sleep as late as I wanted, get up whenever I wanted.  I'm lucky to sleep past 8 AM on a weekend now.  In days past I never thought much about how quiet this house was in the morning.  Especially if Jeremy went to work first thing in the AM...oh, it was the nearest thing to heaven!  And I totally took it for granted!

On a typical morning, Jacob arrives to my bed sometime between 6 and 7AM.  He climbs over Jeremy to lie in the middle of the bed, sometimes he'll go back to sleep, sometimes he'll watch TV but, it's never without me saying, at least twice, "JACOB!  Be Quiet and quit moving!".  Yeah, it never works.  After about the third round, Jeremy gets up to let the wagging dog out and if I'm lucky, Jacob follows them downstairs.  I try and I try to go back to sleep but, ah hell, it's just no use.  I'm awake.  Once in a great while, I can get Jacob to quietly watch cartoons until 8:30 - only if it's a rare cosmic alignment.

Jacob is always home with us, with me.  I am the full-time, all the time parent.  Jeremy has a few nights off but, me - I'm always on duty.  Jacob has spent the night with Grandma & Grandpa a handful of times.  You'd think on those nights, I'd take full advantage and sleep in, right?  I can't.  I wake up at 7:00, afraid something happened to my child in the night because he's not in my bed yet.  It's just too quiet.  Even Kelsey, if she's quiet, I'll sleep all night but, as soon as I hear her tags clinking together - I'm up!  Wide awake.  I'm kinda scared she'll pee on the floor in the night to tell the truth - even if she is fully housebroken. Or she's up because Jeremy isn't home yet and she knows he's late.

Like tonight, the evenings when Jeremy is home for a stretch, I find myself letting the boys go on walks or to the park without me just for the 30 minutes (or more) of peace and quiet.  Time to be alone with my thoughts.  Time off from being the parent.  I generally just sit and enjoy the quiet.  It's the best 30 minutes of my day.