G = Generosity

And now this exercise gets a little tougher...

I'm so weird.  As these words/letters get a little more complex, I'm looking them up in the dictionary, the encyclopedias, and in some cases even the Bible.  Yes, I am that particular but, more I want to make sure I completely understand the definition or meaning of the word.

Some of you may know this, some of you may not.  Some may have seen the change some may not.  Over the last probably 2 years I have become increasingly aware of God and his presence in my everyday life.  He has sent me on many 'soul searching' missions within myself and most times, I have NOT been happy with what I have seen.  I can't go back in time and undo all of my wrongs.  The most I can do is apologize and move forward on the right foot.

One area where I have struggled in the past was with generosity, or being generous.  I was taught, or I learned some how, somewhere - everything in life should have a price tag, a reward, a debt, a payment, a thanks attached.  Well, why?  If you genuinely love and care for the people closest to you, that should be unconditional, not require any type of reimbursement.

I think of one person in my past where I gave and I gave, I did and I did, I tried and I tried, and in my mind a simple "Thank you." just wasn't cutting it. I wanted some sort of reciprocation.  Some sort of acknowledgement.  Some big lavish, fawning, praise.   And I was angry because  I wasn't getting enough in return.  I wasn't getting enough in return!  What reward was I after - what did I want?   God sent me to re-evaluate my relationship with this person.  He showed me where I had wronged her, myself, my husband and I saw myself as being so, so ugly.   This mom and I, we've always had some, uh, let's say there has been some friction between us, and I have to tell you, she's one helluva person for still wanting to be friends with me!

Just before Christmas, I received a message that this same person again needed help, and well, I helped.  I helped with ZERO reservation, ZERO expectation. And you know what, seeing that mom take the credit from her family, watching those kids adore their mom, seeing the genuine tears of thankfulness in her eyes was more than enough 'payment' for me! 

Jeremy asked me at one point during this mission, how much more I had planned to help, and I said "God says, I have done enough now."  I, just now as I'm typing this, realized, I haven't contributed anything to that family since then.  Where I would typically look at Goodwill for clothing, shoes for them, every time I've thought 'I should look for...', my little voice says "you have done enough'.  I'm so used to that voice, I just nod and move on.

Generosity.  It's not charity.  It is giving to someone in need without expecting anything in return.  - Short definition for such a long lesson.  A lesson I am glad to have finally learned the correct definition!

(I have closed comments to this post.  I have done what God led me to do, and what in my heart I know is right.  I appreciate the sentiments you may like to share but, I didn't write this for that reason.  I appreciate your understanding.)