I had a lot of fun with the Alphabet blogging this last month but, I mostly enjoyed opening up and writing what came to mind from each prompt. It does get too easy to come out here to go off on big rant or to share the latest goofiness of my kid and my dog. I don't want to do just that and so, I thought I'd do another month of writing. And well, this topic was suggested to me and I liked it!
I have another writing challenge coming up. 15 Foods is the next topic and I'll start out with 15 foods that are my favorites. I'll share the what's and why's and probably some of my favorite recipes with you too. And toward the middle of the month, we'll hit on my 15 dislikes and things I wouldn't eat if you paid me to.
Now, I do have to warn you ahead of time - I will contradict myself in my 'dislikes'. Take fish for instance - I don't like fish - for the most part. Though I do like me some perch, baked walleye, or deep fried cod. For fear of my gag reflex - there are many that I won't mention right now but, you'll find out what fish has made me toss my cookies in a hospital bathroom. See what I mean!?!
We'll see how it goes, see what happens. I think this will be a fun opportunity, some fun practice.
June 1 is the magic day to start and June 30 should be the day I'll end.
I'm looking forward to this new challenge and I hope you'll read along.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
The Soldier - Memorial Day 2012
The Soldier
It is the soldier, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the soldier, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,
who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the soldier,
who salutes the flag,
who serves under the flag,
and whose coffin is draped by the flag,
who allows the protester to burn the flag.
By Charles M. Province, copyright 1970, 2010
Thank you Soldiers for your service and dedication to our country.
We also thank the members of our family who fought for freedom under our flag.
Daniel Benson Nolff - who gave his life in service of our country on October 29, 1966
Claude E. Harper -- POW WWII
Henry "Butch" Nolff Sr. (July 4, 2003) -- Vietnam
Wilbur "Web" Elenbaas (Sept. 4, 1999) -- Korea
Larry Hagen (Dec. 26, 2008) -- Korea
John L. Coleman (July 24, 1994) -- WWII
Arthur A. Elenbaas (March 10, 2011) -- WWII
Clayton H. Elenbaas (April 6, 2001) -- WWII
Gordon F. Elenbaas (November 8, 1999) -- WWII
Richard Elenbaas (Sept. 4, 1970) -- WWI
And those who also served.
J. Alan Coleman, USMC
Don Harper, US Army
Bill Harper, US Air Force
Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as lasting as the land they honored. ~Daniel Webster
It is the soldier, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the soldier, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,
who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the soldier,
who salutes the flag,
who serves under the flag,
and whose coffin is draped by the flag,
who allows the protester to burn the flag.
By Charles M. Province, copyright 1970, 2010
Thank you Soldiers for your service and dedication to our country.
We also thank the members of our family who fought for freedom under our flag.
Daniel Benson Nolff - who gave his life in service of our country on October 29, 1966
Claude E. Harper -- POW WWII
Henry "Butch" Nolff Sr. (July 4, 2003) -- Vietnam
Wilbur "Web" Elenbaas (Sept. 4, 1999) -- Korea
Larry Hagen (Dec. 26, 2008) -- Korea
John L. Coleman (July 24, 1994) -- WWII
Arthur A. Elenbaas (March 10, 2011) -- WWII
Clayton H. Elenbaas (April 6, 2001) -- WWII
Gordon F. Elenbaas (November 8, 1999) -- WWII
Richard Elenbaas (Sept. 4, 1970) -- WWI
And those who also served.
J. Alan Coleman, USMC
Don Harper, US Army
Bill Harper, US Air Force
Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as lasting as the land they honored. ~Daniel Webster
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Z = Zuzu's Petals
When this whole alphabet blogging thing came up, Jeremy was the first to fill in Z and the first thing he said was "Zuzu's Petals" from It's a Wonderful Life. And this post, I knew from the start of this project what I was going to share. I guess you could say I was holding out for the last post.
When I was a kid my mom had this little itty-bitty brown, cut glass, vase. It was always in the kitchen window - I think it had a brother in green at one time but, if so, he's long gone. This vase is only 4" tall and cute as a bug's ear. Sometimes, she used it to help root smaller plants but, mostly it was just perfect for those little bouquets of daisies, violets, or dandelions that us kids loved to pick out of the grass and give to our mom. At least I loved to!
When Jacob was about 3 or 4 we had stopped over to my mom's house and this little vase was still on her windowsill - where it's been for the last 30 some years - probably since I last filled it with flowers for her. I've passed it at least a hundred times. I never thought about it, never asked about it. I don't even know where it came from. She and I were in the kitchen as I was packing up to head home when she turned back, reached out to the windowsill and she passed this little brown vase on to me and said "you're a mom now, it's your turn to have this for the flowers Jacob will bring to you". She knew what was coming. She knew all about little boys.
I took that little vase home with me, wrapped with care so nothing could happen to it. I don't have a windowsill over my kitchen sink but, I do have a little shelf where it sits waiting for the next little bouquet.
My mom's little brown vase is rarely without petals again and now I know what it's like to get these little flowers...the best flowers I've ever been given, from this little boy...who's stolen my heart. He calls me mom! He loves to pick flowers for me. He comes in with a little stem of a flower and they float perfectly in my mom's little vase. Just like she knew they would. Just like they did when they were for her.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Y = Youth
Ah the pity. Youth is wasted on the young. ~ George Bernard Shaw
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith
Remember when our parents used to say "Enjoy this time now, when you're older you won't be able to get it back."? And we all thought, "yeah, right, whatever old farts..."
As 40 looms in the not so far off distance (no - not this year), my mind doesn't feel almost 40 but, my body sure does! Aches, pains, cracks, and more visits to the chiropractor are certainly in my future. These crazy people ask if we're going to have - they mean adopt - another child and my answer is always "God knows my limitations. He will never give me more than I can handle."
Looking forward, I've come to appreciate what my life has been so far. I've met some great people and some not so great people. I've loved and been loved. I've hurt and I've been hurt. I've had more than my share of losses. I've counted my blessings and I've wondered if God could possibly bless me again. And he has, in fact my cup runneth over!
I always loved the question - if you could go back in time to your youth and change anything, what would you change or do differently? My answer now is nothing. I wouldn't change anything. The mistakes I've made in my youth have made me the person I am today. Each one of them was meant to be a lesson to me. To teach me. And they have.
I'm closing in on a milestone in my life, and one thing I have always held close to my heart is the poem Footprints In The Sand. When I do look back, and at the lowest points, at relationships that failed, friendships that were lost, losing my sister, losing my dad, all of those times when there was only one set of footprints - The Lord said "It was then that I carried you". I look back at my life, my youth and all of the mistakes I've made, things I thought maybe I should have done differently but, I know those were my times of trial, and my Lord was carrying me through those times just as they were supposed to be.
It's fun to remember the carefree times of being a child, riding bikes until the street lights came on, playing in the sand or the water on the beach, and yes, it's true, I guess I didn't know what I had then. Yet, I don't think I could have the same appreciation for it now if I did.
My question to you - if you could go back to your youth and change anything, would you?
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith
Remember when our parents used to say "Enjoy this time now, when you're older you won't be able to get it back."? And we all thought, "yeah, right, whatever old farts..."
As 40 looms in the not so far off distance (no - not this year), my mind doesn't feel almost 40 but, my body sure does! Aches, pains, cracks, and more visits to the chiropractor are certainly in my future. These crazy people ask if we're going to have - they mean adopt - another child and my answer is always "God knows my limitations. He will never give me more than I can handle."
Looking forward, I've come to appreciate what my life has been so far. I've met some great people and some not so great people. I've loved and been loved. I've hurt and I've been hurt. I've had more than my share of losses. I've counted my blessings and I've wondered if God could possibly bless me again. And he has, in fact my cup runneth over!
I always loved the question - if you could go back in time to your youth and change anything, what would you change or do differently? My answer now is nothing. I wouldn't change anything. The mistakes I've made in my youth have made me the person I am today. Each one of them was meant to be a lesson to me. To teach me. And they have.
I'm closing in on a milestone in my life, and one thing I have always held close to my heart is the poem Footprints In The Sand. When I do look back, and at the lowest points, at relationships that failed, friendships that were lost, losing my sister, losing my dad, all of those times when there was only one set of footprints - The Lord said "It was then that I carried you". I look back at my life, my youth and all of the mistakes I've made, things I thought maybe I should have done differently but, I know those were my times of trial, and my Lord was carrying me through those times just as they were supposed to be.
It's fun to remember the carefree times of being a child, riding bikes until the street lights came on, playing in the sand or the water on the beach, and yes, it's true, I guess I didn't know what I had then. Yet, I don't think I could have the same appreciation for it now if I did.
My question to you - if you could go back to your youth and change anything, would you?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
X = X-ray (duh! What else!?!)
It was either this or xylophone and seeing as I don't have any experience with one of those what-so-ever, X-ray it is!
I remember my first experience with an X-ray. I was about 22 and I was having some terrific problems with my tummy. I kept getting so sick. Finally, my Dr. ordered an Upper G.I. Tract X-ray. I went to the hospital for this test and I had to drink this horrible orange flavored chalk as the tech took the pictures. They needed to see how this chalk flowed into my stomach to determine if I had an ulcer. This commando woman was at the end of the table, ordering me, "Drink. Breathe. Don't Breathe.". And then I choked on that shit and I'm coughing, coughing, coughing, and she yells at me "I said Don't Breathe!". Maybe she wanted me to die right there on her table?
My 2nd experience was much calmer, though a lot more painful and I'm about to get a whole bunch of TMI here so...In the midst of infertility, one of the tests they do is called a Hysterosalpingogram or HSG. The Dr. injects dye through the cervix into the uterus which flows into the fallopian tubes. It's done to see if there is a blockage. Thankfully mine was clear - or so Jeremy said, I couldn't see the teensy TV screen as there were 10 other people with their big heads in there who'd never seen the procedure but, hey...they learned something, right? Of my experiences, this was the worst! SEVERE cramping for about an hour while my body expelled the dye (contrast). I remember kneeling on the seat of my truck, curled in a ball with my head down on the center console and crying, waiting for the dye to leave. And then, poof! All the pain was gone!
I've had a few other experiences with X-rays since - nothing special - a chest, a knee, my ankle, of course the every six months at the dentist. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal but, really it is amazing the technology available to us, the advancements in medicine over the decades to allow them to see what is happening inside the human body. What'll they come up with next?
I remember my first experience with an X-ray. I was about 22 and I was having some terrific problems with my tummy. I kept getting so sick. Finally, my Dr. ordered an Upper G.I. Tract X-ray. I went to the hospital for this test and I had to drink this horrible orange flavored chalk as the tech took the pictures. They needed to see how this chalk flowed into my stomach to determine if I had an ulcer. This commando woman was at the end of the table, ordering me, "Drink. Breathe. Don't Breathe.". And then I choked on that shit and I'm coughing, coughing, coughing, and she yells at me "I said Don't Breathe!". Maybe she wanted me to die right there on her table?
My 2nd experience was much calmer, though a lot more painful and I'm about to get a whole bunch of TMI here so...In the midst of infertility, one of the tests they do is called a Hysterosalpingogram or HSG. The Dr. injects dye through the cervix into the uterus which flows into the fallopian tubes. It's done to see if there is a blockage. Thankfully mine was clear - or so Jeremy said, I couldn't see the teensy TV screen as there were 10 other people with their big heads in there who'd never seen the procedure but, hey...they learned something, right? Of my experiences, this was the worst! SEVERE cramping for about an hour while my body expelled the dye (contrast). I remember kneeling on the seat of my truck, curled in a ball with my head down on the center console and crying, waiting for the dye to leave. And then, poof! All the pain was gone!
I've had a few other experiences with X-rays since - nothing special - a chest, a knee, my ankle, of course the every six months at the dentist. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal but, really it is amazing the technology available to us, the advancements in medicine over the decades to allow them to see what is happening inside the human body. What'll they come up with next?
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
W = Worry
There is no use worrying about things over which you have no control, and if you have control, you can do something about them instead of worrying. ~ Stanley C. Allyn
I am not a worrier. That said, I like to know the worst of a situation so I can prepare for it and then when the outcome is better than what I had prepared for, well - I guess I'm happy (happy doesn't seem the right word). Concern? Yes, I can be concerned. Concern is not the same as worry
I also prefer to be the one in control. If I am in control, I have nothing to worry about. How can I worry when it's all in my control?
My control? Who am I fooling?
There is nothing in my control. It's all in God's hands right? Doesn't he say to leave everything in his hands, to his mercy and he'll take care of us? Aren't we to pray for his will?
Why worry? No matter what I say, no matter what I do, no matter how much I worry, I'll never change the outcome. God has it all under control. Not me!
I am not a worrier. That said, I like to know the worst of a situation so I can prepare for it and then when the outcome is better than what I had prepared for, well - I guess I'm happy (happy doesn't seem the right word). Concern? Yes, I can be concerned. Concern is not the same as worry
I also prefer to be the one in control. If I am in control, I have nothing to worry about. How can I worry when it's all in my control?
My control? Who am I fooling?
There is nothing in my control. It's all in God's hands right? Doesn't he say to leave everything in his hands, to his mercy and he'll take care of us? Aren't we to pray for his will?
Why worry? No matter what I say, no matter what I do, no matter how much I worry, I'll never change the outcome. God has it all under control. Not me!
V = Vivacious
Jeremy's mom and dad came in to join us for Jacob's Spring concert this afternoon. They did a little singing redition of Eric Carle's book The Very Hungry Caterpiller. Complete with "Butterfly" dancers!I was hoping to share pictures but, mine either have some woman's hair, Jacob isn't looking in my direction or they have another kid in them. I'm a little sad.
It was a cute show. Some kids had extra parts, I saw a few soloists and Jacob played both the triangle and their little xylophone. But, what really struck me, most of the boys, okay...all of the boys were kind of standing around with their hands in their pockets, holding up the walls. Not my Jacob! He was dancing, jumping up and down, waving his arms in the air, having a great time. The Butterfly Dancers with their wings (women's scarves) in each hand 'flew' up the middle aisle and down the sides! Breathtakingly Beautiful!
That also explains why Jacob read The Very Hungry Caterpiller about 10 times in the last 2 weeks!
It was a cute show. Some kids had extra parts, I saw a few soloists and Jacob played both the triangle and their little xylophone. But, what really struck me, most of the boys, okay...all of the boys were kind of standing around with their hands in their pockets, holding up the walls. Not my Jacob! He was dancing, jumping up and down, waving his arms in the air, having a great time. The Butterfly Dancers with their wings (women's scarves) in each hand 'flew' up the middle aisle and down the sides! Breathtakingly Beautiful!
That also explains why Jacob read The Very Hungry Caterpiller about 10 times in the last 2 weeks!
Monday, May 21, 2012
U = Unique
"I'm not like anyone else. I don't need to follow anyone's lead. I'm all I really ever need to be. I'm just simply me. I'm just simply unique!"- M.E.W.
Unique. I think we're all unique. I certainly know I AM! And I'm perfectly O.K. with it!
I like to read books that are a little bit off the beaten path. The #1 bestsellers don't generally appeal to me. I don't want to read what everyone else is reading. I want to read what I want.
I like to travel. I like to go and to see. The top 10 tourist destinations do not apply to me. I don't want to see those things. I'm not making a list of "I've been there, have you?" I don't want to see what everyone else is seeing. I want to see what I want.
I like movies. The box office hit is generally something I'd like to see but, only because something in trailer caught my attention, not because it's the "Go see movie of the year!". I'm typically disappointed in movies. My first thought is always "I'd rather read the book".
I watch very few TV programs - at least not consistantly. I have a couple of 'musts' for me but, they're not mainstream popular shows. I'll watch them once they hit syndication and then only sparadically.
I have a difficult time in crowds. I can't hear well, I can't focus. I get terribly afraid of Jacob getting disconnected from me. In a crowd, I tend to pick up the negative energy from people - have you ever noticed how much easier it is to come down to a friends bad mood than to bring them into your good mood? Negative energy and I don't mean ghostly or haunting or evil. I just mean unhappy is so much stronger. It has such a pull. I'm very sensitive to it. Anyway, I can sense it and I try to avoid it.
I prefer the road less traveled by with less people and less stuff. My home does not follow any trends, it's only what I take comfort in. It's comfortable, it's practical, it's me. I prefer antiques to new things. Soft corners to hard edges. I like storage and organization, neat and tidy. It's not always what I get but, it's what I like.
I always believed that I was God's unique creation, that there was no other out there like me. I've never really been one to follow the crowd but, the friends I had weren't crowd followers either. I was most generally accepted as me, for me. Even with all my 'uniqueness'. For when I look at my friends, they're all a little unique too. Unique in their traits, their abilities, strengths and weaknesses. We're all unique! Thank God! For what would thing world be like if all of us were the same?
Unique. I think we're all unique. I certainly know I AM! And I'm perfectly O.K. with it!
I like to read books that are a little bit off the beaten path. The #1 bestsellers don't generally appeal to me. I don't want to read what everyone else is reading. I want to read what I want.
I like to travel. I like to go and to see. The top 10 tourist destinations do not apply to me. I don't want to see those things. I'm not making a list of "I've been there, have you?" I don't want to see what everyone else is seeing. I want to see what I want.
I like movies. The box office hit is generally something I'd like to see but, only because something in trailer caught my attention, not because it's the "Go see movie of the year!". I'm typically disappointed in movies. My first thought is always "I'd rather read the book".
I watch very few TV programs - at least not consistantly. I have a couple of 'musts' for me but, they're not mainstream popular shows. I'll watch them once they hit syndication and then only sparadically.
I have a difficult time in crowds. I can't hear well, I can't focus. I get terribly afraid of Jacob getting disconnected from me. In a crowd, I tend to pick up the negative energy from people - have you ever noticed how much easier it is to come down to a friends bad mood than to bring them into your good mood? Negative energy and I don't mean ghostly or haunting or evil. I just mean unhappy is so much stronger. It has such a pull. I'm very sensitive to it. Anyway, I can sense it and I try to avoid it.
I prefer the road less traveled by with less people and less stuff. My home does not follow any trends, it's only what I take comfort in. It's comfortable, it's practical, it's me. I prefer antiques to new things. Soft corners to hard edges. I like storage and organization, neat and tidy. It's not always what I get but, it's what I like.
I always believed that I was God's unique creation, that there was no other out there like me. I've never really been one to follow the crowd but, the friends I had weren't crowd followers either. I was most generally accepted as me, for me. Even with all my 'uniqueness'. For when I look at my friends, they're all a little unique too. Unique in their traits, their abilities, strengths and weaknesses. We're all unique! Thank God! For what would thing world be like if all of us were the same?
T = Trips
Oh yay! I am so happy to finally be able to share something fun rather than all of those deep, thought provoking, opinion, and observation words!
Summer is right around the corner and we generally like to throw in a few day trips around and about. I'll share with you some places I'd like to go both for day trips and even some longer trips. If you have been there, please feel free to share about your trip, let me know if you'd like to make a trip with us, or if you know somewhere in lower Michigan we should try for, I'm also open to suggestions. We have done the common things already - John Ball Zoo, Binder Park Zoo, The GR Children's Museum. We're talking new fresh, stuff. Preferably kind of off-the-beaten-path stuff.
I'm not planning all of these for this summer. We'll see what we can work in and we have plenty of summers to get through the whole list!
Frankenmuth
Ford River Rouge Plant - My grandfather worked there when he was young.
Boulder Ridge Wild Animal Park
MOO-ville Creamery
Curious Kids' Museum and Discovery Zone
Amber Elk Ranch
Beaver Island
Mackinac Island
Rent a cottage on a lake for a week
Spend a day at Lake Michigan
Critter Barn
Engine #5 Museum
Coopersville & Marne Railway
Summer is right around the corner and we generally like to throw in a few day trips around and about. I'll share with you some places I'd like to go both for day trips and even some longer trips. If you have been there, please feel free to share about your trip, let me know if you'd like to make a trip with us, or if you know somewhere in lower Michigan we should try for, I'm also open to suggestions. We have done the common things already - John Ball Zoo, Binder Park Zoo, The GR Children's Museum. We're talking new fresh, stuff. Preferably kind of off-the-beaten-path stuff.
I'm not planning all of these for this summer. We'll see what we can work in and we have plenty of summers to get through the whole list!
Frankenmuth
Ford River Rouge Plant - My grandfather worked there when he was young.
Boulder Ridge Wild Animal Park
MOO-ville Creamery
Curious Kids' Museum and Discovery Zone
Amber Elk Ranch
Beaver Island
Mackinac Island
Rent a cottage on a lake for a week
Spend a day at Lake Michigan
Critter Barn
Engine #5 Museum
Coopersville & Marne Railway
Sunday, May 20, 2012
S = Secrets
There are times when I can't believe Jeremy and I have shared 11 years together. There are times when it feels like one hundred and 11 years...
In the past 11 years, I have somehow come to the point where it is absolutely impossible for me to keep a secret from my husband. I simply cannot do it. I never thought I'd find someone I'd love so much, trust so much that I couldn't keep anything from.
Last year, Jeremy turned 40 and I terribly wanted to throw him a surprise party. I started putting everything together, making phone calls, setting it all up and as it got closer, I couldn't keep all of the excitement to myself and...well... the surprise didn't work out.
A party is so small in comparison to what can happen to a marriage, to what can fall apart in a marriage, to all of the little things held together in a marriage. Honesty plays a HUGE role. I couldn't lie to my husband about a party. I can guarantee, I can't lie to him about ANYTHING big.
No, I'm not one of those women who tell my husband everything. Say you came to me with a secret, one I couldn't tell anyone, it's a good bet that I wouldn't tell him, unless I was involved in the outcome. It doesn't involve me, it doesn't involve our family, it's none of his business.
Simply said, a marriage cannot be built on lies and mistrust nor can a friendship. I married my best friend. I can't imagine a moment of time without him. Why keep secrets from him?
In the past 11 years, I have somehow come to the point where it is absolutely impossible for me to keep a secret from my husband. I simply cannot do it. I never thought I'd find someone I'd love so much, trust so much that I couldn't keep anything from.
Last year, Jeremy turned 40 and I terribly wanted to throw him a surprise party. I started putting everything together, making phone calls, setting it all up and as it got closer, I couldn't keep all of the excitement to myself and...well... the surprise didn't work out.
A party is so small in comparison to what can happen to a marriage, to what can fall apart in a marriage, to all of the little things held together in a marriage. Honesty plays a HUGE role. I couldn't lie to my husband about a party. I can guarantee, I can't lie to him about ANYTHING big.
No, I'm not one of those women who tell my husband everything. Say you came to me with a secret, one I couldn't tell anyone, it's a good bet that I wouldn't tell him, unless I was involved in the outcome. It doesn't involve me, it doesn't involve our family, it's none of his business.
Simply said, a marriage cannot be built on lies and mistrust nor can a friendship. I married my best friend. I can't imagine a moment of time without him. Why keep secrets from him?
R = Resolve
When I made the decision to do this exercise, I hadn't planned on coming home last Friday to a child with a bum knee, spending an excellent Saturday with my in-laws, or playing in the pool with my kid and my dog today. I took a little time off for my family, I needed some fun with them too.
Oddly, I'm coming back to the word resolve, which has been a big word for me lately. I'm typically a person who once I make up my mind, I've made up my mind. I'm determined and I go until I'm finished. Most times, that includes people too. When it comes to people and relationships, I generally stick to my guns.
Resolve to be thyself; and know that he who finds himself, loses his misery. ~Matthew Arnold
I have made a resolution I guess you'd say, to look at life differently, to look at people in my life differently, to look at myself differently. I've taken a strained relationship from my past and I'm trying to fix it, trying to rebuild it. Instead of focusing on the negative and picking at the old scars, I want to see the good things and focus on those. It's so much work to remember all the wrongs, and I no longer want to keep score. I found when I let my guard down and decide to let go and have fun, I do, I really do. It's the process or the thought of doing so I find difficult!
I don't want to not like people. I don't want to come off as snobby, as unkind, unfriendly, unapproachable. I don't want to be miserable. I want to be warm, and fun, kind and friendly. I want to be myself.
Oddly, I'm coming back to the word resolve, which has been a big word for me lately. I'm typically a person who once I make up my mind, I've made up my mind. I'm determined and I go until I'm finished. Most times, that includes people too. When it comes to people and relationships, I generally stick to my guns.
Resolve to be thyself; and know that he who finds himself, loses his misery. ~Matthew Arnold
I have made a resolution I guess you'd say, to look at life differently, to look at people in my life differently, to look at myself differently. I've taken a strained relationship from my past and I'm trying to fix it, trying to rebuild it. Instead of focusing on the negative and picking at the old scars, I want to see the good things and focus on those. It's so much work to remember all the wrongs, and I no longer want to keep score. I found when I let my guard down and decide to let go and have fun, I do, I really do. It's the process or the thought of doing so I find difficult!
I don't want to not like people. I don't want to come off as snobby, as unkind, unfriendly, unapproachable. I don't want to be miserable. I want to be warm, and fun, kind and friendly. I want to be myself.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Q = Quiet
I'm so tired today. I went for a second coffee at 10:30 this morning which is quite rare for me considering I barely finish the one I brought from home before noon. I just couldn't wake up and get with it this morning! Jeremy has been working days this week and for some reason, when he's home at night, we go to bed later.
I remember the weekends when I could go to my bed as early as I wanted, sleep as late as I wanted, get up whenever I wanted. I'm lucky to sleep past 8 AM on a weekend now. In days past I never thought much about how quiet this house was in the morning. Especially if Jeremy went to work first thing in the AM...oh, it was the nearest thing to heaven! And I totally took it for granted!
On a typical morning, Jacob arrives to my bed sometime between 6 and 7AM. He climbs over Jeremy to lie in the middle of the bed, sometimes he'll go back to sleep, sometimes he'll watch TV but, it's never without me saying, at least twice, "JACOB! Be Quiet and quit moving!". Yeah, it never works. After about the third round, Jeremy gets up to let the wagging dog out and if I'm lucky, Jacob follows them downstairs. I try and I try to go back to sleep but, ah hell, it's just no use. I'm awake. Once in a great while, I can get Jacob to quietly watch cartoons until 8:30 - only if it's a rare cosmic alignment.
Jacob is always home with us, with me. I am the full-time, all the time parent. Jeremy has a few nights off but, me - I'm always on duty. Jacob has spent the night with Grandma & Grandpa a handful of times. You'd think on those nights, I'd take full advantage and sleep in, right? I can't. I wake up at 7:00, afraid something happened to my child in the night because he's not in my bed yet. It's just too quiet. Even Kelsey, if she's quiet, I'll sleep all night but, as soon as I hear her tags clinking together - I'm up! Wide awake. I'm kinda scared she'll pee on the floor in the night to tell the truth - even if she is fully housebroken. Or she's up because Jeremy isn't home yet and she knows he's late.
Like tonight, the evenings when Jeremy is home for a stretch, I find myself letting the boys go on walks or to the park without me just for the 30 minutes (or more) of peace and quiet. Time to be alone with my thoughts. Time off from being the parent. I generally just sit and enjoy the quiet. It's the best 30 minutes of my day.
I remember the weekends when I could go to my bed as early as I wanted, sleep as late as I wanted, get up whenever I wanted. I'm lucky to sleep past 8 AM on a weekend now. In days past I never thought much about how quiet this house was in the morning. Especially if Jeremy went to work first thing in the AM...oh, it was the nearest thing to heaven! And I totally took it for granted!
On a typical morning, Jacob arrives to my bed sometime between 6 and 7AM. He climbs over Jeremy to lie in the middle of the bed, sometimes he'll go back to sleep, sometimes he'll watch TV but, it's never without me saying, at least twice, "JACOB! Be Quiet and quit moving!". Yeah, it never works. After about the third round, Jeremy gets up to let the wagging dog out and if I'm lucky, Jacob follows them downstairs. I try and I try to go back to sleep but, ah hell, it's just no use. I'm awake. Once in a great while, I can get Jacob to quietly watch cartoons until 8:30 - only if it's a rare cosmic alignment.
Jacob is always home with us, with me. I am the full-time, all the time parent. Jeremy has a few nights off but, me - I'm always on duty. Jacob has spent the night with Grandma & Grandpa a handful of times. You'd think on those nights, I'd take full advantage and sleep in, right? I can't. I wake up at 7:00, afraid something happened to my child in the night because he's not in my bed yet. It's just too quiet. Even Kelsey, if she's quiet, I'll sleep all night but, as soon as I hear her tags clinking together - I'm up! Wide awake. I'm kinda scared she'll pee on the floor in the night to tell the truth - even if she is fully housebroken. Or she's up because Jeremy isn't home yet and she knows he's late.
Like tonight, the evenings when Jeremy is home for a stretch, I find myself letting the boys go on walks or to the park without me just for the 30 minutes (or more) of peace and quiet. Time to be alone with my thoughts. Time off from being the parent. I generally just sit and enjoy the quiet. It's the best 30 minutes of my day.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
P = Pretentious
These words aren't getting any easier to write about, they're only getting harder to spell!
Every time I hear the word pretentious, I think of the movie Steel Magnolias (which is one of my favorites) where Shelby Eatenton (Julia Roberts) says "Remember what Daddy always says - an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure!"
I totally agree. Inflating yourself as important and pointing out your worth every chance you get - all you're doing is spreading a bunch of bullshit! Am I wrong?
I believe in self esteem. Good, strong, positive self-esteem. I'm proud of myself and my accomplishments. I'm proud of my family, their accomplishments, and what the generations before me have overcome. I'm proud of my heritage, my culture, and my religion. I believe in giving credit wehre credit is due. I believe in helping a person out, giving a hand up rather than a hand out. That said, these things are important to me - they should be important to all of us. I don't share much of this out loud. I do what feels like the right thing to do. It is what it is, it's what I cherish and I don't need to inflate or exaggerate it to impress anyone.
Lets us religion as a for instance, what difference does it really make if I'm Lutheran or you're Catholic? One is not greater than the other. Sure, I care where you came from, your background but, it doesn't make any difference as to whether I like you or not. Does it mean you're better than I am?
I don't believe in treating someone, anyone is if they're less. I don't believe I deserve to be treated as less. No one deserves to be treated that way. Except when I'm driving - then I believe that every one must get out of my way!
Seriously though, I'm a firm believer in treat others as you would like to be treated. I can tell you, many words come to mind when I think of the relationships I've made with people - loyal, fun, commonality, unique, - the word pretentious/pretension just doesn't quite fit, does it?
Every time I hear the word pretentious, I think of the movie Steel Magnolias (which is one of my favorites) where Shelby Eatenton (Julia Roberts) says "Remember what Daddy always says - an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure!"
I totally agree. Inflating yourself as important and pointing out your worth every chance you get - all you're doing is spreading a bunch of bullshit! Am I wrong?
I believe in self esteem. Good, strong, positive self-esteem. I'm proud of myself and my accomplishments. I'm proud of my family, their accomplishments, and what the generations before me have overcome. I'm proud of my heritage, my culture, and my religion. I believe in giving credit wehre credit is due. I believe in helping a person out, giving a hand up rather than a hand out. That said, these things are important to me - they should be important to all of us. I don't share much of this out loud. I do what feels like the right thing to do. It is what it is, it's what I cherish and I don't need to inflate or exaggerate it to impress anyone.
Lets us religion as a for instance, what difference does it really make if I'm Lutheran or you're Catholic? One is not greater than the other. Sure, I care where you came from, your background but, it doesn't make any difference as to whether I like you or not. Does it mean you're better than I am?
I don't believe in treating someone, anyone is if they're less. I don't believe I deserve to be treated as less. No one deserves to be treated that way. Except when I'm driving - then I believe that every one must get out of my way!
Seriously though, I'm a firm believer in treat others as you would like to be treated. I can tell you, many words come to mind when I think of the relationships I've made with people - loyal, fun, commonality, unique, - the word pretentious/pretension just doesn't quite fit, does it?
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
O = Ostentatious
I'm like to think I'm a fairly simple person. I dress quite simply, I wear plain shoes. I barely even wear any jewelry - my wedding/engagement ring and a simple pair of small earrings. We don't take elaborate vacations, we really don't go far from home to tell the truth.
Speaking of home, it's never going to be on the cover of any magazine though, I do hope one day it'll will be the type of place where Jacob and his friends like to hang out. I like to think it's comfortable, at least it is for us.
You see, I'm not in this life for the show, for the stuff. I'm not here to have what my friends have, to do what they do, to 'one-up' anyone. In fact, we've been working awfully hard to cut back and to simplify. I don't have anyone to impress. I'm comfortable enough in my own self.
I like to plan trips or vacations by where I want to go, what I want to do or to see, not based on the "go-to" places and I'm not a fan of recommendations because I typically am not looking for the same things as anyone else.
We all know those people, the ones who laugh too loud, brag too much, dress too flashy and you can't help but wonder what they're trying to accomplish, what they're trying to cover up. I wonder who they want to be, where they want to go, what they're running from. Most of all, I wonder what is so bad about themselves that they'd rather put on a show than to be who they really are.
Speaking of home, it's never going to be on the cover of any magazine though, I do hope one day it'll will be the type of place where Jacob and his friends like to hang out. I like to think it's comfortable, at least it is for us.
You see, I'm not in this life for the show, for the stuff. I'm not here to have what my friends have, to do what they do, to 'one-up' anyone. In fact, we've been working awfully hard to cut back and to simplify. I don't have anyone to impress. I'm comfortable enough in my own self.
I like to plan trips or vacations by where I want to go, what I want to do or to see, not based on the "go-to" places and I'm not a fan of recommendations because I typically am not looking for the same things as anyone else.
We all know those people, the ones who laugh too loud, brag too much, dress too flashy and you can't help but wonder what they're trying to accomplish, what they're trying to cover up. I wonder who they want to be, where they want to go, what they're running from. Most of all, I wonder what is so bad about themselves that they'd rather put on a show than to be who they really are.
Monday, May 14, 2012
N = Nostalgia
The term nostalgia describes a yearning for the past, often in idealized form (compliments of Wikipedia)
Nostalgia - and it's definition here makes, me think of my parents, Jeremy's parents, Jacob's biological parents and of course, Jeremy and I in the future. Such very different scenarios.
Let's start with my mom. My mother turned 78 years old this past January. She lives in a 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom home, with a formal dining room, formal living room, den, and library. She lives there alone. She hires someone to mow the grass, clear the snow, and a woman to help with her laundry. She refuses to make any changes or allow any of her children to help her. She pays upward of $500/month to heat this home - and only three rooms of it. She says she'd like to share the holidays with us kids, in the home where we grew up. Yet she won't take the steps to do so. Besides, I don't recall the holidays at home to be so fantastic as I'd like to repeat them...ever. In her mind though, it'd be a regular Norman Rockwell print. It strikes me odd as well, she has no furniture, she doesn't have a working oven. And if she did, her house is so full of old newspapers, clothing, shoes, dust and clutter that one could barely make it through. I don't understand her choice to live like this nor her ideal of a family reunion and it's sad what age has done to her mind and her ideals have done to her relationships with her children.
Jacob's biological grandparents - They're both retired and we've watched them move around a little bit in the last couple years since we've known them. I have to say, I am most proud of them and the decision they have made. They have 3 children though and are not overly close either. They know when they time comes, they can only count on each other. This past year, they gave up the notion of the house, where everyone will get together, the lawn mowing, the bills, the maintenance and the responsibility to move into a senior housing community. Sure, they still pay rent but, zero upkeep, their utility costs are lower, and they love it! Their complex has a laundromat inside, plowed parking, a 2nd bedroom for the grand babies, and their apartment has a full kitchen. They have 'community' activities, assistance for groceries if needed. It's great to see them fitting in and making friends without being tied down to a home. And most importantly, God forbid something should happen to her, he won't have to move and can take care of himself there.
Our goal, Jeremy and I, is to be out of our monster house when Jacob graduates high school. I want to sell it all and move to a condo. Think about it - Jeremy and I will be about ready to retire - dear Lord, I'll have 27 years in at my job by then! I don't want to be tied to home repair and yard work. I want to be able to go and take trips and someday visit grand babies but, the last thing I want is to be tied to/drained by a house. I want freedom!
I love my home. It's our first home together - Jeremy and I bought it before we were married. That said, it's the home we came to after we were married. Every square inch of it is marked with my sweat, my tears, and in some places, my blood. We celebrated our first Christmas here. It's the place we brought our child home to, where we raised him, and Kelsey. Where they had their First Christmas, First Birthdays, and where I sprained my ankle, where Jacob's height is measured on the door jamb. Our home where the cement out front has Murray's footprints, and the back door that Jack chewed. These walls hold our arguments, our laughs, our smiles and our tears. I'll be sad to leave the home where we raised our family and our memories were created.
I would be more sad to die in my monster house when I'm 80 years old and to have hoarded every item I've ever owned. I will be more sad to know that I didn't enjoy my life, Jacob's life, or my grand babies as much as I could have because I kept pouring my time, my energy, and my money into this old house when I could have been making more memories all along. I'll be sad to have lost a relationship with my family because I was too bitter and had to hang onto a flicker of a hope to one day have my family together. It's not the house holding the family, or the memories together, it's the people in the house that make the family and keep the memories alive.
Nostalgia - and it's definition here makes, me think of my parents, Jeremy's parents, Jacob's biological parents and of course, Jeremy and I in the future. Such very different scenarios.
Let's start with my mom. My mother turned 78 years old this past January. She lives in a 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom home, with a formal dining room, formal living room, den, and library. She lives there alone. She hires someone to mow the grass, clear the snow, and a woman to help with her laundry. She refuses to make any changes or allow any of her children to help her. She pays upward of $500/month to heat this home - and only three rooms of it. She says she'd like to share the holidays with us kids, in the home where we grew up. Yet she won't take the steps to do so. Besides, I don't recall the holidays at home to be so fantastic as I'd like to repeat them...ever. In her mind though, it'd be a regular Norman Rockwell print. It strikes me odd as well, she has no furniture, she doesn't have a working oven. And if she did, her house is so full of old newspapers, clothing, shoes, dust and clutter that one could barely make it through. I don't understand her choice to live like this nor her ideal of a family reunion and it's sad what age has done to her mind and her ideals have done to her relationships with her children.
Jacob's biological grandparents - They're both retired and we've watched them move around a little bit in the last couple years since we've known them. I have to say, I am most proud of them and the decision they have made. They have 3 children though and are not overly close either. They know when they time comes, they can only count on each other. This past year, they gave up the notion of the house, where everyone will get together, the lawn mowing, the bills, the maintenance and the responsibility to move into a senior housing community. Sure, they still pay rent but, zero upkeep, their utility costs are lower, and they love it! Their complex has a laundromat inside, plowed parking, a 2nd bedroom for the grand babies, and their apartment has a full kitchen. They have 'community' activities, assistance for groceries if needed. It's great to see them fitting in and making friends without being tied down to a home. And most importantly, God forbid something should happen to her, he won't have to move and can take care of himself there.
Our goal, Jeremy and I, is to be out of our monster house when Jacob graduates high school. I want to sell it all and move to a condo. Think about it - Jeremy and I will be about ready to retire - dear Lord, I'll have 27 years in at my job by then! I don't want to be tied to home repair and yard work. I want to be able to go and take trips and someday visit grand babies but, the last thing I want is to be tied to/drained by a house. I want freedom!
I love my home. It's our first home together - Jeremy and I bought it before we were married. That said, it's the home we came to after we were married. Every square inch of it is marked with my sweat, my tears, and in some places, my blood. We celebrated our first Christmas here. It's the place we brought our child home to, where we raised him, and Kelsey. Where they had their First Christmas, First Birthdays, and where I sprained my ankle, where Jacob's height is measured on the door jamb. Our home where the cement out front has Murray's footprints, and the back door that Jack chewed. These walls hold our arguments, our laughs, our smiles and our tears. I'll be sad to leave the home where we raised our family and our memories were created.
I would be more sad to die in my monster house when I'm 80 years old and to have hoarded every item I've ever owned. I will be more sad to know that I didn't enjoy my life, Jacob's life, or my grand babies as much as I could have because I kept pouring my time, my energy, and my money into this old house when I could have been making more memories all along. I'll be sad to have lost a relationship with my family because I was too bitter and had to hang onto a flicker of a hope to one day have my family together. It's not the house holding the family, or the memories together, it's the people in the house that make the family and keep the memories alive.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
M = Mysterious
Did I ever tell you I have a small obsession with abandoned mental intuitions, insane asylums, and their cemeteries?
It started when I was in grade school. My mom and I had gone up to Traverse City to visit my dad in the hospital and she took me on a little tour around the grounds of the Traverse City State Hospital, closed at that time. Her sister had spent a little time there and my mom had gone to visit her. As we drove through the grounds, she pointed out windows, doors, buildings etc. and what they were when she had been there. I couldn't help but get lost in the mystery of my imagination at what the interior looked like, what the patients endured and why they were 'locked up' in the first place. Did you know in the late 1800's a husband could lock up his wife just by stating she was insane, or for not properly caring for her husband - cooking, cleaning, laundry,etc. ?
I've read a few books on the asylums in Michigan - Traverse City's asylum was the 3rd built in the state, 2nd to Kalamazoo and Eloise (Detroit) - and the reasons people were admitted, treatments and then the RAPID decline/closing of so many. My favorite book was Angel's in the Architecture by Heidi Johnson. The pictures were taken in Building 51 at Traverse City before it was redone. There were three or four photos in that book with a mysterious haze where I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing and I'd flip from one, to the other - back and forth - trying to figure out just what was there. I'm still not sure! My other favorite, Beauty is Therapy: Memories of the Traverse City State Hospital which describes much of the history with a ton of photos of the hospital in it's day.
Jeremy took me to Kalamazoo a few years back, though there isn't much left, we did walk a little bit around one of the remaining abandoned buildings built in the 50's/60's, maybe. I tried to peek in the windows but, there was little to see besides the inlaid marble floors and peeling paint. Not to mention it's across from the Kalamazoo Public Safety and well, I didn't want to meet any more police!
Someday, I'll get to Eloise, or what's left of her. There are many, many stories of the grounds and cemeteries of Eloise being haunted and I have to admit, when visiting Traverse City SH and Kalamazoo's SH, I did have quite an uneasy feeling, similar to being watched or followed as well as kind of a pit or sinking in the heart/stomach. Certainly a sense that you are not alone. It's totally creepy! Most of the institutions had their own farms, raising cattle for meat and milk/butter, pigs and chickens, also growing their own gardens. They had the best greenhouses with record winning plants/flowers. The patients tended to all of it, supervised of course. They certainly walked and wandered the grounds leaving their mark everywhere. Most of these people worked the grounds over and over, day in day out, and likely when they passed on they continued to work as they had in life.
Thomas Story Kirkbride designed many of the asylums back in the 1800's. Most of them now abandoned, are described as "Kirkbrides" for their style of architecture. Thomas Kirkbride believed the mentally ill could all be healed and the best way to treat them was "in a healthy environment with respect and decorum." These buildings were AMAZING! Three and four story brick, with marble floors or hardwood floors, ornate clock towers, huge foyers with beautiful staircases. It seemed such a shame to waste it on the mentally incapacitated that may never see it or never care.
Sadly, so many people passed on in the care of these institutions. So many of them, their graves are only marked by a number and the records of those numbers are long, long gone. Most of the "Kirkbrides" have stood abandoned, boarded up for decades with all of their mysteries held safely inside. Many of the beautiful "Kirkbrides" have been demolished. It breaks my heart every time I hear of another one gone. Very few have been renovated but, the sheer size of them makes it such a difficult task - not to mention the lead paint and the asbestos. Building 51 in Traverse City is one such renovation, now knows as The Village at Grand Traverse Commons.
I'm going to leave you with some art, the subject being these institutions and their mystery. Recently some drawings surfaced by an artist known as "The Electric Pencil", he was a patient in the 50's. His story and the drawings are quite interesting. Also, my high school art teacher did a series on The Traverse City State Hospital. Please, take a look, afterall, "Beauty is Therapy".
It started when I was in grade school. My mom and I had gone up to Traverse City to visit my dad in the hospital and she took me on a little tour around the grounds of the Traverse City State Hospital, closed at that time. Her sister had spent a little time there and my mom had gone to visit her. As we drove through the grounds, she pointed out windows, doors, buildings etc. and what they were when she had been there. I couldn't help but get lost in the mystery of my imagination at what the interior looked like, what the patients endured and why they were 'locked up' in the first place. Did you know in the late 1800's a husband could lock up his wife just by stating she was insane, or for not properly caring for her husband - cooking, cleaning, laundry,etc. ?
I've read a few books on the asylums in Michigan - Traverse City's asylum was the 3rd built in the state, 2nd to Kalamazoo and Eloise (Detroit) - and the reasons people were admitted, treatments and then the RAPID decline/closing of so many. My favorite book was Angel's in the Architecture by Heidi Johnson. The pictures were taken in Building 51 at Traverse City before it was redone. There were three or four photos in that book with a mysterious haze where I wasn't quite sure what I was seeing and I'd flip from one, to the other - back and forth - trying to figure out just what was there. I'm still not sure! My other favorite, Beauty is Therapy: Memories of the Traverse City State Hospital which describes much of the history with a ton of photos of the hospital in it's day.
Jeremy took me to Kalamazoo a few years back, though there isn't much left, we did walk a little bit around one of the remaining abandoned buildings built in the 50's/60's, maybe. I tried to peek in the windows but, there was little to see besides the inlaid marble floors and peeling paint. Not to mention it's across from the Kalamazoo Public Safety and well, I didn't want to meet any more police!
Someday, I'll get to Eloise, or what's left of her. There are many, many stories of the grounds and cemeteries of Eloise being haunted and I have to admit, when visiting Traverse City SH and Kalamazoo's SH, I did have quite an uneasy feeling, similar to being watched or followed as well as kind of a pit or sinking in the heart/stomach. Certainly a sense that you are not alone. It's totally creepy! Most of the institutions had their own farms, raising cattle for meat and milk/butter, pigs and chickens, also growing their own gardens. They had the best greenhouses with record winning plants/flowers. The patients tended to all of it, supervised of course. They certainly walked and wandered the grounds leaving their mark everywhere. Most of these people worked the grounds over and over, day in day out, and likely when they passed on they continued to work as they had in life.
Thomas Story Kirkbride designed many of the asylums back in the 1800's. Most of them now abandoned, are described as "Kirkbrides" for their style of architecture. Thomas Kirkbride believed the mentally ill could all be healed and the best way to treat them was "in a healthy environment with respect and decorum." These buildings were AMAZING! Three and four story brick, with marble floors or hardwood floors, ornate clock towers, huge foyers with beautiful staircases. It seemed such a shame to waste it on the mentally incapacitated that may never see it or never care.
Sadly, so many people passed on in the care of these institutions. So many of them, their graves are only marked by a number and the records of those numbers are long, long gone. Most of the "Kirkbrides" have stood abandoned, boarded up for decades with all of their mysteries held safely inside. Many of the beautiful "Kirkbrides" have been demolished. It breaks my heart every time I hear of another one gone. Very few have been renovated but, the sheer size of them makes it such a difficult task - not to mention the lead paint and the asbestos. Building 51 in Traverse City is one such renovation, now knows as The Village at Grand Traverse Commons.
I'm going to leave you with some art, the subject being these institutions and their mystery. Recently some drawings surfaced by an artist known as "The Electric Pencil", he was a patient in the 50's. His story and the drawings are quite interesting. Also, my high school art teacher did a series on The Traverse City State Hospital. Please, take a look, afterall, "Beauty is Therapy".
L = Love
Have you ever looked up the definition of "Love" in a dictionary? Here - I'll save you the trouble:
Much longer than I thought it would be for such a little word. I'm sitting here repeating "love, love, love, what do I love?" over and over in my head...thinking of all of the "loves" in my life. I can't explain love to you for everyone has their own definition of what love is, was, or should be. I can't go into the depths of my love for my husband or my son - it's too muchfor me to ever put it into words. I can't share my definition but, I can share some of what I 'love' with you!
My faith, my home, my family, my church, my husband, my son, my dog, my truck.
Jacob's laugh and Kelsey's bark
Jeremy kissing my forehead
My friends
My new porch
COFFEE
BOOKS!
My job, the freedom and the responsibility of it, and my "new" boss.
St. Louis Cardinals
Michigan Wolverines - Go Blue!
Cherries
Rhubarb Crisp
My mom's apple squares, and the twinkle in my dad's eyes.
Big Al's
BBQ Chicken, meatloaf, frozen peas, iced tea with peach schnapps, egg salad, pickled bologna, lemon cake, and fresh, sliced tomatoes.
Kevin Costner, Elisabeth Shue, and CSI:NY
Warm Cinnamon Roasted Almonds
Dill Pickles
The smell of - a freshly lit Marlboro cigarette, Jacob's hair after a bath, Jeremy's clean T-shirts, Kelsey's paws, and a cool summer breeze through my window at night.
Walks on the beach, waves crashing the shore, the smell of the sand and the water with the sun shining on my back.
Quotes. Serious, funny, inspirational, thoughtful - as long as I understand it and it applies to me.
It seems kinda simple but, it seems like so many. Each one of these things warm my heart or bring a smile to my face. I'm blessed, I'm lucky or I've worked hard to have these things in my life or to know what they are and their value to me. At the end of the day, it's the simple things in life that truly matter and we're quite simple around here.
Much longer than I thought it would be for such a little word. I'm sitting here repeating "love, love, love, what do I love?" over and over in my head...thinking of all of the "loves" in my life. I can't explain love to you for everyone has their own definition of what love is, was, or should be. I can't go into the depths of my love for my husband or my son - it's too muchfor me to ever put it into words. I can't share my definition but, I can share some of what I 'love' with you!
My faith, my home, my family, my church, my husband, my son, my dog, my truck.
Jacob's laugh and Kelsey's bark
Jeremy kissing my forehead
My friends
My new porch
COFFEE
BOOKS!
My job, the freedom and the responsibility of it, and my "new" boss.
St. Louis Cardinals
Michigan Wolverines - Go Blue!
Cherries
Rhubarb Crisp
My mom's apple squares, and the twinkle in my dad's eyes.
Big Al's
BBQ Chicken, meatloaf, frozen peas, iced tea with peach schnapps, egg salad, pickled bologna, lemon cake, and fresh, sliced tomatoes.
Kevin Costner, Elisabeth Shue, and CSI:NY
Warm Cinnamon Roasted Almonds
Dill Pickles
The smell of - a freshly lit Marlboro cigarette, Jacob's hair after a bath, Jeremy's clean T-shirts, Kelsey's paws, and a cool summer breeze through my window at night.
Walks on the beach, waves crashing the shore, the smell of the sand and the water with the sun shining on my back.
Quotes. Serious, funny, inspirational, thoughtful - as long as I understand it and it applies to me.
It seems kinda simple but, it seems like so many. Each one of these things warm my heart or bring a smile to my face. I'm blessed, I'm lucky or I've worked hard to have these things in my life or to know what they are and their value to me. At the end of the day, it's the simple things in life that truly matter and we're quite simple around here.
Friday, May 11, 2012
K = Kisses
I came across a post yesterday about kissing your kids on the lips - do you? Or don't you. I do. I love kissing Jacob's little cheeks! And I love, Love, LOVE when he wants to kiss me. I'm so afraid of the day when he won't, that I take advantage of all the kisses I can get!
In this post, she talked about children who were kissed by their parents grow up to kiss their children. It's true! I don't remember much about being a child but, I do remember standing at the top of the kitchen stairs to kiss my mom goodbye when she left for work and the taste of her lipstick on my little lips. I don't remember kisses from my dad, I'm not saying he did or didn't it's just been so long that I don't remember! I also remember hugging and kissing my sisters from there too. Mostly Karen and I'm pretty sure on the lips...
I have to share this before I forget. Jacob's new favorite song is Thompson Square's - Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not and every time they sing that main line, Jacob runs over to kiss me! He may hate me one day for telling this but, it's too cute too keep to myself.
Jacob asks a lot about kissing lately. He's concerned if I don't kiss Jeremy good-bye when we part ways in the morning. It's not that I don't want to kiss him, just some days getting us out the door is about all I can manage and stopping to crook my neck and stick my head out the window does not appeal to me. Nor do the chants "Kiss Him, Mom!". I don't need an audience!
You wonder sometimes what goes through their little minds though. If seeing me kiss Jeremy goodbye in the morning gives him just that little bit of security that his parents are together and do love each other-and him, I don't know. I'm sure there are some divorced parents, some single parents and I know, in fact some kids that don't live with their parent(s) at all (I don't know the stats) but, I do wonder if that makes him question us. Man, it's tough to be in Kindergarten! All the kissing there is to worry about! Whew!
In this post, she talked about children who were kissed by their parents grow up to kiss their children. It's true! I don't remember much about being a child but, I do remember standing at the top of the kitchen stairs to kiss my mom goodbye when she left for work and the taste of her lipstick on my little lips. I don't remember kisses from my dad, I'm not saying he did or didn't it's just been so long that I don't remember! I also remember hugging and kissing my sisters from there too. Mostly Karen and I'm pretty sure on the lips...
I have to share this before I forget. Jacob's new favorite song is Thompson Square's - Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not and every time they sing that main line, Jacob runs over to kiss me! He may hate me one day for telling this but, it's too cute too keep to myself.
Jacob asks a lot about kissing lately. He's concerned if I don't kiss Jeremy good-bye when we part ways in the morning. It's not that I don't want to kiss him, just some days getting us out the door is about all I can manage and stopping to crook my neck and stick my head out the window does not appeal to me. Nor do the chants "Kiss Him, Mom!". I don't need an audience!
You wonder sometimes what goes through their little minds though. If seeing me kiss Jeremy goodbye in the morning gives him just that little bit of security that his parents are together and do love each other-and him, I don't know. I'm sure there are some divorced parents, some single parents and I know, in fact some kids that don't live with their parent(s) at all (I don't know the stats) but, I do wonder if that makes him question us. Man, it's tough to be in Kindergarten! All the kissing there is to worry about! Whew!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
J = Jacob & Jeremy
When the subject came to me for J as Jacob/Jeremy, I could only think of an update as to what they're doing these days but, that's so boring! As I thought more about it, I thought why not share a little photo story of them together.
Starting with Jacob's debut. Jeremy looks so young!
And Jacob, so little!
Just before he turned 2.
The summer before he turned 3. They would do this Every. Single. Night. Unless it rained!
The summer before 4.
5
And just a few weeks ago.
These 2 - they are my world. I never thought a heart could hold so much love until I met them!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I = Intelligence
“I not only use all the brains that I have, but all I can borrow.” ~ Woodrow Wilson
I don't have a college education. I've taken a few classes here and there but, it's likely I won't ever go back to get a degree. It's not that I'm lazy, or a procrastinator, it's just that by the time I'm done with a full day's work - my brains are beat!
When I was a senior in high school my mother made it clear that she wasn't paying anything toward my education. I didn't make enough at my job working full time to pay for a car, car insurance, rent in her house AND school. I simply couldn't pay for everything making barely over $6/hour. I also was not eligible for financial aid as I lived in my mother's house and she made too much money. I got older, incurred a ton of debt, lost a job, got a new job, moved, paid off my debt, got married and you know the rest. There just wasn't time for college.
Now, I'm older and I have a great job that will reimburse my tuition but, what about my family? I have a small child and it's more important to me to enjoy him.
When I was younger, as soon as my chores were done, I'd have my nose buried in a book. I read. I read a lot. A lot, A LOT! I choose to read the news on-line. I have the dictionary bookmarked. I do research, I analyze, I compare. I have always been a fast learner, I've always had a high level of comprehension. I watch and I listen. I've never been afraid to ask questions. I've never been afraid to ask for help. I've never been afraid to learn. I've had to make many big decisions in my life - buying a car, buying a house, choosing a pediatrician for Jacob, and I've borrowed many a brain to educate me. That said, lacking a degree does not mean I lack intelligence. Not having a degree doesn't mean I need you to think for me. It certainly doesn't mean I'm ignorant.
I wonder what is going to happen in this world when the time comes for any job to require a degree, yet the cost of an education continues to skyrocket. I agree that an education is valuable - extremely valuable but, in some ways I wonder what happens to the imagination. The small business. The artist, the lawn mowing service, the construction worker. We need these people, but, will they be there?
I am truly blessed. I make an excellent wage, I do enjoy my work, I have more benefits than I could ever discuss! And I got here, I built the job and the respect I have all without a college education. Could I make more money in my job? Could I advance? Sure I could. At the cost of watching my son grow.
I can't say I wish my circumstances could/would have been different. It really doesn't matter to me. What matters, is giving my son the chances I didn't have. I don't need to borrow anyone else's brain to figure that out. I have enough intelligence and common sense to see all on my own!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
H = Humility
I was on a totally different page when I first thought of writing about humility. I was on the plane of humiliation which isn't quite the same thing...and this is why we research before we type!
I found two things on-line that stood out to me in my research.
1-Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all. ~William Temple
2 - Humility is something that is something that is gained and practiced as we grow in wisdom and grace.
I think of those who give endlessly of their time and their talents. They give up to give and those people always amaze me. So many of us are concerned about what we're going to get or what we're due. So many do 'the right thing' simply for show or for credit. Some do to keep up with others - not purely out of the goodness of their hearts.
I wonder what problems are caused by pride, by arrogance, our egos, or our haughtiness? I've given my pride a few good deep wounds and I don't care to put on any repeat performances. Thank you though. I have noticed that a little too much arrogance has come back to slap me in the face on more than one occasion. I try to keep it in check but, I come from a loooong genetic line of it. And let me tell you, a bout with infertility will smash and stomp any ego you once had into the ground without batting so much as an eyelash. And my personal favorite, haughtiness - the exaggerated sense of one's importance. My question is who in the hell gave any of us any right or reason to judge one another - because really, haughtiness is all about a judgement - a decision I have made that I am more important than you when in truth, God made us all equal.
I try to remember the parables of Jesus, (Mark 13:35-36) 35 Watch therefore -- for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockcrow, or in the morning -- 36 lest he come suddenly and find you asleep.
My goal, ultimately is to credit God for all of my gifts and my talents. I will always need The Lord's guidance in every way of my life. I need him to show me how to grow in wisdom and in grace, and I need to understand my growth will be achieved in his time and not mine.
I found two things on-line that stood out to me in my research.
1-Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all. ~William Temple
2 - Humility is something that is something that is gained and practiced as we grow in wisdom and grace.
I think of those who give endlessly of their time and their talents. They give up to give and those people always amaze me. So many of us are concerned about what we're going to get or what we're due. So many do 'the right thing' simply for show or for credit. Some do to keep up with others - not purely out of the goodness of their hearts.
I wonder what problems are caused by pride, by arrogance, our egos, or our haughtiness? I've given my pride a few good deep wounds and I don't care to put on any repeat performances. Thank you though. I have noticed that a little too much arrogance has come back to slap me in the face on more than one occasion. I try to keep it in check but, I come from a loooong genetic line of it. And let me tell you, a bout with infertility will smash and stomp any ego you once had into the ground without batting so much as an eyelash. And my personal favorite, haughtiness - the exaggerated sense of one's importance. My question is who in the hell gave any of us any right or reason to judge one another - because really, haughtiness is all about a judgement - a decision I have made that I am more important than you when in truth, God made us all equal.
I try to remember the parables of Jesus, (Mark 13:35-36) 35 Watch therefore -- for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockcrow, or in the morning -- 36 lest he come suddenly and find you asleep.
My goal, ultimately is to credit God for all of my gifts and my talents. I will always need The Lord's guidance in every way of my life. I need him to show me how to grow in wisdom and in grace, and I need to understand my growth will be achieved in his time and not mine.
Monday, May 7, 2012
G = Generosity
And now this exercise gets a little tougher...
I'm so weird. As these words/letters get a little more complex, I'm looking them up in the dictionary, the encyclopedias, and in some cases even the Bible. Yes, I am that particular but, more I want to make sure I completely understand the definition or meaning of the word.
Some of you may know this, some of you may not. Some may have seen the change some may not. Over the last probably 2 years I have become increasingly aware of God and his presence in my everyday life. He has sent me on many 'soul searching' missions within myself and most times, I have NOT been happy with what I have seen. I can't go back in time and undo all of my wrongs. The most I can do is apologize and move forward on the right foot.
One area where I have struggled in the past was with generosity, or being generous. I was taught, or I learned some how, somewhere - everything in life should have a price tag, a reward, a debt, a payment, a thanks attached. Well, why? If you genuinely love and care for the people closest to you, that should be unconditional, not require any type of reimbursement.
I think of one person in my past where I gave and I gave, I did and I did, I tried and I tried, and in my mind a simple "Thank you." just wasn't cutting it. I wanted some sort of reciprocation. Some sort of acknowledgement. Some big lavish, fawning, praise. And I was angry because I wasn't getting enough in return. I wasn't getting enough in return! What reward was I after - what did I want? God sent me to re-evaluate my relationship with this person. He showed me where I had wronged her, myself, my husband and I saw myself as being so, so ugly. This mom and I, we've always had some, uh, let's say there has been some friction between us, and I have to tell you, she's one helluva person for still wanting to be friends with me!
Just before Christmas, I received a message that this same person again needed help, and well, I helped. I helped with ZERO reservation, ZERO expectation. And you know what, seeing that mom take the credit from her family, watching those kids adore their mom, seeing the genuine tears of thankfulness in her eyes was more than enough 'payment' for me!
Jeremy asked me at one point during this mission, how much more I had planned to help, and I said "God says, I have done enough now." I, just now as I'm typing this, realized, I haven't contributed anything to that family since then. Where I would typically look at Goodwill for clothing, shoes for them, every time I've thought 'I should look for...', my little voice says "you have done enough'. I'm so used to that voice, I just nod and move on.
Generosity. It's not charity. It is giving to someone in need without expecting anything in return. - Short definition for such a long lesson. A lesson I am glad to have finally learned the correct definition!
(I have closed comments to this post. I have done what God led me to do, and what in my heart I know is right. I appreciate the sentiments you may like to share but, I didn't write this for that reason. I appreciate your understanding.)
I'm so weird. As these words/letters get a little more complex, I'm looking them up in the dictionary, the encyclopedias, and in some cases even the Bible. Yes, I am that particular but, more I want to make sure I completely understand the definition or meaning of the word.
Some of you may know this, some of you may not. Some may have seen the change some may not. Over the last probably 2 years I have become increasingly aware of God and his presence in my everyday life. He has sent me on many 'soul searching' missions within myself and most times, I have NOT been happy with what I have seen. I can't go back in time and undo all of my wrongs. The most I can do is apologize and move forward on the right foot.
One area where I have struggled in the past was with generosity, or being generous. I was taught, or I learned some how, somewhere - everything in life should have a price tag, a reward, a debt, a payment, a thanks attached. Well, why? If you genuinely love and care for the people closest to you, that should be unconditional, not require any type of reimbursement.
I think of one person in my past where I gave and I gave, I did and I did, I tried and I tried, and in my mind a simple "Thank you." just wasn't cutting it. I wanted some sort of reciprocation. Some sort of acknowledgement. Some big lavish, fawning, praise. And I was angry because I wasn't getting enough in return. I wasn't getting enough in return! What reward was I after - what did I want? God sent me to re-evaluate my relationship with this person. He showed me where I had wronged her, myself, my husband and I saw myself as being so, so ugly. This mom and I, we've always had some, uh, let's say there has been some friction between us, and I have to tell you, she's one helluva person for still wanting to be friends with me!
Just before Christmas, I received a message that this same person again needed help, and well, I helped. I helped with ZERO reservation, ZERO expectation. And you know what, seeing that mom take the credit from her family, watching those kids adore their mom, seeing the genuine tears of thankfulness in her eyes was more than enough 'payment' for me!
Jeremy asked me at one point during this mission, how much more I had planned to help, and I said "God says, I have done enough now." I, just now as I'm typing this, realized, I haven't contributed anything to that family since then. Where I would typically look at Goodwill for clothing, shoes for them, every time I've thought 'I should look for...', my little voice says "you have done enough'. I'm so used to that voice, I just nod and move on.
Generosity. It's not charity. It is giving to someone in need without expecting anything in return. - Short definition for such a long lesson. A lesson I am glad to have finally learned the correct definition!
(I have closed comments to this post. I have done what God led me to do, and what in my heart I know is right. I appreciate the sentiments you may like to share but, I didn't write this for that reason. I appreciate your understanding.)
Sunday, May 6, 2012
F=Fudge
"F" was supposed to equal something else and though my intention was never to use the actual word but, more to comment on the increasing use of it and my disincreasing (is that a word?) use of it and when I figured out that post was due to come out on a Sunday, I couldn't do it.
You see, I take issue (personally) with a lot of things that happen on Sundays. I don't like telemarketers who call on Sunday and I let them know all about it! I don't care for solicitations on Sunday. I also will not do make-up work on Sunday. When I was younger, my mom wouldn't even allow 'holey' jeans on Sunday. I couldn't go against my principles. I couldn't disappoint my parents.
Okay so, Fudge.
Did you know that FUDGE was once an acronym for Freeform Universal Donated (later, Do-it-yourself) Gaming Engine?
Hot Fudge as in sundaes - Yum! That is if they are NOT from McDonald's. I don't care as much for their hot fudge - it's a little grainy.
Speaking of grainy, peanut butter fudge. Though I totally love the concept, I have only ever had one peanut butter fudge that tasted great and was soft without being grainy. I'm so getting her recipe next year!
Slabs of fudge - like from Mackinac Island - oh! They have THE BEST fudge on the island! Maybe it's because they make/sell so much that it's always fresh
Homemade fudge - my sister used to make some at Christmas that had little bits of Candy Cane on the top. Nothing like a little peppermint and a little chocolate!
This Christmas, I'm making Velveeta Fudge!
I only take one issue with the uh, fudges mentioned above - they cannot have nuts. I don't like them in cookies, in cakes, in ice cream, in M&M's, in anything. I don't mind nuts by themselves. I simply don't like them IN things.
I also don't care for white or vanilla fudge but, I don't care for white chocolate either.
One of my other faves, Ryba's Mackinac Island Fudge Ice Cream. I love those little chocolate chunkies and swirls of fudge in vanilla ice cream = delicious!
Fudgesicles - like the get through the thin ice on the outside first and then savor the frozen fudgy goodness.
I also have enjoyed Judy Blume's 'The Fudge Books'.
Did you know her books were made into a television series named what else but, Fudge?
How about a little Accounts Receivable Management Team named Williams & Fudge. Yes, an accouting firm named Fudge! When Fudge does the books could it be considered 'fudging' the numbers?
And the ever unpopular where I come from, Fudgies.
What about The F.U.D.GE Theatre Company?
Have you ever tried fudge covered pretzels? If not, please do! Use care, they melt fast.
I have not tried Oreo Fudge Cremes though - Have you?
You see, I take issue (personally) with a lot of things that happen on Sundays. I don't like telemarketers who call on Sunday and I let them know all about it! I don't care for solicitations on Sunday. I also will not do make-up work on Sunday. When I was younger, my mom wouldn't even allow 'holey' jeans on Sunday. I couldn't go against my principles. I couldn't disappoint my parents.
Okay so, Fudge.
Did you know that FUDGE was once an acronym for Freeform Universal Donated (later, Do-it-yourself) Gaming Engine?
Hot Fudge as in sundaes - Yum! That is if they are NOT from McDonald's. I don't care as much for their hot fudge - it's a little grainy.
Speaking of grainy, peanut butter fudge. Though I totally love the concept, I have only ever had one peanut butter fudge that tasted great and was soft without being grainy. I'm so getting her recipe next year!
Slabs of fudge - like from Mackinac Island - oh! They have THE BEST fudge on the island! Maybe it's because they make/sell so much that it's always fresh
Homemade fudge - my sister used to make some at Christmas that had little bits of Candy Cane on the top. Nothing like a little peppermint and a little chocolate!
This Christmas, I'm making Velveeta Fudge!
I only take one issue with the uh, fudges mentioned above - they cannot have nuts. I don't like them in cookies, in cakes, in ice cream, in M&M's, in anything. I don't mind nuts by themselves. I simply don't like them IN things.
I also don't care for white or vanilla fudge but, I don't care for white chocolate either.
One of my other faves, Ryba's Mackinac Island Fudge Ice Cream. I love those little chocolate chunkies and swirls of fudge in vanilla ice cream = delicious!
Fudgesicles - like the get through the thin ice on the outside first and then savor the frozen fudgy goodness.
I also have enjoyed Judy Blume's 'The Fudge Books'.
Did you know her books were made into a television series named what else but, Fudge?
How about a little Accounts Receivable Management Team named Williams & Fudge. Yes, an accouting firm named Fudge! When Fudge does the books could it be considered 'fudging' the numbers?
And the ever unpopular where I come from, Fudgies.
What about The F.U.D.GE Theatre Company?
Have you ever tried fudge covered pretzels? If not, please do! Use care, they melt fast.
I have not tried Oreo Fudge Cremes though - Have you?
Saturday, May 5, 2012
E = Elaine's Day Care
One of the hardest things for me with Jacob has always been trusting someone to watch him when I'm not there. I struggled from the day we brought him home. The first 6 months, until his adoption papers were signed by the judge, were just pure hell for me. I was always afraid - though I knew it wasn't possible - the social worker would come and take him away. I was so afraid we'd do something wrong, or she'd change her mind. The only solution I could see was perfection. The only person I'd accept any mistakes from was myself. I'm still a little like that to this day. When it comes to Jacob, it's very difficult for me to trust.
I met Elaine and Tom when Jacob was only 5 months old. I don't know that I can explain to you what I felt when I met them but, I knew this was the place and they were the people I could trust my kid with. In the 6 years Jacob has been there, I have never once questioned my decision. Jacob has always enjoyed going there and I've never cried to leave him there.
I can say when I met them, I was looking for day-care but, what we got was family.
I've had many occasions when Jacob was littler where someone would say hi to him and call him by name. It used to unsettle me a bit, the whole I-don't-know-you-how-do-you-know-my-kid? thing and after many, many times of asking, I now know the answer, "Laine's".
Jacob grew up with Elaine and Tom. They think of him as their own, as do their kids (as do we). Jacob loves them all - Gary, Amber, Jerrod, Aubrey, Jeanie - I think Ashley and Katie were Jacob's first crushes - I seem to remember him calling one of them his "Hoe-ney". I can't help but think of them as family . I've never hesitated them taking Jacob - or their kids taking Jacob. I never have.
All this time, I have never disagreed with Elaine, Tom or any punishment or lessons with Jacob. I've actually come to rely on Tom as Jacob holds quite a bit of respect for him. Jacob never wants Tom to know when he's been naughty to his mom! I have always been careful to follow Elaine's rules as well, I don't mean that as I disagree with her but because she's right and because I have to have her back. I can't undo or override what she says - ever. It's her home, her rules. Again, not that there has been anything TO disagree with.
I almost cried last week - Jacob was being a JERK to me and Tom, Tom wasn't going to stand for it and he told Jacob that he wouldn't allow Jacob to disrespect his mother in his house. Jacob was mad! He stormed out the door! He would have slammed it if he could have (dang springs!). Jacob knew he'd gone too far. And he knew it was over. I didn't have any trouble with him for the rest of the night. What choked me up - what Tom did, was something my dad would have said. And - we all know how I feel about my dad - I was really glad to have that support. Thanks Tom and I know my dad would thank you too!
I look back at Jacob's milestones and Elaine & Tom were there for them all. When he rolled over, when he talked, everyone took turns letting Jacob hold fingers while he learned to walk. She taught him please and thank you, to eat with a spoon and fork, to pick up toys and put his dishes by the sink. I didn't do that. But, I know through all of these things, there is love. They truly love these kids and though they drive them CRAZY at times - they do this out of love, certainly not the money but, love.
I can't put to words how I feel about Elaine and Tom, grateful, thankful, blessed, lucky, are all at the top of the list. Because of them, I have been able to go to work and trust that my child was safe, to know that if he was sick, I'd be called and that he'd be loved until I could get to him! I can't label what that means to this mom, I can't put words to it, I can't price it. But, I can tell you it means the world to me to have it!
Thank you, Tom & Elaine for everything you do for all our kids. Thank you for all of the love you give to them and the lessons you teach them. Thank you for your patience with us parents - I know we're the biggest part of the battle. Thank you for helping us to make our children better people. Thank you for giving us parents the peace of mind in knowing that our children are loved and cared for when we can't be with them. Thank you for giving these kids a part of yourselves. They'll carry that, always.
(By the way - thank Jeanie - the words are all mine but, she chose the topic for "E")
I met Elaine and Tom when Jacob was only 5 months old. I don't know that I can explain to you what I felt when I met them but, I knew this was the place and they were the people I could trust my kid with. In the 6 years Jacob has been there, I have never once questioned my decision. Jacob has always enjoyed going there and I've never cried to leave him there.
I can say when I met them, I was looking for day-care but, what we got was family.
I've had many occasions when Jacob was littler where someone would say hi to him and call him by name. It used to unsettle me a bit, the whole I-don't-know-you-how-do-you-know-my-kid? thing and after many, many times of asking, I now know the answer, "Laine's".
Jacob grew up with Elaine and Tom. They think of him as their own, as do their kids (as do we). Jacob loves them all - Gary, Amber, Jerrod, Aubrey, Jeanie - I think Ashley and Katie were Jacob's first crushes - I seem to remember him calling one of them his "Hoe-ney". I can't help but think of them as family . I've never hesitated them taking Jacob - or their kids taking Jacob. I never have.
All this time, I have never disagreed with Elaine, Tom or any punishment or lessons with Jacob. I've actually come to rely on Tom as Jacob holds quite a bit of respect for him. Jacob never wants Tom to know when he's been naughty to his mom! I have always been careful to follow Elaine's rules as well, I don't mean that as I disagree with her but because she's right and because I have to have her back. I can't undo or override what she says - ever. It's her home, her rules. Again, not that there has been anything TO disagree with.
I almost cried last week - Jacob was being a JERK to me and Tom, Tom wasn't going to stand for it and he told Jacob that he wouldn't allow Jacob to disrespect his mother in his house. Jacob was mad! He stormed out the door! He would have slammed it if he could have (dang springs!). Jacob knew he'd gone too far. And he knew it was over. I didn't have any trouble with him for the rest of the night. What choked me up - what Tom did, was something my dad would have said. And - we all know how I feel about my dad - I was really glad to have that support. Thanks Tom and I know my dad would thank you too!
I look back at Jacob's milestones and Elaine & Tom were there for them all. When he rolled over, when he talked, everyone took turns letting Jacob hold fingers while he learned to walk. She taught him please and thank you, to eat with a spoon and fork, to pick up toys and put his dishes by the sink. I didn't do that. But, I know through all of these things, there is love. They truly love these kids and though they drive them CRAZY at times - they do this out of love, certainly not the money but, love.
I can't put to words how I feel about Elaine and Tom, grateful, thankful, blessed, lucky, are all at the top of the list. Because of them, I have been able to go to work and trust that my child was safe, to know that if he was sick, I'd be called and that he'd be loved until I could get to him! I can't label what that means to this mom, I can't put words to it, I can't price it. But, I can tell you it means the world to me to have it!
Thank you, Tom & Elaine for everything you do for all our kids. Thank you for all of the love you give to them and the lessons you teach them. Thank you for your patience with us parents - I know we're the biggest part of the battle. Thank you for helping us to make our children better people. Thank you for giving us parents the peace of mind in knowing that our children are loved and cared for when we can't be with them. Thank you for giving these kids a part of yourselves. They'll carry that, always.
(By the way - thank Jeanie - the words are all mine but, she chose the topic for "E")
Friday, May 4, 2012
D = Daisies
Today, and as I write this, I think of my friend Judy Melms. Her funeral is today. I hope there are daisies there. When I think of daisies, I think of her riding her horse in fields of daisies, the sun on her face and the breeze in her hair. I think of her free from pain and free from the body that wouldn't allow her to ride, to bake cookies, or to do her random little projects that only Judy would attempt to do.
I'll miss my friend, her laugh, and her warm smile. But, the one thing I am going to take from Judy's life, her friendship is how she lived it.
Judy worked in Jacob's school as an Instructional Assistant. I will always remember Judy's heart for kids. She always had a soft spot for the underprivileged. I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish this yet but, I know my goal is to make life easier for at least one child and I know Judy will help guide me.
I had planned when starting this writing challenge to use only my own original writings, only borrowing someone else's words for ideas but, I hadn't planned on losing a friend. When I sat to write this, the first thing to my mind was, Judy and this:
If I had to live my life over again, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would take more trips. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.
You see, I'm one of those people who live seriously and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've had my moments. And if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else, just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute.
If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.
Rest in Peace, my friend. Know you are loved. Know you are missed. But most of all, know I'm picking all the daisies I can before I see you again!
I'll miss my friend, her laugh, and her warm smile. But, the one thing I am going to take from Judy's life, her friendship is how she lived it.
Judy worked in Jacob's school as an Instructional Assistant. I will always remember Judy's heart for kids. She always had a soft spot for the underprivileged. I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish this yet but, I know my goal is to make life easier for at least one child and I know Judy will help guide me.
I had planned when starting this writing challenge to use only my own original writings, only borrowing someone else's words for ideas but, I hadn't planned on losing a friend. When I sat to write this, the first thing to my mind was, Judy and this:
I'd Pick More Daisies
by Nadine Stair
by Nadine Stair
You see, I'm one of those people who live seriously and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've had my moments. And if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else, just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute.
If I had it to do again, I would travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.
Rest in Peace, my friend. Know you are loved. Know you are missed. But most of all, know I'm picking all the daisies I can before I see you again!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
C = Compassion
As a parent, you wonder what things can be taught, what traits your child will inherit from you as his parents. Will he have daddy's intelligence or mom's common sense? Will he grow up to be sweet and kind or tough and distant?
As a parent of an adopted child you constantly question nature vs. nurture or rather what you can teach your child vs. what they were born with. You wonder what their biological parents were like - as people. Is being a good and caring person genetic? Will being adopted change his outlook on his life. Will we do a good job? Will he think we did a good job?
We spend a lot of our time visiting, chasing - okay, borderline stalking our firefighters, law enforcement, and ambulance service and we have begun to discuss how even though it's really cool to see them go by with their light on and sirens blaring, they aren't doing this for our entertainment.
We're learning about compassion and I really liked this explanation from Wikipedia - Compassion is an empathy and sympathy for the suffering of others.
We try to explain why sometmes the ambulance passes with its lights and sirens but, comes home silent. We do have a scanner and know some of the codes and we talk about what's happening, what we're hearing.
He's always disappointed in a disregard. Sometimes downright angry. We talk about it being a good thing because someone thought they needed help but, changed their mind. He's still not buying it.
We often say to Jacob - even though seeing the fire engine/ambulance/police is the best part of your day, it's the WORST part of someone else's day because they need help. Either they're hurt, or scared but, certainly something is wrong. And you wouldn't like it if you were hurt and crying and someone else was happy because of it. We also try to explain that it's hard on our friends because it hurts their feelings sometimes to see someone die or need help. So when they're sad, we're sad for them.
I've learned that as a parent, all you can ever do is the best you can do - and then give the best age appropriate answer. I only hope what I've learned is right!
As a parent of an adopted child you constantly question nature vs. nurture or rather what you can teach your child vs. what they were born with. You wonder what their biological parents were like - as people. Is being a good and caring person genetic? Will being adopted change his outlook on his life. Will we do a good job? Will he think we did a good job?
We spend a lot of our time visiting, chasing - okay, borderline stalking our firefighters, law enforcement, and ambulance service and we have begun to discuss how even though it's really cool to see them go by with their light on and sirens blaring, they aren't doing this for our entertainment.
We're learning about compassion and I really liked this explanation from Wikipedia - Compassion is an empathy and sympathy for the suffering of others.
We try to explain why sometmes the ambulance passes with its lights and sirens but, comes home silent. We do have a scanner and know some of the codes and we talk about what's happening, what we're hearing.
He's always disappointed in a disregard. Sometimes downright angry. We talk about it being a good thing because someone thought they needed help but, changed their mind. He's still not buying it.
We often say to Jacob - even though seeing the fire engine/ambulance/police is the best part of your day, it's the WORST part of someone else's day because they need help. Either they're hurt, or scared but, certainly something is wrong. And you wouldn't like it if you were hurt and crying and someone else was happy because of it. We also try to explain that it's hard on our friends because it hurts their feelings sometimes to see someone die or need help. So when they're sad, we're sad for them.
I've learned that as a parent, all you can ever do is the best you can do - and then give the best age appropriate answer. I only hope what I've learned is right!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
B = Best Friends
Thinking back, far back. I didn't have what I would call a best friend until high school. I had friends through grade school but, I went to parochial school, there were 6-8 girls in my class and we were all friends, I think I'm being honest here? We separated out though and did do things in groups of two, sometimes 3 but, I really don't remember having just one best friend. We didn't have the groups or cliques there are now, we were just all together.
It was tough changing over from parochial school to the public school. I was the first one from our little class to change over. The public school kids weren't all that welcoming and I was SUPER shy.
When I got into high school, I started hanging around with H - a lot. Now, I've known her all of my life - in fact I don't remember a time when I didn't know her. We did go to the same parochial school, in the same grade and she lived only a block down the street from us. I don't remember how we became inseparable through most of high school but,we did.
Let's see we tried smoking. We did a little drinking. Not much though - she was a cheerleader and could get kicked off the squad if she got caught. We met boys from Muskegon. We got stood up on dates. We dated or tried dating dorks from the Catholic school. (This is kinda hard - I don't want to reveal too much info about her, yet I know if she was reading over my shoulder she'd be saying - remember this? Oh yeah, I remember that! Say that part!). We borrowed a car, drove it to Ludington and got busted on the way back. Ha! Remember the creepy cop with the skull ring that pulled us over with those guys from Muskegon they had to come back up here to go to court!?! She and I have so many memories together.
H and I met a couple of guys late in high school - well she met hers first who was a friend with mine so they fixed us up. H and I drifted apart like girls do when they meet boys. She went on to marry hers, and I called off the wedding with mine about a month before it was to take place. A few months later, she divorced hers. I moved away and we hadn't spoken in almost 20 years. Thanks to a little social media, we met for lunch, spent some time together at our 20 year class reunion and well, it's okay. We're not calling each other to share recipes but, we are in contact once again.
After high school, I began hanging out with L and wow, just wow!, I was around 21 then and I don't remember a lot because well, we drank a lot. I also knew L in junior high school - actually she was one of the first people I tried to make friends with - it didn't go very well. I think she hated me at first. She and I met at the beginning of 7th grade but, we didn't have many of the same friends - it's kinda complicated she had her friends, I was the new girl. I was spoiled. I was shy. I'd had the same friends all of my life, I didn't know how to meet new people. AWKWARD. She'd had the same friends all of her life and then comes this outsider who wants in sooo badly but, yet all of her friends say 'nooo'. Then came all of the High School dynamics, I guess you'd call it. I hung with H and knew the cheerleader/jock crowd, L hung in the art room. Through it all, we managed to hang on to the corners and pull it together. Now L - L is the one friend (and we all have that one friend) that I could call in the middle of the night to help me bury a body (figuratively speaking) and she'd be there, no questions asked...well, if she was working that night she would - if I had to wake her up, well never mind, forget it.
And then I moved down here and met M. We worked together, lived together, I totally fell in with her family - entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, the whole deal. Slept with her brother. She and I were nearly inseparable for a few years. But, then I wanted some space. She made this friend (that I totally can't stand). She wasn't dating anyone. I was in between someones (literally), we'd both changed jobs and the commonality just disappeared. I hadn't spoken to her for about 6 years now maybe, before Jacob was born anyway. Again, that social media stepped in and we're making progress. I actually have plans to see her soon.
Now that we've moved to Allegan, I married Jeremy and he's truly my best friend. He's here for all of my junk. I'm working on finding some friends that aren't him. He's got crappy work hours, I can't count on him to get out of work on time. He's not always thee Best of friends but, I think I've got the best friend thing covered, I just need better people to hang out with when my best friend is never around.
As a grown up, I look back at these friendships and they're great. I guess I've never been one to have one friend for a long time. I think I like having a few good friends here and there. Quality, not quantity right?
It was tough changing over from parochial school to the public school. I was the first one from our little class to change over. The public school kids weren't all that welcoming and I was SUPER shy.
When I got into high school, I started hanging around with H - a lot. Now, I've known her all of my life - in fact I don't remember a time when I didn't know her. We did go to the same parochial school, in the same grade and she lived only a block down the street from us. I don't remember how we became inseparable through most of high school but,we did.
Let's see we tried smoking. We did a little drinking. Not much though - she was a cheerleader and could get kicked off the squad if she got caught. We met boys from Muskegon. We got stood up on dates. We dated or tried dating dorks from the Catholic school. (This is kinda hard - I don't want to reveal too much info about her, yet I know if she was reading over my shoulder she'd be saying - remember this? Oh yeah, I remember that! Say that part!). We borrowed a car, drove it to Ludington and got busted on the way back. Ha! Remember the creepy cop with the skull ring that pulled us over with those guys from Muskegon they had to come back up here to go to court!?! She and I have so many memories together.
H and I met a couple of guys late in high school - well she met hers first who was a friend with mine so they fixed us up. H and I drifted apart like girls do when they meet boys. She went on to marry hers, and I called off the wedding with mine about a month before it was to take place. A few months later, she divorced hers. I moved away and we hadn't spoken in almost 20 years. Thanks to a little social media, we met for lunch, spent some time together at our 20 year class reunion and well, it's okay. We're not calling each other to share recipes but, we are in contact once again.
After high school, I began hanging out with L and wow, just wow!, I was around 21 then and I don't remember a lot because well, we drank a lot. I also knew L in junior high school - actually she was one of the first people I tried to make friends with - it didn't go very well. I think she hated me at first. She and I met at the beginning of 7th grade but, we didn't have many of the same friends - it's kinda complicated she had her friends, I was the new girl. I was spoiled. I was shy. I'd had the same friends all of my life, I didn't know how to meet new people. AWKWARD. She'd had the same friends all of her life and then comes this outsider who wants in sooo badly but, yet all of her friends say 'nooo'. Then came all of the High School dynamics, I guess you'd call it. I hung with H and knew the cheerleader/jock crowd, L hung in the art room. Through it all, we managed to hang on to the corners and pull it together. Now L - L is the one friend (and we all have that one friend) that I could call in the middle of the night to help me bury a body (figuratively speaking) and she'd be there, no questions asked...well, if she was working that night she would - if I had to wake her up, well never mind, forget it.
And then I moved down here and met M. We worked together, lived together, I totally fell in with her family - entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, the whole deal. Slept with her brother. She and I were nearly inseparable for a few years. But, then I wanted some space. She made this friend (that I totally can't stand). She wasn't dating anyone. I was in between someones (literally), we'd both changed jobs and the commonality just disappeared. I hadn't spoken to her for about 6 years now maybe, before Jacob was born anyway. Again, that social media stepped in and we're making progress. I actually have plans to see her soon.
Now that we've moved to Allegan, I married Jeremy and he's truly my best friend. He's here for all of my junk. I'm working on finding some friends that aren't him. He's got crappy work hours, I can't count on him to get out of work on time. He's not always thee Best of friends but, I think I've got the best friend thing covered, I just need better people to hang out with when my best friend is never around.
As a grown up, I look back at these friendships and they're great. I guess I've never been one to have one friend for a long time. I think I like having a few good friends here and there. Quality, not quantity right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)