30 Truths - Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for.

I took a little break for vacation.  And these are hard to write!

So, something I have to forgive someone for...

Well, I have a lot of people that I need to forgive for the same thing.

I have high expectations of myself.  I have high expectations of how people should be treated and how they should treat me, yet I don't think I do such a great job doing this myself.

It's hard for people to live up to expectations or follow the rules if you don't tell them what the rules or expectations are.  Or tolerating negative behavior without acknowledging your distaste for it.  I am guilty of this.  Very guilty.

I guess it sounds a little strange, why would I forgive someone for not living up to expectations that I have created?  Because in my mind, they've wronged me by failing me.  Knowingly or unknowingly, they have hurt me.  I need to forgive that hurt and let it go.

For instance, I help you out of a rough spot financially and you take your time paying me back while spending money on other things in the meantime.  You finally mutter a "thank you" and we part ways without you ever paying me back, without even acknowledging my help - not that I need the credit but, just to take the credit for yourself?.  I'm going to forgive you but, we're not going to stay friends and I'm not going to loan or do anything for you again.  Ever.

I allowed this to happen.  I forgive the behavior but, I can't forget that it happened.  I learned a lesson and lessons always stay with you.

We all expect to be treated fairly, with dignity, with respect but, it's very hard when others don't give it return.  What I'm saying is I forgive those who haven't treated me fairly in the past, those who cannot respect my feelings, my wishes or my self.   In some cases there have been new starts, time to gradually review and rebuild.  Sadly (or not) some are lost forever.

I guess forgiving is not forgetting. 

I'm learning to voice myself better, to stand up for my feelings, to say 'no' - that's the biggest one and to sort out the others.  I'm learning to not have expectations of people, to see through to their core, their intention.  I'm learning to make better choices.  Forgiving all the way.