30 Days of Truth - Day 1 - Something I hate about myself

Nothing like starting out with a HUGE truth right from Go.  Couldn't we start with an easy one?  A little warm up?  No way!  Just jump in.  Head first.  Take a dive!

Something I hate about myself.

I hate that I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I hate that expression.  I hate that I was fired from a job and that was the line I was given when it was laid out before me.  "You wear your heart on your sleeve and unfortunately, that doesn't fit in here."  For the longest time, I thought it was an insult.  I thought it was something really bad.  I mean, I lost my job over it.

So, I hid it.  When I first moved away, I tried to be quiet and dependant and girly and well, it didn't work out so good.  I wasn't standing up for myself.  I was letting others control me, think for me, take advantage of me and, I didn't like that.

Margaret Thatcher said this, "To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best."  She's right.

Like it or not, it's true.  If I'm feeling something, sad, hurt, angry - whatever, if I feel it you'll feel it too.  And when I say feel, I mean FEEEEL.  You FEEL it in your bones.  To your core.

I hate that my facial expressions, my eyes, my smirk, they give me away every time.  Some of you may not know me well enough to have experienced this.  I've noticed it more with Jeremy. 

I am loud - I did not come equipped with an inside voice.  I am not soft spoken.  Ever.

I am opinionated.  Have you not noticed?

I say what I think and I mean what I say.  I often forget about tact.  I hate that too.

I can't hide. 

I accept it.

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Though it makes me look or sometimes feel like a backwoods hick, I wouldn't trade it.

I know what I want.  I know what I'll take, what I'll accept or tolerate.  I'm not a door mat and I never ever will be.

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

You'll always know where you stand with me - even if you can't give that back in return.  Even if sometimes it's hard to understand or to go along with. It may make it hard to like me.  Or make you wonder if my friendship is worth the challenge.

I always know who I am, I always know where I belong.  I don't like situations where I know I don't belong and I try to avoid those (like a freaking plague).

At the end of the day, I am who I am.  Love me or hate me.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.

And I still hate it.