What Children Learn - or not

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

 

 

 

I'm always so reflective.  Always looking back, how can I change this?  How can I be better at that?  I have so many fears that I'm not a good parent, I'm not a good partner, a good sister, a good daughter, a good wife, or a good friend. 

 

I want to show people what they mean to me but, I'm so afraid.  I want to give gifts but, in my world nothing was ever good enough which pushes me to over do it looking for the approval from the wrong person.  I'm so afraid that it won't be enough and you'll be angry with me.  She'll never approve and I'll never be right.

 

I think of this poem often.  It reminds me of what I should be, what my job is as a parent, a partner, sister, daughter, wife and a good friend.

 

I'm not selfish.  I'm not greedy.  I didn't have someone to show me how to be a good person, to love and respect people openly and honestly, to give without looking back.  I simply don't think that way - I wasn't taught to think that way.  I wasn't taught to do kind things for others.  I wasn't shown how to be a good person.  I'm learning and I hope I'm showing my child better than I was shown.