Focus

Here it is another Monday.  Somewhere between 1 and the approximate 52 of them this year.  I am having a little trouble with my focus today.

I love my job,  I love my freedom,my accountability is always proven in the numbers.  I don't have to do much to prove myself anymore.  It's very cut and dried.  These things must be done, I am the one who must do them.  It's not by choice.  This is not my ego speaking.  I am responsible for approximately $2M a month.  My integrity is CRUCIAL - critical to my job function.  There have been some reports in the news in regard to the company I work for and I have not shared information about this publicly nor will I - now that I think about it, I haven't spoken to my family about it.  It is so business as usual here for me.  I can't afford to lose focus on my responsibilities and worry about something in which I have no say in, and certainly no control over.  Focus on the tasks at hand.

Jeremy had a terribly long week last week 5 closes in 9 days.  I forget how hard that is for him and I tend to be less than forgiving, less than patient.  I work a regular desk job, only responsible for myself - well, and the money but, I have been doing this for so long that it's all a process for me.  I forget Jeremy has responsibilities to others and other work that needs to be done and I often get short with him for being less than engaged at home.  I know that he's tired.  I know he has a lot on his mind.  I know that in his work he has more people issues and more stuff rolls along that is totally out of control.

I need to redirect my focus to see that he does his best to be a part of our family even though he is exhausted to the bone.  I should see that he is struggling and work to help him rather than be angry or frustrated.  I often get frustrated in the differences between he and I and how we were raised and Jeremy's lack of direction, where I generally have every step planned out before I even begin. It's difficult to count on him, when he will or won't be there, what I can depend on and what I can't.  I need to focus more on rolling with the punches and not losing my focus on where I want to be with him in the end.

This time change thing has knocked Jacob for a loop.  Our sleep schedule is completely off.  It's harder to get him to bed at night and difficult to wake him for school in the morning.  I keep telling myself we only have a few more months until the freedom of summer.  Focusing on the prize.  He's a typical 7 year old boy.  He's pushing the limits with me, mostly using his mouth, and I often lose my temper with him.  It bothers me that he doesn't exercise his uh, desire to argue with his father, no he saves it all for me. Some say because he's closer to me, some say because I am stricter with him.    I want my child to have more opportunity than I did, to have the drive, ambition, and knowledge Jeremy or I are missing.  My focus is on making him a good man.

I signed up for an online course - Vision and Purpose.  It's a 10 day workshop both to define the difference and clear the negativity that stops us from where we allow ourselves to go, in our relationships/job/lives/etc.  It seems I'm stuck with an old manual lens and I'm constantly tweaking it, trying to focus.  I'm always examining something closer, dissecting it, looking for a better approach.  This course, and I have a few others on the calender for this summer, should help to clear some of the fuzz from the edges.  There isn't an auto focus for this one, it doesn't matter how much money you spend, I'm sorry.

I'm hoping to focus more on my intuition, my meditations - no I don't sit criss-cross-applesauce chanting "ohm" in a room full of stinky incense and candles.  Meditation to me is simply praying.  Me talking and sometimes listening to God redirecting my focus or even showing me His.  I want to move forward but, I need more practice, I need to learn to direct my focus, control it, hone it and keep working with it.  Sadly, there isn't much opportunity to do so. 

Could you imagine what it could be if we all aligned our focus, if every one of us focused on doing what is best for us, what is right.  If we all could just forgive and let go.  If we all concentrated on our Earth, our waters, our relationships, our attitudes and consciously made efforts to improve them?

All it takes is a little focus.  Be the one, be the change.  See what happens when you change your focus.