Once you're a parent

If I had a dollar for everytime I heard the words "Having kids changes everything!" or "you won't understand until you have kids of your own", you and I would never have to worry about money again, my friend.

First of all - the immeasurable, overwhelming love you have for this tiny person that you just met. It's amazing to me that I can meet an adult or another kid and I instantly know whether I like them or not but, I have this kid and I knew the moment I saw his dark haired, little round head that I would love him forever and love him unconditionally.

2 - The instinct to protect this little person. It's almost animal. You can't bear to think of him being physically or emotionally hurt and you'll growl or bite at anything or anyone you suspect might harm him in any way.

3 - Nothing matters but him. Really, when I look at the grand scheme - he's it! He's the star! It's about a roof over his head, a bed for him to sleep, food for him to eat and to know that he is loved. It's all about making sure it's there for him.

4 - Time. I try to make every moment of my spare time his. To do something with him, to share with him, to show him, to teach him or for him to teach me.

5 - Letting go.

It's become more difficult as he's getting older and I have to work on letting go. It's the hardest thing to let him go and be with someone else. It is really hard to trust someone else with your most precious - I don't know the word...  Are they going to watch him as I do? Are they going to help him like I do? Are they going to know that he needs help? Are they going to make him hold hands in the parking lot or to cross the street?  Do they care that he likes his nuggets cut in four and will they understand him when he tries to tell them?

It'll get worse as he expands to going with friends and their parents - Do they have guns in their house? Do they have trigger locks or a gun safe?  Are they safe drivers?  Do the adults actually watch the kids or are they allowed to run wild - alone and juggle knives?

I add an extra element to all of this when I include Jacob's Sensory Processing Disorder and I realize that even within our own families, most people don't understand what it does to him or how to deal with it.  Jeremy and I have been working with it long enough to understand the triggers, the process, and the aftermath of an episode.  It's difficult to wonder how someone else will react or if they'll even notice.

The most difficult is people who can't comprehend that my child is not your child, not your daughter's child or your son's child - he's my child.  I want you to give him the best part of everything all of the time, just like I do (or I try really hard to do).  I want you to love him like his mommy does, watch him like I do, or protect him like I do and love him like I do.  It's the hardest not to expect anything less.

Once you're a parent, you'll understand.