And Hear The Angels Sing

 I don't remember the last time I went to church for Sunday service.  I had messaged with a friend about going but, I knew I wasn't strong enough to go at Christmas.  It was too hard already...before, when I just missed my dad.

I got up this morning and I decided to just go.  I was having my coffee, and a lady cardinal showed up at our feeder.  It's been awhile since they have been here, I figured the male would be along and sure enough, bright red as ever, he arrived.  I knew I was supposed to go today.  I got dressed and I went.

I wasn't nervous.  I wasn't afraid. I forgot my tissues.  I saw familiar faces right as I got inside the door, and with a few hugs, I knew it was good to be back.  I took a seat and waited for it the service to start.

Their Christmas service had been cancelled due to weather, they had a substitute pastor and all the Christmas hymns caught in my throat and I could only manage the prayers for a bit.  And I wasn't quite sure what I was doing there.

When the First Reading came up on the board, I had an idea.

The people walking in darkness

    have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of deep darkness

    a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation

    and increased their joy;

they rejoice before you

    as people rejoice at the harvest,

as warriors rejoice

    when dividing the plunder

For as in the day of Midian's defeat,

    you have shattered

the yoke that burdens them,

    the bar across their shoulders,

    the rod of their oppressor.

Every warrior's boot used in battle

    and every garment rolled in blood

will be destined for burning,

    will be fuel for the fire.

For to us a child is born,

    to us a son is given,

    and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace,

Or the greatness of his government and peace

    there will be no end.

He will reign on David's throne

    and over his kingdom,

establishing and upholding it

    with justice and righteousness

    from that time on and forever.

The zeal of the Lord Almighty

    will accomplish this.

Isaiah 9: 2-7

"People walking in darkness have seen a great light" WHAT??  "On those living in the land of darkness a light has dawned" WHAT???  WHAT???  That's me!  He's talking about me!  I have been living the last year in the land of darkness and here I am on the first day of a new year and you're telling me "light has finally dawned"?  WTF?  Really?  I have been waiting for light for so long.  And I feel it!

Okay.  1st clue.

It's going ok.  I check the time.  10:29.  I smile.  10:29 on the clock is my sign from my sister Valerie.  It's her sign for me that she is with me.  Of course, it drew a smile,

Thank you for the 2nd clue.

I'm not following the bulletin as I normally would, just following along, finding comfort in the familiarity of the prayers I learned as a child when I hear the beginning notes of my most dreaded Christmas hymn.  "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear" - ugh.  And I had no tissues.  It was my Dad's favorite and the tears just roll every time BUT today!  I didn't cry.  The frog in my throat made sure I couldn't sing but, I read all the words in my head and we got to verse 3 and I got the message again!

All ye beneath life's crushing load

Whose forms are bending low

Who toil along the climbing way

With painful steps and slow

Look now for glad and golden hours

Come swiftly on the wing

O rest beside the weary road

And hear the angels sing

And hear the angels sing

In all my life, I have never heard these words.  All the times my Dad sung this, I have never heard these words.  It's time to rest beside the weary road and hear the angels sing.  It's time.

My angels all showed up today, Jeremy in my cardinal at the feeder, my sister at 10:29 - letting me know she was there like always.  God/Jesus telling me that my walk in darkness is done - the dawn is here and my dad, using that hymn that I HATE to bring me a new message.

Oh, and I talked to a few fellow widows today and I'm going to get together with them as well.

Finally, one year and one month after Jeremy died, I can hear my angels singing!