Old friends

It was good for me to get out. It's been a long time since I've been in a bar and enjoyed the uh, locals. Whew! I had forgotten how interesting people watching in a bar can be. The woman who had too much to drink too early in the night now dancing alone with the wall. The young girls and their new moves. The old/young couples making out by the bar. They even had a guy selling roses for your lovey from a white plastic trash can. The band was pretty good, though I didn't catch their name. The played a lot of the 80's hair band music.

As good as it was to get out, it brought back a lot of memories for me - the people, the music. I did really miss my old friends from my bar days. I actually, wished they were there. Lori, Kevin, and Joe...

We were always together in some combination. Sometimes all 4 but, at least 2 with 1 or 2 of the others to meet us later. We were an odd group but, it always worked so well. We watched out for each other, laughed at each other. We just had fun. We all graduated high school together - though we weren't all friends then. Lori and the guys worked together at a local grocery store. I'd been friends with Lori since the 8th grade.We were never jealous or possessive in our little circle, always making sure another wasn't left behind or made to feel like a third wheel. We stuck up for each other, we fought for each other, but never against each other. Until Kevin and I left.

Kevin and I moved down here. Lori and Joe stayed in town. We always made plans to get together on weekends and we'd all go out to the bar. Eventually, we grew up from our bar days and moved on...some of us. Lori has three kids and a great husband. She's still in Manistee content with being a mom and a Brownie leader. I still can't believe my eyes or ears when I see or hear how much of a mom she is! Last I knew, Kevin was let go or left his position with my company, married a girl with a daughter of her own - I don't know where he is now. Joe. Joe is only here in our memories. Joe loaded his pistol and shot himself in the heart over a girl he was seeing who was seeing someone else. He died instantly.

When Kevin and I moved away, the dynamic between us four changed. I sometimes think Joe just wanted us all to stay the same. At the time of Joe's death, he, Lori, and I weren't getting along very well. He was withdrawn and saying or doing such mean things - now I know he hoped to drive us away. We didn't know he was having problems with this girl or with his finances. We didn't realize his life was falling apart. He never said anything. Joe and I had plans to talk the morning before he died. He cancelled our plans. I passed him on the road later that same day, on his way to their cabin but he wouldn't stop. I called him later that night, to tell him I'd be in town all week - my dad had died that afternoon (Saturday). His mom later told me he didn't get my message. He came home from the cabin Sunday morning, locked up the house, and 'took care of his business'. His stuff from the cabin was still by the front door.

I was on my way back to Manistee when I got the news I'd lost one of my best friends. Edna and I had driven back to my apartment to get my 'uniform' for my father's funeral and more clothes to last me the week. We were just North of Muskegon, on our way home, when I got the call - Joe was gone. I spent the week making rounds between the Catholic funeral home, the Lutheran funeral home, my sister's house, and Joe's parents house.

I really did have a good time out on Friday. I'm glad I went and no, I don't relive Joe's death any time or every time I've gone out since Joe passed. It doesn't have a hurtful effect anymore. Honestly, this is the first I've thought about him in a while. I was reminded on Friday of my good friends and the many good times I'd had with them in the past. Things like Joe playing 'Smokin' in the Boy's Room' on his guitar - the first song I'd ever heard him play. Lori's long hair flying everywhere while she'd head bang to Metallica. And Kevin, doing the "Steiny Shuffle" as we called his 'dancing'. I remembered each of us counting how many drinks we'd had to determine who was more sober to drive home. Kevin and Joe's discussion on what lettuce looks like when you barf Subway. And how Lori called everybody 'dooode'. I think of those times and I smile. I miss my friends and I just smile.