Jacob had his 3 year check-up on Tuesday. He's 38 lbs. and 37 in. tall. The 95th and 60th percentile respectively. Jacob was EXTREMELY uncooperative and wouldn't let Dr. Greene do anything. Dr. did say that Jacob's ears are heavily waxed and he couldn't see the tubes.
We talked to Dr. Greene about the concerns we have with Jacob's over sensitivities. He sent us to SPDfoundation.net. I do hope you follow the link and read (if nothing else) the 'About SPD' tab. Reading that section, I actually felt my shoulders fall from relief. This is my kid! That's Jacob! This explains the past year of his life!
Infants and toddlers
__X__ Problems eating or sleeping
__X__ Refuses to go to anyone but me (he takes FOREVER to warm up)
__X__ Irritable when being dressed; uncomfortable in clothes
_____ Rarely plays with toys
__X__ Resists cuddling, arches away when held
__X__ Cannot calm self (depending on the situation and amount of sleep)
__X__ Floppy or stiff body, motor delays
Pre-schoolers
__X__ Over-sensitive to touch, noises, smells, other people
__?__ Difficulty making friends
__X__ Difficulty dressing, eating, sleeping, and/or toilet training
__X__ Clumsy; poor motor skills; weak
__X__ In constant motion; in everyone else's face and space
__X__ Frequent or long temper tantrums
Ouch! **Where multiples are listed, I made bold the things he does do.
I kept this news to myself a little longer than maybe I should have. I didn't do any research or reading until this morning. I was too shocked, too hurt. I'm still hurt. I'm so angry that this is happening to my sweet little boy. It's not fair! He's a little boy. He doesn't deserve this - no kid does! I was relieved though, to actually read this is a disease and it isn't all my fault. I didn't cause it - I may not have helped him deal with it but, I didn't create this. Other parents really just suck sometimes! I had asked the Dr. if it was me - his answer was yes...and no. According to my reading, he's right. I have a lot of reading ahead of me on this topic. I need to find the spectrum of severity and where Jacob fits before I can relax.
We're doing all we can do right now to treat this. Jacob's OT is aware of it, we're aware of it. We'll be trying different things to help Jacob through it. Hopefully, he will grow out of it or we can give him good tools to deal with it. I don't know how long it will take, if it will go away, or if this a rest of his life thing.
Just in case you were wondering, I love Jacob with all that I am and all that I have. He is my child. He is my life. I don't regret even a second of this adoption. I don't blame his birth parents. When I signed the papers to make Jacob my son, I agreed to take on everything he had. I agreed to be his mother and to love him, to nurture him, to teach him, and to protect him - no matter what. There is nothing that could ever happen with him, nothing he could ever do to take that away.
I know how crushing getting answers about what is wrong can be. Once it has a name, it feels more concrete, and it's good in some ways, because you can begin to figure out the next steps...what we do from here. On the other hand, the weight of a diagnosis can be heavier than you'd ever imagine. I feel like people grieve diagnoses for themselves and their loved ones in the same way we grieve losses. You have to move through the stages of denial, anger...eventually acceptance. It can take a long time to get there, with lapses in between steps. I am still working through the stages of grieving my own diagnosis and I know how hard that has been. I can't even BEGIN to imagine how difficult it would be to accept it for your own child. I know how much you love your son, want to protect him and help him. I am praying for you all; I know it is a really stressful, exhausting, and emotional time. *Hugs*
ReplyDeleteEm stated my thoughts much more eloquently then I ever could have.
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know that I'm thinking about you guys and praying for you as you work through this difficult diagnosis.