Another Grandma

This post is going to be different than what I may have told you in conversation - it's had a little more time to sink in, and I'm making more sense of it and what she actually said.

Saturday afternoon, Jeremy was getting ready for work, Jacob was napping, and I was getting food together for his birthday party (I'll post about that after I have the pictures uploaded) when my phone rang. The caller ID read "Gordon S* XXX-XXX-XXXX". I thought it was probably a wrong number and just answered.

"Hello? Gail?"

"Yes?"

"Hi. I'm Jacob's bio... adop... grandma... Nancy S*"

"Oh, You're Rob's Mom!'

"Yes, I'm Rob's mom. I've had your phone number for a long time, and I've been wanting to call you but I was afraid. I was afraid you wouldn't talk to me. I didn't know what you'd do."

I talked to her for about an hour. She would like to meet her grandson.

I'm not sure when she found out about Jacob's existence but I do know how. Rob brought pictures of Jacob home to her and she thought they were of Nicholas (Jacob's older full brother), and said, Oh, you had pictures done of Nick, Rob told her no, that's Jacob. Amber gave him up for adoption. My Lord! As a mother, as a Grandmother, could you imagine!?!

We exchanged so much information. She is raising Nicholas. Rob doesn't see him often. It was absolutely wonderful to compare notes with the mom who is raising an identical older version of my Jacob. We talked about what I knew coming into the adoption versus what she was told after the fact. We talked about Rob as a person, as a child and I now have a little window as to what makes my Jacob tick! She told me that Rob had speech issues as a child - which explains why Jacob says some of his words the way he does.

She said I seemed to be a nice person and a good mom. She said she can't wait to meet Jacob and I.

Anyway, the past two Christmases she's sent gifts for Jacob. And, I've wanted an address for them to at least send a 'thank-you' but, Amber wouldn't budge. I knew Rob's mom had to be looking for us and I knew it was only a matter of time before she found us.

Rob's parents and Nick are moving this week. They're moving about 20 minutes away from us. I am going to meet her. I am going to take Jacob to meet her.

I know you're sitting there thinking WTF!?! Maybe you're thinking - man, how many of these people is she going to let into Jacob's life?

Jacob's adoption didn't come with instructions. I wasn't handed an answer book to tell me what to do when a Grandma comes knocking on your door wanting to see her grand baby. I read once that a child should NEVER remember the day they were told they were adopted. I'm trying to make the S* family as much of a part of Jacob's life as I can. I don't want him to feel they abandoned him, or wonder where they were all of his life, or if they loved him. I don't want him to search for those answers. I want him to know! I want him to know that his first mommy couldn't care for him. I want him to know that all of his 'Bammies' love him very much. I want him to know that we love him very much and we would never keep him from his biological family. I want him to know that we encouraged relationships with them.

The most difficult part of making these decisions is Jacob's siblings. Being the youngest of six myself, and even with the age differences, I couldn't imagine knowing my brother and my sisters existed but not knowing where they were or if they knew about me. I hope I'm doing it right.