Jeremy is coming off of a round of closing shifts. Tonight is the last. Holy Crap! I woke at 5:50 AM to him snoring so freaking loud! I looked over and he's sleeping on his stomach, can't tell him to roll over. I know I kicked him at least once and I'm sure I hit him too. We rent this stupid sleep apnea machine to help...funny thing...you have to wear it for it to work! I realized I was in a losing situation, so I got up, showered and left.
The trees are GONE! They came in yesterday and finished - kind of. They have to come back to grind out the stump in the back. I'm now praying for some heavy rain to wash off my driveway, my sidewalks, and maybe level out some of the mud!
I don't think I had said this out here but Jeremy was officially diagnosed with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) last week. He completed the testing about a week or so ago. At this point he and the psychologist are looking to treat it with behavior modification and monthly therapy sessions, with medication as a last resort. I believe we all have some form of ADD, and we all deal with it in different ways. I write lists. I hope Jeremy can find his way to deal with his and I hope I can find a way to deal with him!
I'm thinking of going back to the brain poker . I went before my parents divorce, I went again after Jeremy and I got married, and we both went around the time Jacob was born. In some ways, it's nice to have someone to talk to that doesn't say much - it also gets a little annoying because they don't say much. I just feel like I want to dump everything from the past year (maybe two) into someone else's lap, let them sort it all out and give it back to me when it's fixed or tell me what I need to do to be able to accept it. I wish it worked that way. I get tired of thinking but, I am starting to feel better. I want to turn over a new leaf. I'm trying to put away the last bit of bitterness and resentment regarding the whole infertility thing and start fresh. I know it's not healthy to hang on to that last bit of jealousy. Sometimes, I'm not sure I can let it go on my own. It's so much easier to hate and be mean.
Speaking of mean, I called Edna (my mother) last night. I wanted to arrange something to see her while we're in town and now I wonder why I bothered. "What are you coming home now, for?", "You're staying in the hotel the whole weekend?", "What are you going to do here?". I asked if she would like to meet us for breakfast Saturday morning. "Where? There isn't any thing good here anymore." Then proceeded to list every smoking permitted establishment in town (she doesn't smoke) where I can take my 2 year old for breakfast. Including the local bars. DUH! I don't know the last time she saw Jacob. I don't even remember the last time I was home. In some ways, I thought she'd sound happy to see us, happy to see Jacob - I know she will be when we get there...for about an hour. The last time, we had to leave so she could go to the laundromat.
Jacob's post-op checkup is today at 2:30. We have another hearing test and the test to measure the pressure in his ears.
We leave tomorrow after lunch. Thanks for the well wishes and hopefully I can get some good shots of Lake Michigan to share when we come back. Hopefully, she still has her healing powers for me. I can't wait to smell the beach air and see the rolling whitecaps! Oh, and Em...I'll think of you while I'm enjoying my Big Al's!
So much info. packed into this post! :) First of all...hallelujah for the trees finally being gone!
ReplyDeleteAlso, no!, I don't think you mentioned Jeremy got the official ADD diagnosis (Drew and I talked a week or so ago about him being test, too, we both wonder if he has it at times). You'll have to keep us posted on therapy, etc. Crossing my fingers that this helps!
As for going back to the brain poker, I think it is very brave of you to be considering going. You are very inspiring, because it is tough to sometimes admit out loud that there are some things we just can't deal with on our own, or can't let go of no matter how hard we try. I consider going back to my old (or a new therapist) at least once a month. It can make such a world of difference, but it's hard to take that first step--but so very worth it in the end.
Oh, Edna...I hope you're able to get together with her, if just for a little while at a 2yo-friendly establishment. I'm sure she'd be beyond charmed by Jacob once she actually sees him again!
I'm looking forward to hearing how the post-op appt. goes.
And, finally, yes, think of me at Big Al's! :) My stomach is growling right now just thinking of the Big Al's Special with sub sauce! ;)
Have a very safe and fun trip!