Tough

My friend, Jen, told me yesterday, that I wasn't as tough as she had thought, as she'd never seen me cry before. I started thinking about that word...tough. Then I wondered, what it really meant.

Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines tough:

1 a: strong or firm in texture but flexible and not brittle b: not easily chewed
2: glutinous, sticky
3: characterized by severity or uncompromising determination
4: capable of enduring strain, hardship, or severe labor
5: very hard to influence : stubborn
6: difficult to accomplish, resolve, endure, or deal with
7: stubbornly fought
8: unruly, rowdyish
9: marked by absence of softness or sentimentality

I never really thought the word tough was a description of me but, I never looked it up to find the true meaning of the word. I guess in some ways it does describe me. I do have uncompromising determination, I am capable of enduring strain and hardship, I have labored to accomplish myself, and to get to where I am. I am hard to influence, I am stubborn - I have to be (I buy from salespeople - everyday). Sometimes, yes, I'm even hard to deal with. These things are true. I do like "tough" a lot better than some other words I have heard others use describe me in last few weeks. Words like: spoiled, manipulative, selfish, witch, and I'm sure there are many more that I haven't heard. I don't agree that I am marked by a lack of softness or sentimentality though. I won't ever be weak but, I do have a heart, it does hurt, and I do cry, more often then I'll ever show you. Tough, tough is a pretty good description of me. I do prefer words like determined, reserved, guarded, and shielded to describe me but, those words are behaviors that are learned, learned from being tough. Or at least trying to be.