It's a good question, isn't it?
I had about a week and a half off over Christmas and it was wonderful. We didn't make any plans or take any trips, it was so nice just to relax and home, together and really to just BE.
I don't remember a time in my life where I've felt so full, so much and yet not be able to write freely, without consequence as I do now. The choices and the changes I'm going through now are not mine so I can't openly share all of them here and it's really hard for me...yet I know it's just not my story to tell.
Christmas was unusual, perplexing and almost inexplicable (I had a little fun on Google finding these words) for me this year. I wasn't into the spirit, the spending, the tradition or magic of it all this year. Our tree was down and all evidence of Christmas removed by the Monday after. Not at all like me! We did our normal dinner/snacks but, there wasn't a special "really wanted" gift for Jacob this year and it seemed to be a 'going through the motions' type thing for me. I think that contributed to the lack of lacking this year.
Is it just us or did last year end with this huge pile of upheaval? For us, it was another new job and even less money for Jeremy (better benefits and advancement though), my sister being diagnosed with stage IV Adenocarcinoma (soft tissue cancer), my responsibilities at work shifting and...a...long term house guest - which, I'm not going to lie, it's extremely hard/heart wrenching for me to watch this one play out. And then our every day normal on top of all that. Y'all, this girl is overwhelmed!
And then I look back at last year, And I was just as overwhelmed. I had lost my mom, I was terribly, excruciatingly angry with her, Jeremy left his job, I was thinking about leaving my job and a huge spot of my damned hair fell out!
Oh, I almost forgot, my corporate credit card was compromised too!
When does it stop? When does it get easier? When does the success outweigh the challenges? When do I get to be just whelmed?
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