41

I think I hit the ground running after vacation.  I'm pretty sure I've paused now.

I'm 41.

The week going into 41 was horrible.  Probably one of the worst weeks of my life.   I was going to work early every day so I could get home for Jeremy to go to work every day - 6 days for him that week - only one day off.  We came home, had to stop for a moron that hit a deer, maimed it and drove off, waited for the sheriff to come, peed in some strangers bathroom while waiting for the sheriff,  hurry like hell home, unpack the car, take showers, change clothes, ran to a graduation party, unpack every thing we unpacked, did laundry, worked, shuffled our kid, got a new roof (that's now leaking), the washing machine died, bought a new one, I had to come home one day and work here so Jeremy could go in, we had company both weekends (don't misunderstand - I loved that!) and had an anniversary party on the night of my birthday knowing Jeremy couldn't go with me!  With zero celebration of my birthday together.  Jacob and I stopped to see Jeremy for lunch and my order was even wrong.  I cried in the restaurant. Everything was wrong.  Holy Shit!  Can I pack anything else into that shitty fucking week!?!

Did I mention the lack of sleep last week?   Most every night I was up past midnight and awake for work by 5/6 AM.  All week. Plus the sleep I missed on vacation (how about all the emails I answered at 2/3 AM - on vacation).  Friday night I was so wound up, I took 3 nighttime acetaminophen and...it was after 1:30AM the last I saw the clock. I was up at out of bed by 7:30.

By the time I got to my brother's party, which I knew was the last thing I had to do for the week, I was done.  Burned out.  Brain fried.  I was an emotional disaster!  My sister-in-law is one of those people who you hug and you just don't want to let go...I hugged her that night and it all just fell out!  The tears just ran and ran! With every hug, they ran a little harder.  My brother, my sisters - more and more tears.  Ugh!  I should have stayed home!  No, I'm glad I went.  I'm so sorry I worried everyone.  I'm ok.   

I did finally sleep Saturday night after the party. I slept hard.  I knew that was my end.  The end of an awful week. The end of being 40.  

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes. True. Turning 41 wasn't the best birthday I'd ever had.  And that's ok.  Maybe you shouldn't cry on your birthday     But. I felt more loved and more cared for on this birthday. I saw almost all of my siblings again this birthday.  And my son took me out to lunch.  Sometimes, we need to experience the not-so-good to see all the good we do have.  

Here's to 41.