Mourning

“If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it.” ~ Lemony Snicket 

 

Mourning, grieving, crying, hurt, and loss.  They all go together.  I have mourned, grieved, cried, hurt and lost so many, my father, grandparents, my sister, good friends and two unborn children.  The older I am, the more loss there seems to be.  It doesn't get any easier, this mourning.  It seems to always be there and just when we've finished with one, another sneaks in behind it. 

 

Death is often with me.  Spirits come and go.  Some speak with me, some don't.  I often think of these people, who they were in life.  Why they come to me.  Seriously, in my own experiences with death, I have experienced more loss before I was 30 than most of you will experience ever but, I always think of the people who are left behind.  I already know the person who passed has already gone home.

 

I think of my mom, burying her daughter.  How does a mother bury her child?

 

I think of my sister, she was with my dad when he passed. How does a daughter watch life escape with her daddy's last breath?

 

I think of Jacob's grandpa, he married his high school sweetheart.  How does a husband say goodbye to his wife?

 

I think of my dear friend, she met a co-worker.  They married, started a business together, raised their children, had a life together.  What do you do when you wake up and find he's passed on in the night?

 

I think of my babies, the precious unborn souls. How do you accept?  How do you begin to heal?

 

I don't know the answers and they are my own questions. There are no rules to mourn.  There is no time limit on grief.  Everyone sees it differently, everyone handles it differently.  There is no right, there is no wrong.

 

It seems to be easier for me when people are older, have health issues or chronic illness.  It's easier for me to think that their journey here on Earth is done.  To think they are healed in Heaven, and free from pain.  I believe that our loved ones are always with us.  If that is because I have spirits come to me, it may be, so I know they are always here. That is my belief however, whatever you need to get through, then it's the right thing for you.

 

I take great comfort in knowing my father is in Heaven with his father, his brothers, with his Heavenly Father.  I know my dad is free from his crippling disease, fishing and hunting near the Clam River that he loved so much. 

 

I know my sister is in her Heavenly home, watching over my sisters, my brother, and our children.  Keeping us safe and blessing our dreams.

 

I'm happy for Jacob's grandma to finally meet Jesus.

 

And my babies, they weren't meant to be here.  It simply wasn't their time.  I have come to accept it, somehow.  I'm still healing.

 

Mourning?  Healing?  I don't think one comes without the other.  One step, one day at a time.