“What you see with your eyes shut is what counts.”

I was catching up on some blog reading from my friend Echo Bodine this morning and I had to share this post from her site:

"Another whole world opens up when we close our eyes and calm our mind. Be still and know; be still and hear; be still and see; be still and feel. Inside every person is a still, small voice. Sometimes it is necessary to close our eyes to shut down our perception in order to see. Try this occasionally when you are talking to your child or spouse, close your eyes and listen to them. Listen to the tone of their voice; listen to their excitement; listen to their pain-listen.

Great Spirit, today, let me hear only what really counts."

I know I am struggling these days with patience and calm.  Jeremy and I are working through some stressfull family stuff, work is crazy, Jeremy's job is under constant change and of course, I find myself hollering at Jacob for such little things and I feel soooo bad after the fact that I just hug him and I cry.

Like this morning - 2AM and he comes to sleep in my bed.  I love my son but, I HATE sharing a bed - even a king size bed - with him.  He twists and turns all over the bed.  And THE worst = he likes to burrow!  He likes to scoot all the way down to the foot of the bed but, he doesn't like his head covered which means as he's burrowing down, he's taking all of the blankets down with him and uncovering me!  Now most nights my bedroom is a solid 58 degrees because we don't have heat in our bedroom (we have a space heater but, I don't sleep with it on) and I like my covers pulled up to my chin!  So...well...if he's in my bed, I get damn cold!  Plus I already have a 60lb. dog in there.  Anyway it's 2AM and I'm just a screaming, raging bitch over this kid who only wants to sleep with his mom. 

I know now, I need to slow down and take this time with him.  He won't be this age forever.  He won't need or want me later like he does now.  I do need to close my eyes and just listen to him.  But, he also really needs to sleep in his own bed, while I need to not be so bitchy at 2AM to work us through that.

     *I did get up and talk to him while getting him back in his own bed.  I promised that the next weekend night when his daddy works, we'll have a snack and watch TV or a movie in my bed.  Just the 2 of us.  He LOVES to do that.  It was his sweet sleepy face that just melted my heart!  I don't want to be that 'mean' mom again!

I know now that I need to change some other things too - like although I like a home in perfect order - I need to realize that the dishes can wait.  This TV program isn't important.  But, this kid.  This kid is important and he wants me.  I'm going to work very hard to make that better!

Thanks Echo!  Thanks for reminding me to close my eyes and listen to my son's "Still, small voice" too!