My worst fear...

is fire.  You might think that a little odd as my son is obsessed with firefighters, fire trucks, and most anything related to the two.  But, yes. 

Fire.  Fire is my worst fear.

Our house is old and the wood is dry.  We have smoke detectors in each bedroom, 2 in the hall, the basement, and anywhere in between.  Yet, I fear that if our house were to catch fire, we wouldn't know in time.  I fear we won't be able to get all of us out.  As important as it would be for all of us to get out safely, I can't help but think of the memories lost, the treasures I have saved for Jacob, family photos, heirlooms and all of the things your home holds.

I know they're just things.  Sure, most things can be replaced.   It's those special things that I would hate to lose.  I know those aren't truly what is important but, they are important.  They are big.  They aren't replaceable.  Your bridal shower gifts.  Your wedding photos.  Your baby shower gifts.  The outfit your babies wore home from the hospital.  Your child's first Christmas ornament, your wedding dress, the only photo of your favorite Aunt Harriet.  It breaks my heart to think of this, of losing these things.  Where do you begin to replace what you've lost?  How do you rebuild what was home?

I said, it breaks my heart to think of this and sadly my friend Kate over at My Merlot, she's living it today...for the past couple of days.  She's living my worst nightmare.  They lost their home, everything in it and their cat to a fire on Saturday night.  I thank God above that they are all safe and made it out of their home.  I thank God they have family close by to put a roof over their heads and give them love and support.  I thank God they have friends who are doing everything they can to help and ease their burdens in any way they possibly can.  Imagine what you would do to wake up in the night and know your house is on fire and you have to save your family while you are 3 months pregnant with a 3YO, a 1YO, a dog, and all you're wearing is tank top and yoga pants.  You didn't even have time to get your shoes on!  Then you sit on the street and watch as 7 (yes, seven) fire departments respond and they can't save any one thing that you own, and you watch as your house, your home, your memories, your heirlooms, your Christmas, and all of your firsts disappear with the night.

It sickens me to think about this young family up against this devastation, this loss.  I struggle to accept it.  Yet, I know there is a reason, there is a plan.  There is a God.  Right now, this God is showing them how strong the bond of family and friends can be.  There are so many people trying to help.  This God is taking care of this family and they'll figure that out as they grieve.

I ask you to please, please pray for this family.  Pray for them to have the strength.  Pray for their little boy to have sweet dreams at night, like every little boy should.  Pray for this mom who is terrified of losing her unborn child due to all of the stress.  Pray for this dad who wants to provide for his family and keep them safe.  Pray for this marriage to strengthen during this time of extreme challenge. Pray for God to provide this family with what they need and his guiding hand to show them the way through their worst fears.

I am.

Numerology

I suppose after what I said yesterday you won't be surprised to know that I'm also into Numerology - Numerology is any study of the purported mystical relationship between a count or measurement and life.

I am a Master Life Path 11 which is also explained as a heightened 2.  You can figure out your life path here.

Individuals with the Life Path number 11 are very intuitive, in fact it is the most intuitive of all numbers. They are sensitive and have a great understanding of others, and can sense a great deal about what is going on behind the scenes. For example, they will pick up on people's relationships and health without being told anything. They are here to use their gifts of intuition, and sensitivity to help others.

Life path of 11 has the qualities of the number two magnified. If you have this number you are spiritually aware, a visionary, inspiring, charismatic, inventive, a dreamer, idealistic, and a deep thinker, and you rely on faith rather than logic to deal with the life and all it has to offer.

The challenge for Elevens is to not be overwhelmed by their gifts. Fears and phobias would be the downside of this number. They may also seem at times indecisive, impractical, nervous, and moody.

The number 11 life path is concerned with spiritual illumination. Often a number 11 will have an instinctive understanding of metaphysical matters. Because Elevens are also twos, , they have the strength to finish what they start. 11 is also a good number for forming partnerships … you work and play well with others. You are likely to marry young and be committed and faithful for your entire life.

Below are some key points you might want to take into consideration to help you on your path …

An 11 may appear to lead a life of extremes. It is really a search for balance in all areas of life. 11s are avant-garde and visionary individuals who make great students, psychics, mystics, healers, teachers, writers, musicians and artists.

You probably like habit and routine, it gives you a foundation from which you can explore. You might not be a leader, but you are a visionary and a very talented idea person. Your ability to quickly and accurately analyze a situation is a real strength in the business world. You are a perfectionist, but you usually measure up.

An unhappy 11 will find themselves always dreaming of big schemes, but never taking practical action to pursue those goals. This means the 11 is stuck in the "visionary" stage of enlightenment, and probably needs to address fear issues.

An 11/2 can be your own worst enemy. You're driven to perfection, but sometimes that just means you're on a carousel that won't stop. Learn to call it a day and don't get caught in self-blame.

Coming Clean

I believe in God,

the Father almighty,

Creator of heaven and earth,

and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

born of the Virgin Mary,

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, died and was buried;

he descended into hell;

on the third day he rose again from the dead;

he ascended into heaven,

and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty;

from there he will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy catholic Church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and life everlasting.

I was taught that.  I can recite that.  It brings me comfort and warmth.   I believe it in my heart of hearts. I can give you the Lord's Prayer too, if you'd like but, you'll think what you want and I'll know what I know.  I need to discuss something...I'm really tired of being afraid.  I'm really tired of judgement and perception, opinion and holding back so, at the risk of losing everything, I'm coming clean.

I believe in God.  I believe in miracles.  I believe that God puts people here on Earth to do his work.  I believe in Angels.  I believe in God's Kingdom.  And I believe that God speaks to me in a voice I can hear.  I also believe he speaks to you.  I believe you can hear him just like I do, if you want to listen.

I've been working a lot these last few years on listening.  You know that little voice that says, "Go back for your cup of coffee." and you ignore it, thinking it's just coffee so you don't go back.  Then a few miles down the road and the guy driving behind you is talking on his phone, doesn't see you slowing to turn left and he hits you from behind.  If you would have went back for coffee...you would't have been there for him to hit.  It's those type things I'm learning to listen to.

I hear voices.  I have for a long time.  Sometimes with those voices, I'd smell something - like cologne or one super special visitor I have - he smells like gun oil and he's my favorite.  But these voices, they tell me things when I'm with people or they explain things to me.  Sometimes they bring me a deep understanding or a knowing.  Say we're together and we're talking about your daughter who is getting married and you're very nervous/anxious about this guy she's chosen, well the more we're talking and I'm listening to you but, this voice says to me "He loves her!  He loves her with all of his heart and his soul.  He would never hurt her.  He will cherish her all of his days!"  Not only do you hear that but, you can feel this all encompassing warmth surround you like a hug from your loving father and you almost start to cry.  How do you know this?  You've never met them.  Those things happen to me all the time.  Sometimes these voices speak out loud to me.  You may not hear them but, they still make me turn and look to find no one there.  They're that real.

I asked this voice one time, "How much time do I have with my mom?" 
The voice responded, "83". 
I asked the voice, "83?  83 what?  83 days?  83 months?  August 3rd?  83 what?".
Again the voice responded "83".
I knew not to ask the voice again for it had changed tone and like a child with their father, I knew my line of questioning was not going to be tolerated any longer.  I'm waiting to see what he meant by "83"

I have a hard time in large groups of people - like concerts, crowded restaurants, oddly - church.  I have a hard time with all of the noise.  For me, it's 200 people trying to talk to me all at once and I can't sort out all of the voices.  I don't know who's trying to talk to whom.  The only thing I leave with is a splitting headache!I'm what is called a sensitive.  I absorb the mood.  If you're sad, I'll be sad.  If you're elated, I'll be elated.  If you're bitter and crabby, I will be too.  I have to be very careful not to absorb and it's very hard.  So I choose to keep my circle a little small.  I've had a very tough time finding a church that is lifting for me.  We have been with our church for some time and I recently realized that when leaving church on Sunday morning, I'd feel totally drained.  It's because I was taking in all of everyone else's burdens.  I need to find a new church family.  I need to start experimenting with that very soon.

I hear voices.  I talk to spirits but, right now I'm more at peace than I've ever been in my entire life.  Call it conscience.  Call me crazy.  Call me a fruitcake.  Call me a nutjob. Chances are - if you feel I have secluded myself from you, it's because I already knew you couldn't accept this from me and you'd rather call me names than to understand me. I'm sorry you feel that way.  I came clean and how you deal with the rest, is up to you. 

Quotes

I love quotes.

I don't normally use them in conversation (do I?) but, I like to share them, I find inspiration in them, they help  to explain how I feel or sometimes they have the words I need when I need them.  I wanted to share some of my favorites.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." — Oscar Wilde

“You get a little moody sometimes but I think that's because you like to read. People that like to read are always a little fucked up.” ― Pat Conroy, The Prince of Tides

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." — Mark Twain 

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." — Abraham Lincoln

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." — C.S. Lewis 

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe 

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears." — John Lennon

"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."  ~C.S. Lewis,

"The things that make me different are the things that make me." — A.A. Milne

"He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else." — Benjamin Franklin

"Never make excuses. Your friends don't need them and your foes won't believe them." — John Wooden

"The person who really wants to do something finds a way; the other person finds an excuse. " ~Author Unknown

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.  No apologies or excuses.  No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.  This is the day your life really begins."  ~Bob Moawad

"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me."  ~Author unknown

"The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra."  ~Jimmy Johnson

"Promise only what you can deliver.  Then deliver more than you promise."  ~Author Unknown

"The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle."  ~Author Unknown

“It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.” Oscar Wilde

"When you hold a grudge, you want someone else’s sorrow to reflect your level of hurt but the two rarely meet.” ― Steve Maraboli

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” ― Dr. Seuss

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.” ― Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ― Mark Twain

“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt,

Time

Time is such a strange concept.  I was just thinking about today for example.  Today is my 15 year anniversary of employment.  I was thinking 'Wow! 15 years' --> 'I was completely vested in my company's pension plan when I was only 33' --> '33 that was 5 years ago so much has happened here as a company in 5 years' --> 'all of the issues that have cropped up and resolved in that spans of time.'  --> 'Time.  Wow.  It's quite a concept.  I should blog about time.'

I think back to the times in life where I had the opportunity to grow or to change and at that time this 'thing' was so major, such a large part of my life but, now to look back on that time or that growth and in this light, it really wasn't much of a big of a deal...if I remember it at all!

I look at my Jacob, about to turn 6.  The time before his birthday is always a giant reflection for me.  I remember like it was yesterday, the excitement of getting our child, all of the preparations we were absorbed in, and our close relationship with our lawyer (that doesn't quite fit into a birthplan, does it?).  Trying to have everything finished in time.  We spent part of Thanksgiving with his biological family that year...and I think of what time has done to that relationship.  I think about Jaocb as a little tiny baby and how much he's grown and changed since then.  I remember reading book after book after book to him, and now he's reading to me.

I think about my parents.  My dad, 12 years gone now and my mom stuck in a time long since gone.  My sisters, my brother - I won't share their ages with you but, I do think ahead to the time when I'll be an orphan and/or an only child.  I want to enjoy the time I have with my family (I'm not saying that I don't now).  I'm saying, no matter the family, isn't there always room for improvement?

We've celebrated quite a few 'years', this year.  40, 38, 15, 10, 9, 6, 5, and only one (Jeremy, Me, a work milestone, years together, years married, Jacob's birthday, Gotcha Day, having Kelsey, and Kelsey's first birthday).  The time between our years seems to get shorter and shorter with more, and less 'firsts'.  It's hard to keep track of the things that are most important when there are so many things that I don't want to lose.

This is the beginning of a new day.
God has given me this day to use as I will.
I can waste it or use it for good.
What I do today is important, because
I am exchanging a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes,
this day will be gone forever,
leaving in its place something
that I have traded for it.
I want it to be gain, not loss;
good not evil; success not failure;
in order that I shall not regret
the price I paid for it.  ~Author Unknown

$36.82

I've raved about the prices at Aldi I don't know how many times and I'm sorry but, I can't help it.  I have to rave again.

I ran in tonight only to pick up my Thanksgiving turkey but, it's never that simple.  I always need more.

I picked up:

a little over 19 lb Butterball brand turkey
1 gallon of milk
4 boxes of turkey stuffing (because I haven't found a recipe for stuffing yet that I like)
2 bags of frozen green beans
1 large bag of round tortilla chips
1 loaf of whole grain white bread
1 large can of French fried onions
1 jar of peanut butter (16 oz)
1- 12 oz block of Colby cheese

All or the amazing price of $36.82!

Perfect...?

My sister sent this to me today.  It rings true for me...most days... and it is certainly something that I need to remember everyday.  I thought I'd share it here because as hectic and crazy as life does get we all can use a reminder now and then to appreciate what we do have rather than looking at what everyone else has and thinking we need that too. 

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and

the two of you will never be perfect.

 But if he can make you laugh at least

once, causes you to think twice, and if

he admits to being human and making

mistakes, hold onto him and give him

the most you can. He isn’t going to

quote poetry, he’s not thinking about

you every moment, but he will give you

a part of him that he knows you

could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t

change him, and don’t expect for more than

he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when

he makes you happy, yell when he

makes you mad, and miss him when

he’s not there. Love hard when there is

love to be had. Because perfect guys

don’t exist, but there’s always one guy

that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley



Parent/Teacher Conferences

We had conferences last week.  I brought home Jacob's very first report card!

Jacob got an excellent report.  He's doing VERY well in school.  He knows all of his letters uppercase and lowercase.  He gets a little stuck on the sounders - those vowels are tricky!  He's counting to 100.  And his coloring is within the lines.  All the things a mom could ask for!

Jacob gets along very well with all of his classmates.  He's a very good helper.  He listens and follows directions but, sometimes has a tough time coming in from recess.

Tonight, after supper, he read a book to me.  My little kindergartener can read!  I was such a proud mom.

Sometimes, I think all of the trials he puts me through are simply the result of 7 hours in school where he has to be so good for so long.  I guess, if he's going to be bullheaded and belligerant, I'd rather he be that way at home!

Especially when he can read to me!  :)

Take 5

Let me first say that I do realize that I missed 2 days here and well, I have 3 posts in my head and if I'm willing to sit down here and post 3 in a row then well...I believe I should be forgiven for not sitting down to write over the weekend.

Back to my story.

Saturday, Jacob and I had a date with his biological grandparents for lunch.  As we were getting ready to go, I got into a texting conversation with Jeremy's sister and before we left, we had a birthday party to attend that afternoon.  I shuffled my schedule a bit - no big deal.

On the way to lunch, I decided that I needed coffee!  I mean NEEDED (you'll understand come the next post).  I know there is a Biggby Coffee on the way and I planned to stop there but, I was so lost in my thoughts that I had forgotten coffee until Jacob says "Mom?  You missed the coffee."  and I said "Shit!".  I tried to take the next left and go in the back but, traffic wouldn't allow it - why the hell was there so much traffic?  I couldn't make the turn so, McDonald's it is!

If you haven't tried it, McDonald's has a WONDERFUL version of Peppermint Mocha!

We go down the road a little further and I turn into McDonald's...and the line for the drive-thru is wrapped around the whole building.  And that's with the new two line system!  Yeah, no coffee for me.

I'm out of time and places to stop.  We head over to Grandma & Grandpa's new house, sans the coffee.  I figured I'd stop at the next McDonald's on the way to Grandma Great's (Jeremy's Grandma) before the party.  No problem.

We're heading to Grandma-Great's and we pull off the freeway to McDonald's on the next exit and there are orange cones in the drive thru lane and a sign on the order box "Closed this weekend due to equipment maintenance."  Are You Shitting ME!?! That's 3!

So, I said to myself, "Self.  There is another McDonald's on Grandma's corner.  Try that."  We get into the drive-thru and there are cars behind us so I can't get out.  Guess What!?!  I see a sign on the drive-thru menu "We apologize our McCafe Specialty beverage machine is under maintenance."  I order soft drinks for Jacob and I when Jeremy calls.  I explain the whole mess to my laughing husband who says, "Just go to Starbucks, it's right next door.  You deserve it."  to which I responded, "I'm already on the way and I'm getting me one of them BIG summinabitches too!"  which thankfully we did as in all my haste at the last decaffeinated McDonald's, I didn't get straws for our sodas.

But, damn!  That was one delicious giant coffee!  And I savored every last drop!

Veteran's Day: 2011

The Soldier

It is the soldier, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the soldier, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,
who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.

It is the soldier, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the soldier,
who salutes the flag,
who serves under the flag,
and whose coffin is draped by the flag,
who allows the protester to burn the flag.

By Charles M. Province, copyright 1970, 2010

November 10, 1975

I was a little more than two years old then but, having grown up in Northern Michigan in a lakeside town, the story of the Edmund Fitzgerald is not something we will ever forget.

She was built in River Rouge over by Detroit.  She had hauled taconite pellets from near Duluth, MN back to Detroit for 17 years setting numerous records.  On this night, she was doing just the same when she was caught in the storm - the worst storm in 3 decades, they say.  She was mighty and we were so proud.  In her time, at 729 feet she was the longest freighter on the Great Lakes.  The sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald is one of the best-known disasters in the history of Great Lakes shipping.

It's fitting now, that I'm sitting here thinking about the "Mighty Fitz" as it's snowing here to beat all heck!  It was snowing so hard on my way home from work that I could barely see.  Could you imagine being out in icy Lake Superior on such a snowy night - with the wind and the waves and no hope of safely making it to land?  Or even the shelter of Whitefish Bay?

Yet 29 men, 29 souls braved that November storm to do their jobs.  And 29 men lost their lives when "The Pride of the American Flag" slipped into the icy blue water.  36 years in their watery graves.  Their bodies were never recovered.  Though the legend is full of theories, no one truly knows what happened to bring her down.

I had the chance to visit Whitefish Point to the Great Lakes Shipwreck Museum a few years ago.  They have a lifeboat from the Fitz and that boat - it's dented and beat.  It's difficult to comprehend that the water caused such damage to that metal boat.  I remember standing on the deck there looking out over the water and thinking of that beautiful ship, and the night she and her 29 men came to lay in their icy grave.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
in the "Maritime Sailors' Cathedral."
The church bell chimed 'til it rang twenty-nine times
for each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.
The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
of the big lake they call "Gitche Gumee."
"Superior," they said, "never gives up her dead
when the gales of November come early!" ~  Gordon Lightfoot

Going Primitive...

For Christmas that is.  I decided today that I'm going to re-vamp my Christmas decorations.   Which means, my husband is going to want to kill me but, hey...is that anything new!?!

It all started with the wreath I posted a few days ago.  I started thinking about my Christmas stockings and then my ornaments - well some of them, and the rest of the stuff I have.  And well...I'm pushing 40 here - shouldn't I have my own Christmas decorations that I love instead of cast-offs from my mother?

I have a bunch of ornaments that I do LOVE!  They're homemade gifts from my niece and nephew (Karen) and they fit PERFECTLY with the direction I want to go.  My sisters seemed to know way back when, in giving me these, what I was going to like one day!  I also have a collection from my sister, Gloria that are very natural or nature themed.  Thankfully, they will fit right in.

But, the best are a box of old 1940's/1950's Mercury Glass ornaments that belonged to my parents.  Those will look so pretty with my home made ornaments and just the right touch of "store bought".  I'm thinking of ornaments made from thread spools and tea cloths.  And buttons!  With simple things like stars and hearts and popcorn strings, painted things that just look old.  Sadly, it means changing to white lights but, I think it'd be OK.

Jeremy - it won't be that expensive.  I could make most of what I need.  I can sew.  I could sew new stockings for us.  I could sew a new tree skirt.  Luckily, we're in Craft Fair Season and I can get some ideas too.  As for my old Christmas stuff - we can write that off when we donate it with the Halloween stuff I just purged.  Okay?

I can't wait to sort out what I have and bring in the new pulled together theme.  I can't wait to share the progress with you!  And yes, I'll post plenty of pictures.

The last supper...

I was out of my original material today and out of things to share so I'm opting for a prompt today.

If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal, what would you want it to be?

At first I thought of my local favorite - The Grill House a grill your own steakhouse where I typically choose to go for my birthday or our anniversary because I'm such a creature of habit.  I know what I like there and I know I'll like it every time.  Jeremy and I typically split a steak and we enjoy each other's company while hanging out in the grill room over drinks and garlic toast while he grills our steak to a perfect medium rare. They serve a salad - and it's wonderful!  I love the vinaigrette they use.  You also get a baked potato with cheese, butter, sour cream and fresh chives (it's a help yourself type deal so you can really heap the toppings on and I LOVE fresh chives!) as well as a delicious bowl of  BBQ baked beans.

The more I thought of it, the more I realized I don't want my last meal to be a boring old steak.

Here in Allegan, we also have a little drive up - place your order - eat in the car - type restaurant called Corky's.  They're only open April - October and they have the best burgers and chili fries that I wait for all winter long.  They also have home made root beer.  Yep, that's it...that's what I'd want.  A cheeseburger with ketchup and relish with an order of chili cheese fries.  I love how the grease from the burger turns the wax paper translucent and it's all soaked into the bun.

And on the way home, we'd have to stop at Bubba's Sports Bar and get an order of deep fried pickles.  Garlic-y pickle spears dipped in a spicy batter, deep fried to a perfect golden with homemade buttermilk ranch to dip them in!  YUM!

That'd do it.  I'd die happy - or at least my stomach would!

A little hint...

Hey Santa? 

It's a Rag Wreath. Isn't it beautiful?  Made with high quality homespun fabrics.

You can find them at the Rag Wreath Boutique on Etsy.  She has so many beautiful designs for the Holidays and everyday.  I'd like to hang one over my fireplace for Christmas.  I just need to choose the size and color.

Footprints in the Sand

You may know this, you may not.  Footprints in the Sand has always been my favorite story or legend, I guess you could call it.  Since I was a child always.  I believed in it like any child would believe in their father, because I believe any father would (or at least try to) carry their child through the toughest times of their lives.  Kind of a funny belief coming from the child of a father with MS.  I mean my earthy father couldn't carry me very well so, I trusted my Heavenly Father to that task...I guess parochial school did its job!

For as long as I can remember, I've had a father/child relationship with my Lord.  I spoke to him freely as a best friend rather than a powerful being.  I took this verse to heart  - 

Luke 18:16-17

Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them; and when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to him, saying, "Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it."

Sure, I grew up, became an opinionated adult and I've been angry with my Lord and I mean ANGRY!  Just like I've had other disagreements in my life, I've had them with the Lord and I've told him exactly what I thought of Him and his little plan for me too.  And eventually, like a daughter does with her Father, I took a little time away and I saw the Light...that my Father was right.  He'd always been right.  I just wasn't trusting in Him.

You may have seen it, maybe not but, I wear this cross pendant everyday. I rarely take it off.

What you may not know is that I don't wear it for the status. I'm not a perfect Christian - in fact I'm far from it.  I certainly make my share of mistakes - I swear like a sailor, I'm often selfish and spoiled and well...we won't go into that laundry list.  I don't wear it so you'll think I'm religious.  I don't wear it because it was a gift from my husband. I don't wear it to show the world my faith.  I wear it to remind ME of my faith.  To remind ME that even when my life isn't what I want it to be, my life where my Father is leading ME and even when I feel I'm walking my road alone, my Father is carrying ME safely to where I need to be.  To remind ME that I do have a Father that loves and cares for ME and that he is really the one who is in control of this show.  Not ME.

2 Saturdays in October

We cheated this year and bought our apples rather than pick them.  Time just got away from us and finding time to get to the actual orchard to do it ourselves was out of the question.  On the left are Nothern Spies for baking and the right are Honeycrisps for eating.  I bought them at the Farmer's Market, the next best thing to straight from the orchard.

And some Acorn Squash.

Freshly baked apple crisp.

We also had some friends invite us out for a hayride/bonfire.  Jacob's FIRST hayride! They did pinatas and had hot apple cider. After the 3rd time around and I could see my breath - that was enough hayride.  What a great time we had! 

Reflections in the leaves

I love fall.  I love the cooler temps, sweatshirts, sweaters, falling leaves, the crispness in the air.  I love the color in the trees, the warmth of candles, and the perfect excuse to eat pumpkin pie every chance I get!

With all of these things that I love at this time of year, I can't help but think of the memories of loss as well as the chances I've had to create new beginnings. I guess that is why fall is so important to me - remembering my losses and the opportunities I've been given, and what I've learned from both the losses and my successes.  The thing that make each of us who we are.

I just finished reading Mitch Albom's Have a Little Faith (which was a great book) and in it, was a poem or a quote by Robert Browning Hamilton ~

"I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chatted all the way,
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er word said she
But, oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me!"

Sure we remember the fun times we've had and the joy in them but, think for a minute about the tough things you've been through and what you learned from them.  Had I not buried my sister (her funeral was November 1). I wouldn't understand how important it is to tell someone how you feel about them at every opportunity because you might never see them again.

Had my Dad not suffered with Multiple Sclerosis all of my life and most of his, I might not have learned compassion for others and to do the things you love to do while you can because they can be stolen from you  - no matter how healthy you are.

Had I been able to bear a biological child, I would have missed the opportunity to have the sweetest, most adorable son on the planet.  And it terrifies me to think of the life he could have had without me.

Had I had the ideal parent, I might not have learned to love and appreciate every. single. moment. with my child.  I wouldn't have learned to take the time to appreciate the joy in my child when we do things together.

Had my parents not divorced when I was so young I might not have learned what it takes to make my marriage as happy and as solid as it is.

Had I not wasted 6 years in an awful relationship, I wouldn't have learned what I wanted the relationship with my life partner to be like...

"I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er word said she
But, oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me!"

Beware: A Viking bearing Brussels Sprouts

I was in the Farmer's Market one afternoon when I saw this funky looking stick thing and I thought to myself "Self?  What is that?" Upon closer inspection, I realized they were Brussels Sprouts - on a stick!

And yes, the correct term is Brussels Sprouts named for the city in Belgium.  I'm not sure if they're grown on a stick and I don't care because I don't like the word stalk.

Why my child wanted his picture taken with the Brussels Sprouts is beyond me...that said, so is the Viking Helmet.

Take just one more...

Did you know they grew on a stick like this?  Me neither.

Oh right, you probably don't like Brussels Sprouts.  Jacob doesn't either.  But, I do - except for these.  This stick (well not the stick itself, I know better that to eat that - I meant the sprouts ON the stick) wasn't very good - terribly bitter.  I'm told they didn't get enough water.  But, everything is better with Bacon!  I'll try that recipe again someday - with frozen Brussels sprouts.

NaBloPoMo...

is the abbreviation for National Blog Posting Month which just so happens to be in November.  And though I have known about NaBloPoMo for a few years, this is the first time I will actually participate in the festivities.  Yay!

The theme is blogging for blogging's sake.  I'll use some of my own stuff and BlogHer.com will also be providing daily prompts which I'm sure I'll take advantage of especially when I get bored of posting about things I've cooked, pictures of my adorable kid and other senseless drivel.

I have opened the site to allow comments - you do not need to register on my site.  But, please if you are deeply moved enough to comment, leave your name so I'll know who you are!  You may also subscribe by email and the little pointy eared elves behind the scenes at blogger will send my lovely postings to your email every night while you sleep snugly in your warm beds.

So find a comfy seat, a nice warm cup of coffee, tea, cocoa, or whatever your pleasure and we'll see you here every day, for the next 30 days.

Happy Halloween 2011!

Jeremy dressed as Dr. Howie Feldersnatch and the other guy is Kyle, one of Jeremy's employees that dressed up as Jeremy for Halloween.  He even shaved his head!  By the way, Kyle won "The Best Costume"

We also helped out at Jacob's school for Halloween again this year.  Aren't these spider hats the cutest!?!

Daddy dressed up as Mark McGwire for the school party.

And they painted T-shirts at the party.

And had a snack...

After school, we took the cutest Sheriff's Deputy in history to see the Allegan County Sheriff.  Jacob is in Sheriff Koops office.  The hat he's wearing was on the shelf there...see the ballcap?  That was Jacob's hat - he traded!  Sheriff Koops wasn't in the office today but, we had some friends that were so happy to see JJ.

We got to see the dog.

Had a little meeting with the Sergeant, the Lieutenant, and the K-9 Handler.

Tried on another hat...

Kicked back and took a little "snooze" at the Undersheriff's desk...

Caught up on a couple of emails...

All in all...it was a good time!

A HUGE thank you to the Allegan County Sheriff's Department for their hospitality and Allegan City Police for all of their help in putting this costume together.  Happy Halloween!

Carving Pumpkins: 2011

Home

I recently was given my 15 year service award at work.  Technically, it's not until November 20 but, they celebrate every one's milestones all at once.  They had a luncheon (which I missed) and I was given a catalog to choose a gift in recognition for my service.  I couldn't help but think of what led me here, 15 years ago.  The job I lost, the bills I had, the changes I desperately needed to make.

I remember my first day here - oh what a mess!  I was 23 years old.  I was told to report but, not where TO report.  The building was like the size of 2 pro football stadiums joined together at a corner.  Thankfully, my brother (10 years seniority at that point) was able to help me to get to where I needed to be and he knew my new teamleader.  When I first started here, I worked on the assembly line that made the interior of the Dodge Viper.  I worked on that line for 90 days - most of the time being transferred to help another team - and on my 90th day, I was given a pee test and a permanent transfer to the door panel line for the Jeep Grand Cherokee.  I worked my butt off over there!  I worked overtime,  I stayed late, I worked holidays - I just worked.  I was a production trainer - training new people as they came on our line - and I loved it!  I did that for two years eventually even taking on a small quality control role for model year change over.  When I started my job at Viper, I had 5 years experience in Electronics assembly and eventually, the Electronics Department here found out about that and I was offered a job as a stockroom clerk.  I took it.  It was a transfer out of the plant.  And from 2nd shift to the day shift.  I was handed the reins and allowed to make my job into what it is today.  I think back to those days when I was using someone else's credit card with a $10,000/month limit - to now where I have my own $50,000/month limit and I spend (with purchase orders INcluded) an average of $1.6M (that's MILLION folks) every month! 

It's easy to see how far I've come in 15 years though harder to think about where I came from.

I think about what I left behind.  Sometimes, I miss what was home.  I miss the smell of PCA on a fall morning.  I miss the low drone of the fog horn.  I miss the smell of Lake Michigan - and the wet sand.  I miss the cidery sweetness of the apple orchards in the fall and the dust from harvesting corn. 

I miss watching the sun dip into Lake Michigan at the end of the day.  I miss the wind in the dune grass bending and swaying in the lake breeze, and the whitecaps breaking on shore.  I miss waiting for the big ships to come through the channel, listening to the deckhands calling to each other while preparing to unload, and the 'dinging' of the bridges as they go up or down.  I miss walks on the pier in both the warm sunshine and the cold wind.

Of course, I also miss Big Al's subs and A&W Coney Dogs with a mug of root beer.  I miss burgers and beers at the "Nortside" on a Sunday afternoon and being forced to watch the Lions on the TV.  I miss the stale cigarette smoke and beer combination in the old bars where I hung out.  Oddly, some of the bartenders are still around...

Yet, when I go home, it's not the same.  The casino has taken over the apple orchards, the condos have the beach.  I always seem to miss the big boats, and the fog horn can barely be heard anymore.  Most of the bars are now closed and the "Nortside" is for sale.  PCA no longer makes the type of paper that caused that stink (once in a while it still seeps out) and I never get a chance to take my time and walk on the pier.

As much as I miss where I came from, I have to go back to where I am.  I've made a good life for myself and my family too - the family that grew here.  I think of the traditions we make here and our own little 'one of a kinds'.  Looking back at just this past year, our Corky's Drive-In, July 3 Jubilee, Vitale's Pizza, 'The Breakfast Stop', our library that rarely asks for my name anymore.  The relationship we've built with our Police and Fire Departments.  Free Matinees at The Regent Theater all summer.  Our neighbors and the friends we've made in the community.  I didn't realize it before but, we do have so much here.

When I left "home", I never thought I'd find those little comforts again.  They couldn't be anywhere else!  I always looked at everything as temporary.  I wasn't going to put in roots.  And it just happened....Jeremy and I were talking about this not too long ago - We may have come from cities that are 4 hours apart but, here we are 10 years in our house and Allegan finally feels like home.  It's good to be home.

Jacob - Kindergarten 2011/2012

Jacob's school picture from Kindergarten this year.  He managed to smile and hide the fact that he's missing his bottom 2 front teeth!

I will be mailing them out to our family and friends very soon!

And Halloween is coming soon, soon, soon!  You're not going to BELIEVE this costume.

We are taking guesses as to what Jacob will be this year.  If you'd like to take a guess, please post in the comments section.  Of course, there will be a prize!

Coupons

So, I had this dream.  Not a dream while I was sleeping but, maybe call it a daydream, I guess.

I'm sure by now you've heard of TLC's show Extreme Couponing and how these people take home nearly $1000 worth of groceries for little or no money.  Wouldn't that be great!?!  To have that ability?  To have a stock pile of stuff that cost you nothing - or next to nothing?  Or to be able to make a HUGE donation to the local food pantry to help others in need?

I thought so too.  I bought a binder and Jeremy would go out on Sunday morning to get the papers (2) for me to cut the coupons.  I'd spend an hour cutting coupons, then watch the sales and try to match up.  And I got a few deals, learned a little bit.  Mostly I learned that I was spending more money by using the damn coupons on things I wouldn't normally buy!

In Michigan - none of the grocery stores double coupon.  Once in a while, maybe but, never consistently.  Nor do we have stores that offer a discount card (at least not in my area).  Which I'm not sure I understand...Michigan has been hardest hit by this mess of an economy - would that help the people in Michigan or hurt us more.

In the past, I have done most of my grocery shopping at Aldi.  Aldi distributes under their own brand where I can buy a gallon of milk for $2.39, a box of cereal for $1.79, and $5.29 for a can of coffee (not the little can).  Milk in my regular store - I've never seen it lower than $2.50.  Even the store brand of cereal is more than $1.99/box.  And coffee - at LEAST $8 for the same size can.  Even with a coupon for coffee- which rarely exists, I couldn't compete with Aldi.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I have gotten some pretty good deals with coupons.  For example, laundry detergent - $6.99 and buy one get one free.  Good deal, right?  I happened to have a coupon for $1 off of 2.  I walked out with 2 bottles for $5.99.  Better yet - a detergent on clearance from $8.99 to $4.99 and I had 2 - $1 off coupons.  I got each bottle for $3.99.  Now - question is, did I need laundry detergent (let alone 4 bottles)?  No.  Not really.  But, I got a good deal.

I had a similar thing happen with deli sliced cheese.  On sale 2/$5.  I had a coupon for $1 off of each.  I got those cheeses for $1.50 a piece.  (Did you know that you can use 2 coupons because you're buying 2 items?).  Again, did I need cheese?  Nope.  But again, I got a good deal.

See what I mean.  I spent almost $20 on things that I didn't really need.  And that's not including the price of the newspaper.  Yet, I did have them later rather than spending more to buy them in the future.  Am I really saving any money? 

I found I was spending my $120 budget at Aldi and then spending another at least $50 at the big store using coupons.

I did find that purchasing the name brand items, even using coupons was costing me more money over the store brand, over the Aldi brand.  I've given up the coupon game.  I've gone back to Aldi for my shopping.  Only using the big store to fill in the gaps.  I'm back to my $120/per 2 weeks budget.  And I'm saving my hour on Sunday to play Go Fish.  I like having more time for that!  See ya coupons!

Rest in Peace Steve Jobs

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ~ Steve Jobs

I had no interest in Steve Jobs yesterday when I saw the news he had passed.  Matter of fact, I said to myself when I saw it on my homepage, "Who is that?".

His quote above came to me in an email from Echo Bodine - the psychic/intuitive that I'm seeing this weekend.  I actually smiled when I saw this quote because it is EXACTLY what I was saying in my post yesterday.  I'm tired of wasting my time doing what others think I should - or not doing what others think I shouldn't.  Because they think it's wrong, it's the devil's work, Satan's song, a gypsy craft or whatever.  I can't continue to let those opinions drown out what I know, what I hear, and what I see (though I don't typically see - I more hear or feel).  I have to follow my heart.  I have to follow what I know I want to do and who I want to be.  I wonder why that message came to me yesterday...and now I wonder what time Steve Jobs passed away...

Shitballs!

It just seemed like an appropriate title for everything that is going on in my life right now.  I've been kinda quiet here, sharing mostly photos of the good times, places we've gone and things we've done.  Not to impress or to show off but, for myself.  This is where I document my life and the things in it.  It's been awhile since I've done a 'what are we up to' post.  And it's time.

Jacob is liking Kindergarten.  Just this week he's allowed me to drop him at the door to walk in by himself.  He let Dad do this last week.  But today, he got upset and chased the car as I pulled away so I had to stop and go back.  (Normally, I do wait for him to go in but, he was walking with a kid from day-care to the door and he was going in - then turned and ran back.  They have a teacher or Aide out there that caught him plus I did see what happened and stopped.)  Kindergarten (especially all day Kindergarten) is tough on little boys and they have to be so good for so long and we're struggling with being good at home.  We've worked hard to get to bed by 8/8:30, which is tough when mom gets home at 6, when we have homework (a book sent home to read 3 nights a week) and getting more sleep is helping some with the attitude.  He's had a hard time making decisions and sticking to them.  "I don't want to play in the sand!" and when it's time to go, "But, I WANTED to PLAY in the sand!".  He's picked up some odd jobs around the house, such as folding wash clothes, throwing the clothes into the washer or dryer,  putting away the Tupperware, and last week he used his "big boy muscles" to help me bring in the groceries.  He is doing well in school.  He got 26/26 of his capital letter and lowercase letter recognition.  And 22/26 on the sounders (missing I, E, U, and Y).  He loves to play Alphabet Go Fish and I guess we need to play a few more games using the sounders rather than the letters!  Jacob is very into animals right now sleeping with like 5 or 6 every night.  Since the circus, tigers have been his favorite.  His Sensory Processing Disorder seems to come and go but, has mostly shown in his moods.  Quick to cry or get upset - or simply shut down.  We've had a lot of changes this summer into fall but, all in all, he's a bright and beautiful boy who loves his police and firefighters.  He's quick to smile and so easy to love!

Jeremy is still with the restaurant and facing his own challenges in an economy that has totally kicked our area in the ass.  How do you get people into a restaurant to spend money that they don't want to spend?  Think about your finances - you used to go for dinner, get an appetizer, a couple drinks, the entree and a dessert - even if to share.  Now, you go for dinner, skip the appetizer, get one drink each and forget the dessert.  Right?  So what can a restaurant do for you to go back to they way it was? What makes you willing to spend a little more?  Exactly!  Sadly, his schedule, Jacob and my job don't allow him much free time for himself - yet he'd likely use it to catch up on his sleep.

His Cardinals head into game 4 of the playoffs tonight and we could have another series ahead of us.  Baseball in October is the best!  

Soon he'll start with storm windows, raking leaves, and getting the old house ready for winter.

As for Me, I of course spend the majority of my time running around as if my hair were on fire!  I'm back to work full-time, gave up the dream of having my own soap making business and that's okay.  I'll still make soap for our own use (I can make the scent I want, it lasts longer, and costs less) and of course, I will fill orders by request.   I guess my heart just isn't into it as much.  I'm still selling on eBay. I've been reading a lot of books both for myself and as part of Jacob's homework.  I left another 'bookclub' this summer - I'm just not good at those things.  I'm learning about following my heart, listening to my intuition and I'm taking as many courses in this area as I can.  Matter of fact, I have a big seminar/workshop this weekend with Echo Bodine and I am very excited for this opportunity.  I'm a little tired of hiding my interests/knowledge in the psychic/intuitive world.  And now it's known - I'm studying/practicing to be a psychic/medium/intuitive.  I've been reading/honing my craft for over a year now.  It's something I have wanted to do for a long, long, time and the opportunity has presented itself and keeps presenting itself.  It will take me a long time to get there but, following your heart is rarely a quick trip.   And I no longer have piercing blackout headaches which is a bonus!   I'm working toward enjoying myself more, my family more, my friends more, softening my heart, and learning to lower some of my expectations in people and to forgive easier.  I will have 15 years in at my job this fall (November 17) and I am constantly reminded how blessed I am to have not only a job but, a job that has allowed me to work part-time when my family (and my sanity) needed me, to flip the switch back to full-time when I was ready, where I can leave early for day-care emergencies or appointments AND I am allowed to work from home if need be.  15 years - it's a long time and no, I don't plan to leave.  I love it too much.  I report to a new boss this summer after over 10 years with the other.  Change, though different is always good.

And Kelsey, I couldn't forget my pain-in-the-ass-beautiful-brown-dog!  She's about a year and a half.  She's still quite a puppy.  She's a 70 lb. shithead that thinks she's a 10 lb. cat and can lay up on the back of my couch!  She likes to run away every chance she gets and we've spent many an afternoon chasing her through the neighborhood with a bag of pig ears.  She loves to sit between me and the counter when I'm cooking hoping for something to fall - she knows how it works.  And she keeps me company lying on the landing when I'm doing laundry with a big wet smooch when I come her way.  We've battled a nasty case of flea allergy dermatitis this summer and watched as most of my beautiful chocolate lab lost most of her hair.  We've since switched flea treatments and it's growing back.  She's also on a regimen of fish oil (to help keep her joints and her coat healthy) and allergy pills (for the flea allergy).  We're still working on 'get down' but, she's pretty good at staying on the front porch.  Though there is nothing better than sharing your bed with a snoring brown dog or having one lie on your cold toes on a fall afternoon!  For all the hair or lack thereof, the dead grass, the pills, the vet bill, and the bones that I step on all over the house, I can't imagine a day without her.

Whew!  This is the time of year that I love.  Fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Jacob's birthday, Christmas and my paid holiday (another reason I love my job).  It brings with it a whole new dimension of chaos but, it's so warm, and oddly, so calming for me.  I love the wind down from summer to ease into winter and the things we enjoy in between.  I guess everyone has their case of 'shitballs' every now and again and it's all a matter of what is coming on the other side (and I don't mean as in passing away to the other side) to greet you as to how you get through it.  There's so much more to share and I'm looking forward to it.

Supercross Races at the fair - 2011

As I mentioned, we're still in our fair week frenzy - though this post is the last!  Jeremy's boss won tickets to the Supercross races at the fair but, he wasn't able to go and gave the tickets to Jeremy and Jacob.  There were 2 tickets so, I dropped them off and had a couple of hours of alone time - Thank you, Jason!

I think he enjoyed himself.

And of course, no visit anywhere is quite the same without a fire department involved somehow.  Jacob and Bruce (our chief) are going through the storage cabinets on the Fire Engine.  Yes, Jacob does know what is in each cabinet on which truck.

Remember in my post about the fair parade, when I talked about our firefighters and their concern for Jacob at the parade?  Everyone of the firefighters on duty the night of the supercross, came up to Jeremy or asked Jeremy what was wrong with Jacob at the parade.  The knew something was wrong but didn't know what and each expressed concern for their little admirer.  I was moved to tears.  I try to curb the siren obsession as much as I can.  I don't want Jacob to be a bother, or a pest, or least of all in the way.  These guys are always so kind - "No, no, you're fine".  Yet to know they were watching for him during the parade, they knew something was wrong and they expressed such genuine caring (when I always feel like a pest) - it melted my heart.  I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.  :)

A little bit of the Circus - 2011

It's taking me forever to get all of these up here - sheesh!  When I tell you that our overnight in Sturgis, the Fair Parade, the fair, this post, and the next post were all in the same week (actually with the exception of Sturgis, consecutive nights)...you'll understand.  I hope.

Thursday night, a friend of mine from back home and her son came to Allegan County Fair to see Jason Aldean which worked perfectly as we had tickets to the Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus!  I had tried to take Jacob to the circus last year and it didn't work out.  I was concerned when Jeannie said she was coming because I had these tickets (Jacob didn't know) and I wasn't sure how we'd work it out.  Thankfully, both events were on the same night.  Here are some highlights:

"When's it gonna start?"

The clowns.

The opening routine.

One of Jacob's favorites - the tigers!

Daddy's favorite.

And Jacob enjoyed the show so much, that he pooped out on the way home!