Dear Abby - on the loss of a child

I read Dear Abby every day.  Sometimes I smile because I relate.  Sometimes I don't finish the article because I can't believe how ignorant some people can be.  Sometimes I save and article for future reference (intending to blog my thoughts or share a laugh with you later).  Today's article hit me like a ton of bricks.

You can believe what you believe but, I believe that unborn children are still children.  I believe the loss of an unborn child hurts just as much or maybe more.  As a mom who has experienced countless losses, with friends who have experienced countless losses, this really hit home for me.   In the 5 years since Jacob came to us, in the years since we quit actively trying to conceive, I haven't forgotten what it feels like to lose a child - to lose hope, to lose my dream, to lose my faith, to lose out on those sweet little souls - part me/part Jeremy, that I never had the chance to meet...

I thank God everyday for my beautiful son.  Maybe not as much as I should on the days when he's being a typical 5 year old boy but, it's taken a long time to heal my hurts.  It's taken me a very long time to accept that my purpose in this life was to be Jacob's mom.  I wasn't meant to carry a child.  I was meant to love this child.  And I do.  I do with all that I am and all that I have. 

PARENTS WHO LOST A DAUGHTER ARE NOW IN A DIFFERENT PLACE

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful 20-year-old daughter was killed in a car accident. I am writing this not only for myself, but for all parents who have lost a child, and to all of the wonderful people who asked, "What can I do for you?" At the time there wasn't much anyone could do to help, but after two years I have an answer: Accept me for who I am now. When Rachel came into my life, it changed me profoundly. Losing her did the same. Her father and I work hard to honor her memory, but we will never "get over it" to the degree of being who we were before. I am different now. In some ways -- I think -- better. I am kinder, more patient, more appreciative of small things, but I am not as outgoing nor as quick to laugh. I know people mean well when they encourage me to get on with my life, but this is my life. My priorities have changed. My expectations of what my future will hold have changed. Please extend to me again the offer of "anything I can do" and, please, accept me as I am now. -- DIFFERENT NOW IN RIVERVIEW, FLA.

DEAR DIFFERENT NOW: Please accept my profound sympathy for the tragic loss of your daughter. I hope that your letter will help anyone who doesn't understand that the death of a child is the most devastating loss parents can suffer and that the experience is life-changing. They may get beyond it, but they never get "over" it. To expect that they would is unrealistic, because it's a wound that may become less visible but never goes away.

Thank you my friends, who have accepted me for who I have become.  I could have never made it this far without you!