The wait is over!

Thank you Lord! I don't think I could have held out for another moment.

This morning, I purchased my long awaited Nikon D60 SLR. We got a really great deal with TONS of extras! I'm so excited!

I did okay with my little point and click as you can see so we'll keep that for quick little snaps here and there but, did you know I always wanted to be a picture taker? Not of people but, of stuff? I could never justify wasting the cost of film on all these pictures of just things cuz, well, I'm cheap. Now that I'm going digital with a big girl camera...watch out Flickr - here I come! Oh yeah, if you hadn't noticed, we're on Flickr too!

Though I will not be receiving any Mother's Day, birthday, or Christmas gifts this year (and neither will Jeremy), I think it was well worth the compromise. I hope Jeremy will too, when he no longer hears me whine "if I only had a Nikon D60 SLR!"

Thanks honey, you're the bestest husband ever! This totally makes up for leaving the door unlocked yesterday when you left for work making me absolutely terrified of serial killers/rapists lurking in our house coming after me and your son in the night so that I couldn't fall asleep til after 1AM. You are now forgiven!

From Manistee

As you can see, we visited ALL of the police stations in Manistee County.

The Manistee County Sheriff car - we were there twice. A deputy turned on lights and the siren in a car the first time. They gave him a little clip on Sheriff star to add to the Allegan County star he already has. The second time, he got to see the "Big Guy" leaving and got lights and another siren.


There was a Manistee City car at the Sheriff's Department.

The Manistee Post of the Michigan State Police. He got a Trooper to turn on the light and go through the whole cycle of sirens.

And a "Big Guy" at the Manistee City Station. He made Aunt Karen and Louie get out of the truck to see this one too. (Look at that SMILE!)

And one of my faves...at the beach with his daddy. Now do you see why I was wishing for that Nikon D60 SLR?!?

"...him a dog!"

Some Jacob tidbits from the weekend:

"Mommy, can I pet her?"
"Honey, Louie is a him. You can pet him."
"No, him a dog."

"Jacob, are you ready to go see Grandma (Edna)?"
"No, she scare me."

"I wike boyoys" For clarification - "boys" are any type of construction worker.

I think we're just weird

We're on vacation this week. Our April vacation means two days at home while Jacob is in day- care, catching up on all the things we can't get done with him at home. One day taking storm windows down and putting screens up, my annual garage sale, our anniversary, and this year, another trip to Manistee.

Jeremy and I don't celebrate birthdays or our anniversary every year. In the summer, we typically buy something big that we've wanted and say "Happy Birthday to us!"

This morning, in our hotel room in Manistee, I go in for my morning pee and while I'm in there, I holler "Hey Jeremy, Happy Anniversary!" He says, "oh yeah, Happy Anniversary!"

We'll head out for our complimentary hotel breakfast soon and Jeremy and Jacob will make their way to the pool for one more 'fwim'. Then we're off to visit Edna. We did spend yesterday at the beach with Aunt Karen and her dog Louie (boy, was I wishing for that Nikon D60 SLR!). Lake Michigan was beautiful and blue! I took a bunch of pictures and I'll post some soon. We go home tonight for the garage sale tomorrow.

7 years we've been married as of today. We're not celebrating with a big dinner and a baby-sitter. We're simply spending some time together enjoying our visit here and quality time with Jay. Maybe it's weird that we don't celebrate but, maybe we just are.

Renewed

Last week, I was attached to my computer waiting for news on a little boy who was fighting to stay in this world and fighting cancer while praying for him and his family. I thought a lot about my family, my son and I was sad. I've been waiting for that sadness to lift.

I always believed that the Lord doesn't take one life without giving another.

Today, I'm attached to my computer waiting for news on a little one making his/her way into this world. I've been thinking of the best day of my life, the best moments of my life. The moment I saw my Jacob's dark haired teeny head come into this world. The moment I saw his sweet little face. The moment I heard his first cry. The moment I told my husband that he was a daddy. And that daddy's face when he saw his son for the first time.

I'm thinking of my friend Kate, who recently joined the Mommy ranks and is about to become an Auntie for the first time. I'm thinking of the day I became Annie Gail. I was in 4th grade when our Matthew David was born! Then came Chris, and Liz, and Jill, and Fi, and Jaz, and Brooke (in that order)...and you know, I remember the day each and every one of them were born. They're great kids and I'm so very proud of them all.

Congratulations Kate (Kira and Justin too) on another new stage in your life! You'll hang onto this day forever. I'm thinking of all of you today. Thanks for reminding me of the best moments.

Services for Harper

As I said earlier, I'd continue to post updates on Harper Gibson as I receive them. I'd been waiting for this one to come. I'm relieved to see they decided to hold a small service. I feel it's important to have something for the family and friends to say good-bye.

In the Arms of the Lord...
Posted 6 minutes ago

Harper Wayne Gibson
December 4, 2006 - April 10, 2009

A memorial service will be held to honor his purpose on Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 at 2p.m.

Forgive me for not sharing just yet...I have a million passionate words...the Lord is in our home and Harper is on our hearts.

Thank you for everything, thank you again, and again, and again.


I've thought a lot of this child in the last few days and the pain that has joined the love in his Momma's heart. Harper's birthday was just a few days before Jacob's. I've thought so much of my own child and how precious his little life is. I've slowed down a little bit and let my dishes wait after Jacob has said "Play wif me?". I've been giving extra kisses and snuggles. I even let him have a cupcake for dinner last night. He informed me, it was "Not bad."

I wondered when we first found out Jacob was coming to us, if my heart would take Jacob in and love him as my son or if I'd always feel reserved and standoffish or scared to love him. I've learned that it doesn't take conception, pregnancy, or childbirth to be a mom, to love a child, to bond with a child. It takes a heart. I may not be able to conceive a child or to carry a child to term but, I have a heart and I most certainly love my child. I love him so much that it pains my very heart. I hope I never have to experience the unimaginable grief of losing my child. As unrealistic as I may be, I hope no one ever does.

I had other posts for this week - I actually had one up before I got the news on Harper's condition. I took it down. I'm okay. I am. I promise. It's very hard to watch a family hurt this way without pulling your own closer - I'm doing that now. Once Harper's services have taken place, and I feel the mourning time is over - not for them (it never will be), but for me, I'll put that post back up. And, we'll get a little lighter around here again.

I do have a message board to post expressions of sympathy to the Gibson family. If you'd like the information, please email me and I'll send it to you. I can also post it for you, if you'd rather.

...um, he's gone...

I'm sad and I'm sorry to have to type this. I got a phone call from Jeannie this morning.

Harper lost (or maybe he won, I'm never sure which) his battle with cancer about 8:00 PM last night.

He'd slept for about 72 hours straight. He woke for about an hour, looked at his Momma and went back to sleep. His breathing just...stopped. I'm thankful he went so peacefully.

Fae said that after Harper passed, she just wanted to be left alone. The families are respecting her wishes. Fae is a strong girl and she's - okay. Jeannie hadn't talked to her and didn't expect to.

There will not be a service, Fae didn't want her son "on display". Harper will be cremated in the near future. I will post the next update I receive.

I do know that Fae's family would thank all of you for your prayers through Harper's illness and I hope you continue to pray for them in the coming weeks. I'm sure they'll need it.

I think of my precious boy taking his nap on the couch in the den. His pink lips, his button nose, and his little hands curled beside him. I look at him and I think of Fae and how heartbroken she is to never see those things in her son again. It takes me back to my infertility roots where I wonder if it is better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all.

Give your kids an extra squeeze, maybe call your mom tonight. Remember how blessed you truly are...

These small hours

An update on Harper that came in this afternoon. These are not my words, they were emailed to me. You'll need a tissue.

these small hours
Posted 1 hour ago

I am writing this update for the Gibson family. As I begin to write this update and look around the room; family surrounds Harper, and he is sleeping in his Momma’s arms. The family is saddened to report that the progression of Harper's cancer has unfortunately become too much for Harper to fight. I have no words to describe what this family will face in the coming hours, days, or weeks. There are decisions that will need to made that will be very difficult and heart wrenching, there will be moments of pure joy for there are times when Harper will open his eyes or say some words (kind or otherwise), there will be tears, there will be laughter, and there will be heartbreak. As I look at Fae and Bryan and Tatum I look at a family that will forever be changed and that will forever be stronger. Each of these amazing individuals will look at back at this experience, this trail in time, and they will each come away will something different – a stronger sense of family, a new found faith, a new way of cherishing each and every day that they are given and also that God will be there for them in the joyous times, the times of sadness, and the times of thankfulness.

One of the many things that is getting this family the minutes, the hours, the days is their faith. Fae has such a faith that knows that she will be OK, Bryan will be OK, and Tatum will be OK but most of all she knows that Jesus will take care of Harper, he will heal him, he will be cancer free and he will be able the play and run and dance with no pain on the streets of gold. This is a hard time for the Gibson family however, even in their darkest moments, even in times when they are angry with God, resentful of the path that he has chosen to take them on, even when they are not willing to look past the next minutes that they will be encountering he cares for them, he feels their pain, their sadness, their heartbreak. God is with us and he is with the Gibson family.

As for a medical update – Harper is currently on a morphine drip, his stomach is swollen and his organs are functioning at a low level, he is sleeping more and more everyday, and the progression of the disease as stated before has become stronger than Harper, stronger than the team of doctors. Again, a miracle is needed and we are asking God for his will to be done. So tonight please pray for the Gibson family, please remember them when you are walking out your door to go to work, or when you are picking up your kids from school, or when you are lying your children down for bed. Pray ! Pray Hard! Pray Long! Pray!

Mocking Bird

It is becoming more and more apparent the importance of watching what you say in the company of the young ones. The other day Jacob pulled a duck shaped soap dispenser off the bathroom sink. I looked out from the shower and saw what he was doing and told him to put it back. He dropped it and it broke, spilling out soap all over the bathroom floor. I said "Damn-it Jacob, that's why we leave things alone." Not the best choice of words, I know.

Fast forward, the other night we were driving around town and had decided to stop and see the police cars at the jail. I was talking to Gail and Jacob and not paying attention and missed our turn. Jacob pointed and whined at me missing the turn and Gail said "It's OK J, daddy just missed the turn. We are going back". "Damn-it," Jacob says. We did what we could to not laugh and to not make a big deal about it in the hopes he would not continue to say it. But hey, at least he used the word in the right context.

Prince Little Bear

Yesterday, I threw a couple of empty shampoo bottles out from shower and later, Jacob was playing with them in the sink. He was dumping water back and forth. I was watching from the bedroom.

"Jacob, are you a scientist?"

"No, I a Prince. Prince Little Bear."

"If you're a Prince, what is Mommy?"

"You're...YUCK!"

He had dumped the soapy water on his hand in the space between "you're" and "yuck". I tried not to take offense...though I did have a good laugh!

I now see an opportunity to work on our royal hierarchy. Queen, my son, the word you were looking for would be QUEEN.

We're Green!

After my post about all the shit Edna saves, I realized how much shit I THROW away. Once I made the realization, I began a personal research project on recycling.

I started with our trash collection company and didn't find anything on a recycling program. I looked into alternate trash companies serving our area with recycling programs. I found one. It would cost an additional $20 a month to recycle.

I went to our city website and there I found all the information on the city's program. The list of what they pick up, how they pick up, and where to get the bags to participate - bags that the city supplies without an additional charge. I was a little shocked at what I can recycle in our little city - plastics #1-#7, and batteries, in addition to glass, metal and paper.

I sent Jeremy to City Hall to pick up bags and ask a few questions. He called me at work. We pay $25 a year to participate in the city's recycling program. It comes from our mortgage escrow account and is paid in our city taxes. We've been paying to recycle all this time.

I found some recycling bins on the Internet and promptly ordered them to hold my recyclables in between the every 2 week pick up. I also have mentally rearranged my enclosed back porch/mudroom to accommodate this green new way of life once the bins arrive.

Jeremy has been in trouble a few times for recyclables found in the trash. He's learning and now he asks to make sure before he tosses.

I also thought more about the amount of batteries we go through and made the executive decision to order rechargeable batteries and a charger. These are fast chargers and can hold a charge for up to 24 months in storage. They're supposed to last longer than regular batteries without weakness in the device they're in. Each of the rechargeable batteries saves 999 regular batteries!

And we continue to participate in our local Freecycle and I encourage you to do the same. I'm always amazed at what people are looking for or have taken. I've offered stacks of magazines, an old door, some shoes - a bunch of stuff. I like it better than donating as it goes straight to someone rather than being sold to them. Of course, there are always the people looking for something for free, though I'd rather it went to them than to a landfill...

At the end of our first week of officially going green, I was proud to haul my herby-kirby to curb this morning - with only 3 bags of trash in it. I feel much better knowing I'm making the world a little better for all of our kids.

Conversations with Jacob.

Jacob was lying in bed with me the other morning and said, "Mommy, my back hurts."

"Did you hurt it in your sleep?", I asked.

"No, I old.", "Need Dr. Jame. Feel better."

Dr. James is our chiropractor and Jacob thinks he's the best Dr. ever. Well, once Jacob found out that Dr. James wasn't going to touch him. Something like this, "Dr. Jame no hurt no me?"

*************************

Jeremy and I were watching an old Cardinals game on TV yesterday. We asked Jacob, "Can you say 'Go Cardinals!'"

"No, I busy."

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In the car, on the way home last weekend:

"Mommy? Miss Daddy."

"I know buddy, I miss Daddy too."

"Miss Brammie too. Brammie Fif."

"I know, we'll see her soon."

"Miss Brammie Harper, Brampa too."

"I know buddy."

"I miss all a body."

*******************************

He's been sick this week, I think it's just allergies. He told me, "Mommy, I sickly."