Happy Birthday Big Brother!

Thanks, for being the best big brother that a little sister could ever have!

Just remember though - no matter how old we get...you're still older!

Happy 43!

Updates, Updates, Updates...

Are all I have for you today.

I talked to Amber yesterday. No permanent damage done from her fall. She did land on her back/butt/side when she fell. She didn't go by ambulance. She drove herself to the hospital. She's still quite achy and sore. Nevaeh is doing just fine. The Dr. said Amber is measuring for 35 weeks, not 33 (she's 33 weeks pg). Nevaeh's very active - much like her big brother was. Amber has been having contractions for awhile now, even before the fall, and her cervix is getting quite thin. I'm told it won't be much longer before little Nevaeh makes her debut.

Also, I have news on Little Harper - from my Putting in all into Perspective post. "Another bone marrow biopsy was done today. Harper has been placed in a "High Risk" AML category due to the percentage of blasts in his bone marrow. He is going to Ann Arbor tomorrow for a consultation on a bone marrow transplant. Since his sister is not a match a perfect donor will need to be found." We continue to pray for this little guy and his brave, brave fight. He's still in good spirits and will have his first birthday on 12/4. Three days before Jacob.

Planning and preparations are underway for birthday #2, here at Random Thoughts. The paper products have been purchased. The cake is ready to bake, the gifts are wrapped. I just need to get the last food stuffs, thank you notes, and a few party favors. I'm a little nervous to decorate the cake but, what's the worst that could happen? I'd have to scrape off some frosting and start over? I'm trying to convince myself.

I picked up Jacob's 2 year pictures on Monday and started my Christmas cards. The pictures are amazing. He hammed it up as usual. I'll be mailing them soon. I do find it strange though, and you will see when your card arrives. Jacob looked more like Jeremy as a baby but, he looks more and more like an Elenbaas every day. Complete with those stupid dimples! Just like Grandpa Web. I sure wish you were here to see him Dad!

I finished up some more of my Christmas shopping last night. I do have ideas for the rest - which may be the most difficult stage of the battle. Now, I'm left with just having to buy for Jeremy...the worst part. One would think that as his wife, I'd know what he wants or needs. Which I do to some extent, I just don't believe socks and underwear to be sufficient Christmas gifts. I'll figure something out, I always do.

FYI: Diego Update

I was talking to Aunt Jen today about Jacob's Diego fetish. Aunt Jen, bless her heart, the one who truly understands my planning and perfection OCDs. We were a little concerned over duplication of Diego items. I told her I would post as to what I know is coming in regards to Diego and what he already has.

Adventure Diego Doll - It's not a pillow.
Rescue Pack - with baby jaguar
Race Through the Rainforest book with sounds
Tree frog rescue mini book with sounds
Diego dishes, silverware and an insulated cup
Diego toddler bedding
Diego Lil' Quad Power wheels
Diego Puzzles
Diego Lunchbox

If anyone can find a Diego coloring book - go for it! I'm also looking for a Diego backpack - no wheels, not a suitcase.

I'm not saying this is what you have to do. Everyone knows how much he loves Diego and there's a lot going on for his birthday and Christmas - I don't want anyone to do a duplicate and feel bad.

Thanks !!

You can't fault the kid...

For those of you who have children, you all know the joy and humor they can bring - usually without trying. Two times in the last few days were prime, hilarious, examples.

Grandma and Grandpa had come over for Thanksgiving dinner. After we had all dispersed for conversation and relaxation, Jacob had decided that Grandpa wasn't going to get to rest(nothing new, when do grand kids ever let grandparents relax). Well, Grandpa and Jacob had gone into the kitchen for a drink or something. Now for those who know Grandpa, he sometimes has a little difficulty walking after sitting down for a while(so does Daddy). Here comes Grandpa walking from the kitchen to the living room, with Jacob right behind him. Grandpa was walking hunched over and kind of waddling from side to side, Jacob was right behind him, mocking his every move. Grandma and Momma saw this and thought it was hilarious, Daddy and Grandpa however missed it. So a little later I asked Jacob, "How does Grandpa walk?" There went Jacob across the living room floor all hunched over and waddling just like Grandpa had earlier. That had to be one of the funniest things I had ever seen. Of course, he will show us again every once in a while, but not when the camera is rolling.

The next was last night. We were going through "Where is Jacob's nose? Where is Daddy's nose?" and so on. We got to "Where is Jacob's hair?" he patted and rubbed his head right on top. So, Momma just has to ask "Jacob, where is Daddy's hair?". After looking at me a little puzzled, he looked at the top of my head, looked back at Momma in confusion, Jacob reached out and started rubbing and patting the side of my head. I can't fault him, as you can tell by the picture there really isn't much on top.

He was only pointing out the obvious.

Foreshadowing?

The other day, Jacob took his Winnie the Pooh ride-on airplane and threw it down our basement steps. Jeremy said to me, "You just wait, next time it goes down the stairs, he'll be riding it!" After enlightening me with that little pearl of wisdom, Jeremy went on to tell me of his escapades sliding down the stairs in a laundry basket. I came home to see this picture. I know Jacob's a boy and I know he's gonna do some dumb stuff that I, for the life of me will never comprehend but - that's just plain crazy talk!

Now, there were six of us growing up in that big, old, green house in Manistee. I know I went down those creaky, shiny, wooden stairs head first, feet first, on my back, on my face, and with my head in a hamper of someone else's dirty laundry (thanks Val). My sister Karen was giving me a piggy back ride once and we broke one of the steps, it's still broken to this day - I fell on it in again in high school and gashed my knee open on one of the square nails. It's been a long time since I've fallen down those stairs in my mother's house but, I still remember that pain you get in your butt, the one where you aren't quite sure if you're laughing or crying. Why in the hell, would you want to go down the stairs in a freaking laundry basket?

I also talked to Amber yesterday. Jacob and I were supposed to go and visit with her. She called to cancel our visit. She had fallen down the stairs at her house. She has a 50 lb. pumpkin on her porch from Halloween, and it's rotting - she can't move it. She slipped in the goo, skipped the stairs and landed in the driveway. She spent Thanksgiving in the hospital on the Labor and Delivery floor, hooked up to the fetal monitors. She had some blood in her urine which has cleared up. They did an ultrasound on the baby and she's just fine. They discharged them and Amber's very sore and very tired but, she is okay. We're going to try again next weekend. She's supposed to have that baby real, real soon.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Faith and Love,
A beautiful child, (and the woman who gave him to us!)
A wonderful husband,
3 sisters, a brother, my mom, Jeremy's mom, Jeremy's dad, Jeremy's sisters, my sister-in-law, brother-in-laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents,
Memories of my father and my sister no longer with us,
Good friends,
Good health,
Good food,
A warm home,
A soft blanket,
Employment,
A quarter in my pocket,
Reliable transportation,

These are the things I'm thankful for and that I cherish, not only today but, everyday.

"Sons of bitches! Bumpuses! "

"The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!"

Yeah, well, I found it... or at least our dog did. In our neighbors backyard. I think the Bumpuses must live over there. Every time I let that dog out, damn if he doesn't run straight to the neighbors house and eat some shit-ass-rotten thing they threw out in the backyard. Either that or he eats the shit from their rabbits as they just let it pile on the ground under the hutch. I won't even tell you what he does once he gets back home!

I've been asked hundreds of times how we can stand living next door to that...dump. Frankly, we can't. We've filed numerous complaints with our local police. The Bumpuses clean it up for a few days to avoid the fine but it never stays that way. I look out there now, there's an old stove, jack o'lanterns that are black and rotten on the stoop. The pumpkin seeds littered all over the porch. I count six boxes with crap hanging out of them, five storage totes (empty, partially, and full), four dead hanging plants, three garbage bags, two gas cans, an over the door shoe rack, - pop cans, bottles, and kids toys strewn all in the mix. And a partridge in a pear tree.

Deck the Halls with boughs of horry ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.

Chop Suey Palace Owner: No, no, not 'ra ra ra ra', 'la la la la'! Try again.
Waiter #1, Waiter #2, Waiter #3: Deck the halls with boughs of horry, ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.
Chop Suey Palace Owner: No, no! Sing something else.
Waiter #1, Waiter #2, Waiter #3: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sreigh

It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I'm pretty well set for Christmas. What a good feeling!

We went last night and had Jacob's Christmas/Birthday pictures done. The Ham did pretty well for being almost 2. We got a lot of great shots. He is too cute for words! They turned out very well and will be here in time for his birthday party.

I've put a good dent in my Christmas shopping too.

Natalie, Alex, and Zoe are done. Jacob has been started. I've bought a few things, here and there. I know the other things I want to buy. I still have Lynze and Brooke but, I do know what Brooke is getting and I think Lynze will enjoy the very same thing!

I have a few things picked out for my mom. Everybody says she's the hardest but, I think for me, she's my easiest - after Jacob.

I haven't even begun shopping for Jeremy. Jeremy is always my most difficult to buy for. He never wants anything. He never asks for anything. How boring!

I've also made a big dent in preparations for Jacob's birthday. We're almost ready for that too. I finished the decorations today. I have my food all planned out. I still have to get the colors to do the cake though. We'll see how this goes...that's a lot of stars.

It's this time of year when I'm really glad I'm a planner. I don't know how I would make it through the month if I wasn't. I guess, if I wasn't, I probably wouldn't feel the need to make everything perfect either.

I'm looking forward to this holiday season. Jacob will be bigger than last year and he'll be more fun than last year too. Next year, I'm sure will be better yet. I'm looking forward to watching the classic Christmas movies with him as he gets older and making our own traditions - my favorite - 24 hours of A Christmas Story - I can't wait!

Score 1 for Jacob's mom...

eBAY - 9
Jacob's mom - 1

Today, I have declared myself anti-eBAY, in response to being outbid on everything Go Diego Go! I bid on yesterday. I realize that's the premise of the whole online auction thing but it's just so freaking frustrating. I drove myself to the local JoAnn Fabrics over lunch today. Talk about meant to be, I wanted 3 yards of Diego fabric - 3 yards is exactly what was left on the boldt - of coveted, green, flannel, Diego fabric. I paid my $20 and I'll make those sheets my-dang-self! I can sew. It can't be that hard to make sheets...

Can it?...Mooooom!?!?!

I can't say they didn't warn me...

I think it was Christmas 2005, Jacob's first Christmas, when my brother-in-law, Mike warned me this was going to happen.

He didn't use these exact words but it was something to the effect of enjoy it while you can, soon will come the long lines, and running from store to store for the one toy your kid has to have.

And here we are! Just like he said.

It's over a month before Christmas. Jacob is psyched over Go Diego Go! I'm trying to locate a Go Diego Go! Lil' Quad and an inflatable bed. Kmart, had the Quad on sale the last 2 weeks. Do you think I could get one? Oh, no! I even sent my mom to check her Kmart. I did get a rain check though. The guy who gave it to me was encouraging "They might come in again before Christmas but, I doubt it." At least he was honest. The bed, is at JCPenney for almost $40! I refuse to pay that much for a glorified sleeping bag. They did have it on sale for $27 each...if you purchase 2. Why the devil would I want 2 of them? My refusal took me to eBAY. I've already lost one, now there isn't another to bid on. Those Scheisters! I should just do the $27 sale thing and put the other one on eBAY.

Jacob is also transitioning to a toddler bed very soon. I saw a Go Diego Go! bedding set on clearance at Target two weeks ago. $35 down to $17.50. Did I buy it? Hell no! "We're going to skip the toddler bed thing and go right to the twin bed.", I said. Then I went and decided that the toddler bed would be easier for him to transition to. Now, do you think I can find that same bedding set. Uh, the answer would be "NO!". Let alone nowhere near that price! I've been outbid on eBAY, of course. Then, I remembered that I can sew and I can sew crib sheets (which are the same as toddler sheets)! I made Jacob's to match his room, in which I also made his curtains, bumper pads, etc. My new idea and I went on the search for Go Diego Go! fabric. I'll fix 'em! I'll make 'em myself! Do you think I can find fabric anywhere but on eBAY? Uh, the answer would be "NO!".

Jeremy and I have a vacation day coming up to go Christmas shopping. We're going store to store to wait in long lines to buy our kid all the things that every other parent is buying. I'm sure it'll all be worth it to see my son's smiling face on Christmas...that is, unless I'm still in line at Wal*Mart!

Putting it all into perspective...

I'd been feeling a little sentimental lately. Jacob is getting to be such a big boy. He feeds himself, walks, he's starting to talk more. I feel terribly guilty that I didn't enjoy as much as I think I should have. I wish I would have been home more, taken more pictures, documented more milestones, bought a video camera. I didn't expect he'd be my only shot at this mommy gig.

I know Jeremy and I were incredibly blessed to have been given such a great kid, to be given this experience that even a green stained tushie couldn't change (it came out in his bath, by the way). I thank God above so many times a day, when Jacob waves bye to me in the morning, when he blows me kisses, when he laughs, and even sometimes when he cries. I know I should be thankful for what I do have, and I really, truly am. I couldn't love Jacob more if he were my biological child.

We've given up on conceiving a child. We haven't been taking preventative measures for years. What's the point? I haven't given up hope, I haven't given up the dream. I guess, I've given up on the pain. How many miscarriages is your body, your heart, or your mind meant to endure? It's not like riding a bike, you don't get used to it, it doesn't get easier. It doesn't hurt less. Every loss feels like another failure. I've stopped telling Jeremy when they happen. I can't face the disappointment in his eyes anymore. He's such a great dad. I want to give him a child, I really do. I can't. All this time - that's what still hurts the most.

I look back to the year or two before Jacob was born. I can't even look back fondly. It was horrible. I look at the drugs I took, the tests we endured, the amount of blood I gave, the money we spent, and all the fights we had. Wasted...all of it wasted. I can't believe we didn't get divorced. It was that bad! I would have divorced me. I can't even imagine what it would have been like to bring a child into the mess our marriage was in at that time. I look at Jeremy and I now, we're so much stronger together. We have fun together. We've grown so much together, we talk so much, we don't fight - not like that anyway - we still argue but, I like us...now.

I talked to my friend Jeannie the other night - had to share the green tushie story - and her great-nephew (now, I feel really old!) is in the hospital receiving Chemo treatments for Leukemia. Little Harper (coincidence) is 11 months old! This beautiful child is fighting this horrible disease. Who do I think I am, feeling sorry for myself? I think I've missed out? His mommy could miss his first birthday, or seeing him walk, wave bye, and blow kisses. In my book, that's way worse than anything I can't have. There's something about a seriously hurt or ill child that puts everything into perspective - quick-like. Thankfully, Harper is fighting with all he's got - I've seen some pictures, as we say in this family - "if you didn't know, you wouldn't know!" I pray that his mommy doesn't miss a thing.

She didn't know it but, Jeannie made me think how blessed I really am. Blessed to have a healthy, beautiful boy. Blessed to have a strong, healthy marriage. Blessed to have a family that I love, that loves me. Blessed to have great friends that I can depend on. I feel guilty to even think of asking God for another gift, he gave me one, it's someone else's turn.

I heard in a movie once, "There's a special God for children...". I believe that! In this world, it's sometimes hard to believe it, but I do. There's always hope. There's hope for little Harper. There's hope that we may conceive a child. No matter what, there's always hope.

Crayons, cough syrup, and a butt stained green!

I'm sure you're wondering how in the heck I'm going to tie these together but, for those who talk to us regularly - you won't be surprised at the connection.

Jacob has been sick for the past 2 days. He has a horrible barking cough and more guck coming out of his nose than I ever thought possible for someone so small. Jacob nor I got much sleep last night and him having a temp. means he can't go to the sitter and Momma has to stay home since Da has to work. Jacob has been very clingy and cuddly these past two days, more than he has in the past two months which is nice most of the time...except when I have to go potty. I've been alternating giving him mucus relief and cough syrup every 4 to 6 hours. Jacob now knows and brings me a bottle of cough syrup as it's due. I hear you other moms gasping...I make sure the lids are tight when I finish with them from the previous dose and as clingy as he's been, he's not out of my sight. When not in use they are put away.

As anyone who cared for a sick child knows, a good case of the runs always accompanies a cold. As per the norm, we had those today as well, however, imagine my shock when I opened the diaper to find his poo was the color of a green Crayola! This kid hasn't hardly eaten in two days...let alone anything that shade of green! I can't wipe this green off either. I'm going over, in my head, everything that has gone into his mouth since yesterday, mac & cheese, chicken & stars, grilled cheese, grape kool-aid, purple and red cough syrup, nope - nothing green. Nothing that makes green either. All the while, I'm wiping at his green tushy and this green, it ain't coming off! Everywhere on his butt that this poo touched is stained Crayola green!

I call Jeremy at work, the girl on the phone says "He's just finishing up his lunch, can I have him call you back?" Rather than tell her to tell him his son's ass is stained Crayola green, I simply say, "Sure." An hour passes, he doesn't call back. I call my mom. Of course, Edna was so helpful "What did you feed him that was green?" Hmmm, thanks Mom, hadn't thought of that! I wait another, oh, 45 minutes and call Jeremy again, he asks how we're doing at home, "Fine, but your son's ass is stained the color of a green crayon!" I tell him. And he says to me...

"Oh, that green crayon he ate the other day finally passed through!"

**So much for washable crayons!

and here he is...Jacob the hobo!

So, after the brown dog incident, we figured a hobo would be pretty easy to pull off and wouldn't involve anything other than regular clothes turned into tatters. He loves to walk the sidewalk and push his little cart so we thought we'd fill that up for him and off we'd go. He, of course, didn't want to to push it now because we wanted him to. We put him in the wagon and he and Daddy left with Jacob crying. They went out for about a half hour and came home. Jacob cried on and off the whole time, threw his candy bucket on the ground, threw all of his candy on the ground and was just plain cranky. Hopefully, next year is better!