The hands on the clock are spinning faster and faster every time I look, some days I swear they’ll fly off and stab me in the eye - such is my luck!
The clock is creeping right up on me from hot flashes to being the very same age as my father when I was born. I always remember him being so fragile and here I am at 45, regrouping my life - eating better, exercising - in the best shape ever. Yes, round is still a shape!
I had this realization today that I’m getting older, my brother is getting older and my sisters are getting older. Oddly, I was worried about my brother...how he, if he was strong enough to bury another sister. I realized that I’m 9 whole years younger than he is and it’s probably more likely for me to be the one to bury the 5 (I still think of us as in our original 6) of them...am I strong enough to do that?
I went to my workout tonight and all I could think about were these memories of my sisters, my brother, just these movie clips of them in my life with them and I wanted to record these things before they fade away. The mind is an amazingly complicated, beautiful machine and what it keeps and the reasons why will always remain a mystery. But the best is you never know what people remember about you or what memories they have kept! Just a few:
Gloria, skipping down Fifth Avenue pier in Manistee singing “Feeling Groovy”.
Karen kneeling over the loveseat talking to our dad.
A very pregnant Cindy standing in a tractor bucket up picking berries.
David stopping to see me at school - he’d come home for a funeral.
Playing cards with Valerie
Gloria and her guitar, her yellow pinto - Mr Bojangles, glass rocks, Petosky stones, cabbage rolls, and we could write novels!
Little sister weekend in Petosky, jamming my little hands into pop machines for can tabs to build Val a curtain for her closet!
Hours of Matchbox cars with David
Lunches at the Harvest Table with Karen every Saturday.
Cindy and I trying 9000 diets every summer. The boiled potato and mustard one sticks out - I still hate mustard.
David taking me to basketball games - oh my God - once I fell in the mud and he had to take me home, another time I fell down the bleachers, and once my mom was doing my hair and found the lice!
Kissing Karen goodbye from the kitchen.
Horseback riding in the - was it pecan groves or hazelnut groves with Gloria
Left handed Cindy teaching right handed Gail to crochet.
Learning counted cross stitch from Karen
Making my quilt with Cindy and Karen
Pizza at Armedo’s on Friday night with Karen
Stepping in David’s footprints in the snow.
Gloria playing cards while driving
And Val...
I have never felt so blessed as I did tonight having you 5 in my “movie”, my snapshots in time with you all. The stories, the smiles my heart chooses to remember. I’m sadly realizing that too quickly our family of 8 became 7 then 6, 5 and now just 4...
I remember one summer, 4th of July, I think before any of the kids or maybe just Matt, Cindy and Ron were up for the holiday. You all were going for fireworks and I wasn’t old enough. I was never old enough, I was always running behind trying to catch up, always wanting to do what you all were doing and go where you were going. The typical tag along little sister. Now, I’m not quite as eager!
Thank you all for taking me along - even when you didn’t want to, for answering my questions, my endless chatter, for taking time for me when I need help - to change a tire (thanks David) because I did something dumb (thank you, David) or I need some advice (usually thanks again, David) and just when I get on your last nerve, remember...I may be the littlest sister, I may always need something or want something, be crying about something or have to ask you something but, one day I’m going to have to be the strongest sister because I’m the only one who will still be left behind here without all of you.
No comments:
Post a Comment