After my mom died, I shut down. I shut down my psychic abilities, I stopped meditation, I stopped my prayers, I closed the path to visits from spirit. I tried really hard to just stop feeling. I was so afraid my mother would sneak in somewhere and make me feel something that I thought it better if I turned everything off.
I was hurt. I was angry. I was angry with her. She left me. She left me without an apology. She left me without any acknowledgement of any of my hurts - hurts she caused or created, hurt to my kid! She left so many things unresolved and I didn't want to resolve them in her afterlife. I wanted her Earthly self to know, to see, to feel, to comprehend. I was angry. It wasn't about me. It's about her. It's always been about her. It will always be about her.
I knew one of my highlights of 2015 was coming up very soon. I knew I couldn't avoid my mother's spirit forever. I knew had to open up before my Reiki Master class and I knew I had to open up to accept the attunement and I knew it better to deal with her on my terms than her terms! She blew in late one night and just like I knew she would, full of gifts and empty promises coupled with her backhanded apologies which I reluctantly accepted but, I told my guides and angels that if she came again they could relay her information to me because I didn't want to speak to her again. So far, so good!
Please, hold that thought. I did love my mother. You may know her but, you were never her child and you can never understand.
In other 2014 blunders, my husband resigned from his job in November...with about 2 days notice to us. Honestly? This blunder is the best, yes I said THE BEST thing to happen to us! The restaurant life is NOT easy, not on the parent nor the child. Jeremy started his new job this week and for the first time in 9 years, I am not a single parent. I have never been a co-parent. I don't know how to be a co-parent much the same as Jeremy doesn't know how to be home! We're learning it all together. Most importantly, we're ok. We're figuring it out, we're together and we're really ok!
2015. Oh what lies ahead! My Jacob turns double digits this year, daddy's new job with less vacation time yet adding evening and weekend time, and taking a trip to see our Cardinals play the Tigers. We're hoping for more pool time, more fires out back, and more camp outs in the yard. We're doing some more work on our house and I'm deciding what to do with my Reiki Master certificate!
I know I can handle what comes to us. It's good to be open again, to be back to myself. I'm looking forward to new visions (visits) and the path forward. It may not be as we planned in 2014 but, it will be what it will be and I'm looking truly forward.
Here's to a healthy, happy 2015 and all the opportunities ahead!
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