The time I took a break from social media

I've just had it.

Take this as you will.  I'm not speaking of any one person in particular and if you relate yourself to anything I am about to say, that is by your own deduction, not by my accusation!

I've felt my annoyance with social media rising lately.  Some people are quite humble, quiet and rather fun. Some laugh with me on my random stupidity or smile at something silly and I really will miss those!

I can't take the bragging, the boasting, the pouting, the dramatic, the falseness and the attention seekers any more!

The girl with the boyfriend who slept with their mutual friend and they broke up but are now back together "stronger than ever" ie. until the next time this happens, the "look at me" and the cryptic posters, I will not miss. At all. 

In the last week or two, every time I login, I just feel my blood begin to boil.  People who aren't who they say they are.  People with the moral concept of a freaking toad!  People who complain about their lack of money yet spending it like their hair is on fire.  And the lies!  Oh, the lies. 

There are some that are truly genuine and I can't wait to login again to see what I've missed from them. Some so sweet and so kind, it breaks my heart to lump them into this.

And my family!  I have LOVED having his connection to them and I'll miss them terribly.

All this and work too.  My plate is so full right now, I honestly and truly cannot afford the social media distraction.  I figure it takes two weeks to make a habit, it takes two weeks to break a habit. I plan to put my nose to the grindstone, buckle down and work hard to break the habit and start anew.

I'll miss you my sweet friends and who knows...maybe I'll take this opportunity to clean some house and make this a place for me to have some fun again.  

The Fenderberg

It's been way too serious around here.  I need something fun.

I was talking with a friend of mine, said a woman done hurt his pride...oh wait, that's Tom Petty and a really great song, by the way but, not where I was going with this...I was talking to my fellow winter lover about cars and snow while she was kicking the hell out of her truck, when this explosion of ice fell off she cheered - "I got that FENDERBERG!!"

I hadn't heard that term and I wasn't quite sure I had heard her correctly so, well, being the nerd that I am, I looked it up in my handy dandy Urban Dictionary app on my phone, like all good nerds do.

"Fenderberg - That disgusting clump of ice, snow and slush that accumulates under your car's fenders behind the wheels during the winter months"

I have also posted a few photos just in case you didn't quite understand.

I did not know the gross things had a name!  Fenderbergs.

That said, I too HATE fenderbergs!  Before getting into my car - at a public place, I walk around the car and kick off all the bergs.  I don't want them in my driveway - or heaven forbid...in my garage!  So I never kick them off at home.  They're heavy.  I don't want to shovel them up.  YULK!  The worst is when you're turning a corner and you can hear them scraping on the tires.  Ugh!

What about you?  Thoughts on the fenderberg?

It's not about me...

I had a nice long chat with my brother today.  It happens once in awhile where the planets cosmically align and we both have time to just talk...or listen as sometimes the case may be.  We talk about so many topics in such a short amount of time and really, it's one of my favorite things. I'm not sure how we even follow each other and if you asked me to repeat any part of it, I seriously couldn't do it.  Once in a while I walk away with a little gem of wisdom from him though.  I did this time.  In our conversation today, he said something that made me think.  He said, "It's not about me".

And he's right.  It's not about me.

This life and the things in it.  They're not about me.  It's about Jeremy and Jacob and giving them the best that I can.  Teaching my son to grow up and be able to take care of his wife and his family. To show him how to do things around the house.  To teach him - even if I fail or he doesn't learn.  We're struggling with his socks these days - He thinks I should put his socks on for him, I disagree.  I'd love to keep him close and dote on him because I love him but, it's not about me.  He has to learn for himself.  I can't keep doing everything for him, if I do, he'll never learn.  I'm here to teach him, to guide him. It's not my job to be his friend, my job is to be his mom.  Because,

It's not about me.

I have a job.  It's a simple (and complex) job.  I make a bazillion decisions everyday.  It's not about me.  It's about my company and doing what's best for them.  I happen to be an overachiever.  I have to put in my all, everyday, all the way.  I can't do less than that.  That's just me.  But, it's not about me and I won't pat myself on the back for it.

It's not about me.

I have a sister that has chosen to be by herself.  I love her.  I have to respect her decision.  I have to let her go.  Sure, I wish it wasn't like this, that she didn't feel the need to be alone.  It's not about me.  I can't make her come out.  I can't fix what ever is wrong.  I can't fix it if she won't tell me.  I can only be here for her when she's ready.

It's not about me.

I've been working on my Reiki, on communicating with spirit, this whole psychic thing and I wonder where this path may go, I get scared that people won't believe me or think I'm a fake or a fraud.  It's not about me.  Let these spirits come into your home all hours of the day and night, let them shower with you pestering you to tell this one, or tell that one.  I didn't ask for this....well, I encouraged it a lot.  But, these messages, these spirits are not about me, they're not here for me.  It's not for my benefit.  I don't even charge a fee.

It's not about me.

So many things I do, it's not for the recognition - if that was the case, I'd list them here for all the world to see, I do them to fill a need, to follow my heart, to give someone something that I know what it's like to need.  I do it to help.  I do it because God told me to.  It's not about me.  It's about being a human being, having a heart.  It's not about the cost or the sacrifice or anything else.

It's not about me.

I guess too, we need to look at other people and the things they do to us, things that hurt us, hurt our feelings and we have to remember at those times to look in and say - this may not be about me.  Maybe they have some other things going on, things within themselves that they need to do or to change.  We don't know everything about everyone and what their needs are.  Even things going on around us, this world it's not always about me.  Pick and choose, not everything is a personal attack.

It's not always about me.
   

Subtract the Emotion

I've been talking with a friend about making some life changes and I keep repeating myself, "Take out the emotions.  Don't decide based on your emotions.  Subtract the emotion.".  It's what I hear when I talk with her but, I often wonder what I mean by that.

When I don't understand something, the first place I go is to the dictionary (or Google).

Check out the definition and see for yourself.  

Emotion

And just in case you wonder, I have also included quite a list of emotions; 

Emotions and be sure to read the definition at the top!  I love this " Emotion not to be confused with a bodily appetite, as hunger or thirst."

Back to what I was saying about making decisions based on emotion, don't do it.  You'll never make the right choice.  Fear, desperation, angst, all of those things cloud our judgement.  They don't allow us peace. They attract worry and more fear.  They allow us to let in outside influences and block us from hearing our true inner voice.

When faced with a tough decision, I try to take a few minutes and just ignore (I said I try) all of the feelings.  I try to find a little quiet, close my eyes and I say to myself - "well, what are we going to do here?"  And I wait.  I wait until I hear a clear "Yes" or a clear "No".  There is no reasoning, no convincing, no "well, if I".  Just plain old, boring yes or no.

I believe in God (you can call Him Spirit if you want).  I believe in faith.  I don't believe in coincidence.  I believe that God leads us to everything that we need.  At times, it's easy.  More often, it's really hard.  That said,  I believe there are roadblocks or detours put in our paths to test us, to see if we're really listening and I believe that emotions are those roadblocks.  If we follow, say fear for instance, if we hold on to something based on our fear, are we truly following our path, are we trusting in God to take us where we need to be?  If it's God's destiny for you, should you be afraid to do it?  Or should you be trusting in God to take the lead?

When it's God.  I know. When I hear my clear "yes" or "no".  It is with absolute certainty.  There is no question in it.  I am so sure and I want to say "feel" but, it's something that I know deep down to my bones, to my core.  There is no mistake. There is no doubt. 

I don't rule by my emotions any more.  I still hurt, I'm still afraid but, I trust that God is leading me where I need to be.  Plans come together, plans fall apart, at times it makes sense, at times it seems totally random.  You have to remember that the test or the lesson isn't always yours.  It could be for someone else and you're just along for the ride.

That's it!  (I had to come back to add this!)  Don't base your decisions or make your decisions based on how you "feel", make them on what you KNOW!

I'd like to kick whoever it was that said, "Follow your heart", it should truly be "Follow your gut" or in my case "Follow that little voice that says "yes or no".

Take each day, take each step you're given.  Love, be loved but, trust in God, trust in the Spirit to lead you.  Trust your inner self.  Don't succumb to the emotions.  Don't let them rule you.  Don't let them be your guide.  Listen for your "yes" or "no".  You'll always be right.

Delicious Desserts?

I absolutely love Anna Quindlen - I fell in love with her when I read Black and Blue. Nancy Horan and my very favorite book ever Loving Frank (her 2nd book just released and I have yet to add it to my collection).  Karen White - I got hooked on her books with Learning to Breathe. Cathy Lamb - her titles always grab my attention but, I've only read one of her books and I don't know why that is.  I need to change that!  Patti Callahan Henry who is my absolutely, fall on my face, die hard FAVORITE author - and, Elin Hilderbrand who takes me back to Nantucket when I need my beach fix, Kristen Hannah who writes a good story with just enough steam and not push it over the edge to smut,  and even Danielle Steele who I've recently found my way back to - but, but, I have to say -  in my mind, no book of hers will ever be as good as Accident.  These women are what I love to read.  They make me want to buy more books and more books and more books and read them all in one sitting!

I do also love James Patterson, when he gets a little romance-y - like his latest, First Love.  I'm looking forward to sinking my eyes into that book!  I just ordered the Kindle edition this afternoon.

I looked at my shelf, stacked full of books in my bedroom this morning and I wonder, will I ever read them all?  What if I get bored with this one, or that one?  I wonder which ones I'll love, which ones I'll close after a few chapters and send to the library to begin the recycling of the awful book.

I looked at my book wish list today in an attempt to justify spending $20 on both Anna Quindlen's and Nancy Horan's latest but, how could I order those and not Elin Hilderbrand's?  How could I choose?  I didn't.  I closed the browser with hopes of coming back next week.  Maybe I'll be ready to make the choice.

I have a lot of books on my Kindle that sounded good at one time and now they're passed over for others I want to read first.  Some I'll keep.  Some I'll delete. Some times it's the biggest decision I can make.  Do I invest my time in this book or that book?  Which book?

I often wonder, if I were to stick only with the authors my heart adores, will I have enough books to read?  Most of my favorites release a new book every summer and that would likely keep me busy for some time if you include, going back and catching up with their older books too.  Yet, I can't help but ask if there is yet another author I'd love as much to add to my collection and then where would this end?

But...if I stick with only what I love, how will I find new authors to love?  I mean...I took a chance on Anna Quindlen, she's new to me.  It was a blind shot when I landed my first Patti Callahan Henry and still, not many of my reading friends have heard of let alone read her.

If I stuck with what I knew, I would have missed some great stories of the Haulocaust and slavery, I never would have met up with historical fiction - which is my new favorite genre.

What to do?  I think, I think I'll keep plugging along, reading my favorites spread out here and there, like a reward for trudging through my not-so-favorites, if only to get me through to the delicious desserts.

A box of old CDs

Jeremy and I have been clearing out the clutter in our home for some time now. I generally keep a box on my front porch where I toss all of the little trinkets I pick up around the house and when the box gets full, we haul it out to the curb and watch it disappear.

We have too much freaking snow!

I can't keep a box on my front porch - there's about 6 inches of snow out there.

I can't haul the full box to the curb - there is no curb!  It's been replaced by about 5 feet of snowbank.

What am I doing with all this clutter?  Well, I'm storing it in my basement, what did you expect?

I've decided to have a yard sale this Spring.  I've taken a few years off.  Discouraged by people, and a lack of time to set up/take down/sit in my yard all day.  I don't know why I'm ready now.  I don't know what is wrong with me.  I guess I'm looking at all this stuff thinking, "I can't just give it all away..."

Things like - Kelsey's puppy kennel, 2 televisions, an air mattress still in the box, and at least 4 boxes worth of miscellaneous junk I've picked up around the house.

Jeremy and I also sorted our collection of CDs.  Can you believe we got rid of 125 discs?  I downloaded a few to my MP3 player and added them all to the yard sale pile.  I have tried this task many times before and I've always gotten stuck in the memories of the songs, you know the "where was I when I first heard this...who was I with?"  But, this time was so different.  There was zero emotion behind the sorting.  It was simply "A" to "B", keep or go.  I haven't gone back to that box since, not even once.

The spiritualist in me wonders why I'm ready now, to leave these things, to move forward.  The mom in me knows that we need the space.  The practicality of keeping them all, well, there is none.

As I get older, I question the things that I save or why I save them.  I don't want to live in constant savings, as a miser, save the good dishes, save the expensive perfume, save a hundred cds that you'll never listen to.  Enjoy this time, this life, you won't have another.  But, it's not the things.

Not to mention I'm terrified that I'll turn into a hoarder, buried alive by accumulated stuff.

Some of us, we see our things and we attach our memories to them.  A plastic cup, a baseball bat, a few toy cars, maybe some blankets, and even a box of old cds, we hold onto these to remind us of those good times,  sad times, maybe people who have passed or moved on.  In the end, we don't need those things to remind us, our memory is quite capable.  Often times, in my experience, those who have passed come back to share that memory or bring us a new one that they prefer.

While I'll miss that old box of CDs, I can carry the memories of my dad, my friends, old loves, and my childhood with me in my mind.  I don't have to share them, explain them, they're mine to hold and to bring out whenever I am ready.  When it's time to remember, I know I'll hear each song again and I'll remember just like I'm supposed to, in my own special time and place.  And I'll know that all is how it is meant to be.