Mid-Mid-Life Crisis

It's good/strange to be back here.  I feel this need to write again, to create again.  I feel like it's been so long since I've been here and so much has changed.  I have changed!  Looking back at myself, I can't believe where I once was!

I went shopping a few weeks ago...I was looking for a pink sweater.  For those of you who know me, well then you know that pink, pink ain't really my thing.  I found said pink sweater, and a pink tee with a white fleece, as well as a pink 3/4 sleeve with a white vest.  Jeremy's first question as I was pulling all of these pink things out of my bag, "What is wrong with you?"  And my dog, my dog has a pink collar and matching leash.  But, in my defense, pink and chocolate brown go together so well!

As if all the pink wasn't strange enough, I decided that I needed a camouflage sweatshirt.  Camouflage - one thing that I hate more than pink ( besides flip-flops - I better be careful, I'll be buying those come summer if this keeps up!).  My sweatshirt (mossy oak pattern from Cabela's) is due to arrive today.

I've had a bunch of little epiphanies in the past few months.  Little things like, you are not responsible for another person's happiness.  You are not responsible for another's actions or reactions.  Sometimes things/relationships/people are what they are and nothing more.  That it's very easy to succumb to another's negativity and tough to learn how to get around it.  I'm not saying that I now go through life ignorant of others and their thoughts or feelings, I think I was dwelling on others so much that I wasn't paying attention to myself or my little family and what is best for us.

I find myself smiling more.  I say 'hello' to people and I look them in the eye, rather than mumbling to my shoes.  I'm still not real outgoing and I don't care to venture far from my home, those things haven't changed.  I still don't care for busy restaurants, stores or large public events (i.e. concerts, etc.).  I get very overwhelmed and kind of suffocated, some of which has to do with the next paragraph and some I simply get very nervous and I try to be witty or cute and I totally come off like a big fat JERK!  I'm learning that it is okay to just be quiet too.

And to really knock your socks off, I've been doing a lot of reading.  I haven't updated my Goodreads to reflect this because of my choice of subject matter.  I've been reading a lot of books on psychic development, intuition and mediumship.  Call me a gypsy, call me a witch, quote to me what the Bible says about fortune telling, tell me I'll burn in Hell - it's nothing I haven't said to myself so, unless you have seen or really talked to me in the past 6 months, you haven't witnessed the difference in me.  You haven't noticed the skip in my step, the excitement I have for what lies ahead of me (no, I don't know but, I'm thrilled to find out!), or the smile on my face!  If it's evil, how can my spirit feel so awakened?  Shit - I've even gone back to church!

Whew!  Now I got that I just showed you my porn stash...talk about some relief!  Talk about a mid-life crisis.  This place just got really interesting, huh?  It's good to be back!  :)