Horn tooters

I bought something for work from an on-line auction service and it arrived today with an evelope of cash in it (refund of shipping charges). There is no way to put this actual cash money back into our accounts. Now, yes, technically speaking I could have pocketed the $12 and no one would have known a thing about it but, I can't do that. I talked to the gal who requested this item and we decided to donate the money to an internal company matched charity. Then I found out that our coffee shop was sponsoring a fundraiser (win a 32" flatscreen) for a teammate who recently adopted 2 children (shoot - can't remember where from) and the daughter has some health issues. I simply handed them the money and said - I don't want tickets for the TV. I just want to donate. I gave all $12 and I walked away. I didn't tell you this to make you think I'm some sort of saint - it's simply the story.

I'm not one to toot my own horn, as they say. I don't think I do anyway. I do things for people and I don't expect to be rewarded (well, most of the time). I'm not always looking for reciprocation. In fact, most of the time, I rarely even peek. I'm generally satisfied with the feeling that I did the right thing, that I made someone feel special, or knowing I helped them.

I know I have spoken about reciprocation in the past. Sometimes, I do expect a little something in return though, I know I shouldn't but, when you help the same person over and over - with no reciprocation, I don't know anyone who can't help but feel taken advantage of or maybe due something in return for their efforts.

As a daughter, and part of the reason I've backed away from Edna, I'm burned out. I'm thankful to my parents for the sacrifices they (she) made for me. I'm not saying my dad didn't - I'm saying I don't know enough to say anything. I appreciate the things Edna says she did or gave up. All of them. I'm thankful that she flung "80lb. bags" of salt for 10 years. I'm thankful that she "let her teeth go" to pay for us kids, and whatever else she always goes on about. I have thanked her many times but - it's never, never, never enough for her. Any gift to her is never enough, never good enough as Edna is the BIGGEST horn tooter, I have ever met! She's always more than willing to share all of the simply nice things that she's done for people (especially her children or my dad) and how terribly we all treat her in return. I'm sorry, lady. Isn't that your job? As a wife and mother? Isn't that what you're supposed to do?

As a mother, I don't believe in tooting my own horn for what I do for Jacob. He's my son, I'm his mom, it's my job to do these things, it's my job to take care of him, to make his life fun. One day, he'll grow up and hopefully he realizes what we gave him. I hope he's thankful - but I don't expect him to be.

I don't understand this though - how is it that I can do for some people here and there and it's fine, I enjoy it, I'm happy with myself and I'm not looking for anything; in fact, most of these times - I don't toot my horn, I just do it, nod and walk away BUT, sometimes, with some people, maybe it's the doing more than once, it seems that the more you help, the more they expect? Then it becomes the more you do the less you feel good about it and then you start feeling owed.

I wanted to help, I didn't want to keep score.