What fits?

I think a lot about people's perceptions as of late. I think about how I come across to people. I know I'm difficult at first but, I like to think once I let you in, it's worth it.

I don't have very many friends, though the ones I do have, are rich in history. False friendships are not my thing. I don't count acquaintances as friends. I also will not pursue a possible friendship. I don't like to put effort into friendships - I believe they should be natural - they should just flow. Friendship shouldn't feel like a chore.

I remember being 7/8 years old and I wouldn't speak to one of my sister's very best friends. I barely uttered a word outside of family, for that matter. I simply hid behind my sister and peeked out as this girl spoke to me. I was that shy! I'm not shy anymore - well, most of the time I'm not. I'm quiet while I observe you and try to figure you out. A lot of the time, I don't feel like talking to people (mostly people I don't know). So I don't.

I'm stubborn. I have to learn for myself.

I'm independent. I can take care of myself and I don't appreciate being treated as if I can't! Yet I do expect a man in my presence to be chivalrous.

I'm not dumb. I'm not stupid. I'm not ignorant. I may not speak straight from a dictionary but, I am rather intelligent - more common sense than book smarts. Treat me like I'm an idiot once, and I'm done with you. I don't take well to people who lack common sense.

I can't stomach an excuse. Benjamin Franklin once said, "He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else." I do know the difference between a reason and an excuse.

I have a sharp tongue. Edna says it's from my father (actually she says "you have your father's sharp tongue and you know how to twist it too") but, I think it's from her. I don't always think about what I say before it exits my mouth - especially when it comes to my mother. Sometimes it's easier to edit yourself on paper/on screen but, like Jeremy says email is often misinterpreted.

I have high expectations. I expect my child to behave. My furniture to last. My lawn to be mowed. My kitchen chairs to be pushed in. I get let down a lot. :)

I'm an organized F. R. E. A. K. I am a place for everything person. I have to tell you - I hate having people help pick up Jacob's toys because then I have to sort them to the bins where they belong!

I don't settle. If something is not exactly what I want. There is nothing that "will do"...unless what I want is something that isn't already made or too expensive. Then I'll make do.

I take most everything to heart. Matter of fact - breaking one of my little rules here is enough to set me into a spin. But, we all have these little rules about ourselves. These little lists of things we like or don't like or the things we want or expect. Don't we?

I think a lot about where I fit or more the case, don't fit. I do okay with my family but, there is such an age difference in us. My life now, was 20 years ago for my sisters - their marriages are 25+ years old. Their kids are grown (sorry girls - I don't intend to make you feel senior). Most times, I feel I travel alone. I tell Jeremy often that "I just don't fit." Then I wonder, Do I expect too much? or Am I just being a tight ass?

I think of the ways we were all raised by our parents. I think of the things we learned from watching them, or in my case from watching my siblings, mostly. I think of the way these relationships all intermingle in our friendships or marriages. I think of my set of rules and how different it is in comparison to Jeremy. Night and Day, by the way. I'm amazed at the Lord's weaving between Jeremy and I. For all of our differences, I'm amazed that it works.

I've been thinking a lot of friendships or relationships that have worked or don't work out for me. A lot about people who are in my life and why they're here. People I want and people I don't. Those here by choice, those here by marriage or birth. I don't intend to be difficult. I certainly don't intend to hurt. I simply don't know where I fit.