Instructions

Don't you sometimes wish we all came with instruction manuals? Just a little booklet that details your handling instructions to pass out to people you meet along the way. Likes warm showers, and soft pillows. Hates liver and Lima beans. Likes warm, genuine hugs. Hates cold coffee. Has huge trust issues. Fiercely independent. Stubborn and Bullheaded. Allergic to Neoprene. Doesn't always see the little things to do to make others feel special - but still values them immensely. Likes nuts to eat by themselves but hates them in cookies or brownies. Stuff like that.

It would be great to have the ability to look up the whats and the whys that make up who you are. The traits inherited from both parents and how you're supposed to manage them. Their strengths can become your strengths, their strengths can also become your weaknesses or vice versa. Like an index. Stubborn? See page 263. You get that from your mother. She got it from her father. Multiplies through each generation. To ease: don't tell it what to do, it won't do it...rather make it think it was its idea, it'll surely take the bait.

It's funny, sometimes to look from the outside at your family, at your siblings and see yourself. I see Cindy's sensitivity, Karen's creativity, Gloria's spontaneity, and David's determination - in me. I'm sure my parents see more of these similarities and differences in each of us than what I see myself. I'm sure they see themselves in us too. It always amazes me that six kids from the same two parents can be such individuals. I'm sure they're amazed everyday. I'm glad my parents realized the differences in the six of us too. They essentially parented us the same but the six of us were so different, they had to adapt to each of us. Cindy was more sensitive - she'll behave with a dirty look. Gloria was the wild one - she might never behave. I'm thankful for the parents I had. Though they never said it much, I know they are proud of all six of us and the people their children grew to be.

I think a lot about my issues with trust. I don't trust many. I don't know who I inherited it from. I have very few people who have taken the time to make their own instruction manuals for me. Friends who were patient enough to let me let them in - in my own time. I trust these people with my...everything. The ones who have hung on long enough to find that I was worth it on the inside. Thanks you guys - you are very brave and I appreciate you more than you will ever know.

I know I've been a lot more personal here lately. I have so much going around in my little mind. Typing it here seems to be my best release. I don't mean to offend or upset anyone. I'm trying to take steps to be more of a person I want to be. I do want to be more open - not so hard and closed. I've always felt like I'm peeking out the door so I can just slam it shut when I get too scared or too hurt. I need to stop doing that. I need to learn to close the door behind me instead of hiding behind it. I need to learn to open it when someone knocks. I'm trying.

Trust - what page is that on?