I was driving to work this morning thinking about a Facebook post a friend had written earlier(at one time, I was very, very close to this family) and her family who lost two uncles, had a mother diagnosed with cancer and lost that mother all within about the span of 8 weeks. In this post, she was thanking everyone for their kindness, friendship, etc. Which got me thinking about thoughtfulness. All these people surrounded this family. All these people stepped in. It amazed me.
I remember when my sister was killed, our counter tops were jam packed with food. Casseroles, cakes, lasagnas, salads, cookies - so much food. People just kept coming and coming. We even had to freeze some of it - there was so much! I'll always remember that. I always wanted to help. I am now signed up with our church to help with funeral dinners. I know at least one of my sisters is too. I don't remember my mom ever doing that. I don't remember her ever taking a dish to someone.
I was to bring cookies for a school meeting once. My class was responsible for the refreshments. I ran home and told my mom, I was so excited. I asked and asked to bake cookies to take. I wanted to take something special, something homemade. She sent me to school that night with two packages of generic, white, duplex creme cookies. I was heartbroken and she never said a word. Never acknowledged my feelings, explained - nothing!
I need to go shopping this week for a friend who just had a baby. My cousin's daughter is having a baby, I was invited to the shower but, I can't go - I'll send her a gift in the mail. My mom's response would be, "What did she invite me for? Oh, for the gift!" I do not know her. It doesn't matter.
I had wanted to bake cookies for a boyfriend once, he was in the hospital after a car accident, and she said to me "You never bake ME cookies! I'm good enough to buy all the ingredients - you use my sugar, my flour...". I didn't take him cookies.
As you can see, I wasn't taught to be thoughtful. To think of others before myself. To do for someone else just out of the goodness of my heart. I didn't have a good example to follow. I, of course want better for Jacob. I think it comes natural for kids to want that too - I also think as mothers it is up to us to encourage or to nurture them.
In this almost a year without my mother in my life. I have learned more about the kind of person I want to be. I want to be more generous with my time, my talents. I want to share with my church and be of some help to a grieving family. I want to welcome new babies to the family and my friends - they're only that little once. I want to take up collections for families/children in need. I want to teach my son to give rather than to get. I want him to be thoughtful. I want him to grow in this, maybe I have an extra blessing in doing this together with him, in learning it at the same time. All I can do is the best I can do.
**It was never my intent to bash or berate my mother. I don't feel that I have, you may feel otherwise and well, that's okay. There are many reasons I have chosen not to maintain a relationship with her. You can think that I am cruel or she is a saint. I do not care. I will say this - she is who she is and I am who I am, had she been someone else, I wouldn't be me! I am always thankful to her for choosing to give me life and that will never change. As for the rest is and always will be between me and Thee.
