A = Attitude

I have noticed a bit of slight in people's attitudes as I've gotten older.  Some people seem to have an attitude of entitlement, some of despair, some hopeful, some hopeless.  I notice it most often when driving.  This really happened to me once, "I didn't mean to change lanes without signaling and about run you into the curb, dude.  It wasn't intentional.  I hadn't driven that stretch of parking lot, I didn't know that the lane ended, you were in my blind spot, and had I been able to see your face, I would have said I was so sorry.  Leaning over to give me the one finger salute was not necessary. "  I felt so bad.  I didn't mean to cut him off.  I didn't intend to misinterpret the lines.  But, this guy was MAD at me!  He chose to have an attitude, there was nothing I could do.

I've noticed some people present themselves with attitude and I generally react negatively to their approach.

I've noticed when people come to me with a smile, a little sincerity, I'll give just about anything.

I've noticed I am a sponge.  If you come to me with an attitude, chances are, I will leave with it.  Good or bad.  It also takes me some time to sort through it, get rid of it, and move on.

I have learned also, to recognize the negative attitude and either try to head it off or avoid it all together.

I've noticed it's hard to give someone an attitude when they're smiling and nice to you.

I've noticed a sincere apology, or acknowledgement greatly reduces an attitude.

I try, every morning to put my best foot forward and approach my life as a learning experience.  I try to make it my choice what attitude I'm going to wear for the day.  I believe it's easy to do if you are aware of where you are as a person and the changes you need to make in your life.

I believe some people, cannot see that they are in charge of what happens to them in their lives, what paths they choose to follow.  It's easier for them to blame society, their parents, the judicial system, anything but, themselves and they continue to be miserable.  They have chosen this attitude for their lives. 

I firmly believe that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  If I could only remember I believe it!

Are you ready?

I think I am.

My big blog challenge starts tomorrow.  I've been looking over my list and noting ideas for each letter.  And, I have to admit - some have me a little stumped but, the good news is tomorrow's post is scheduled to hit my blog promptly at 12:00AM and we'll just keep knocking them out one after another until we're done.

I'm excited to work on my writing skills and share something I like to do...for the next 26 days

Please don't be afraid to remind me or give me a nudge if you think I'm slacking!

Wish me luck!!

At the Office

I always loved going into the office with my dad when I was a kid.  I spent a lot of time with my dad when I was a little girl. He was already diagnosed with MS (Multiple Sclerosis), my mom was working - I don't remember anymore details.   Dad would mention having to go in to the office and before he'd finish his sentence, I'd be in my Sesame Street jacket with my shoes on, heading for his green Chevy - avacado green with a white hardtop - it had swivel seats!  I had run of the show at Consumer's Power (Consumer's Energy as it's called now)!  I could help myself to chocolate milk from the fridge in the big conference room.  I got to color.  I could have all the paper and pens I wanted.   I got to sit on my dad's lap during meetings and drink my chocolate milk.  The other guys - Fred LaPorte, he's passed on now too, would always have a wink or two for me.  (Shit, I was cute back then!  A little toe-head, long, long hair, always hiding behind my big daddy because I too shy to even look at anyone else.)   And in those meeting they looked to him, my dad, and wanted to hear what he had to say.  His opinion mattered!  He was important!  My Dad!  After he retired, I LOVED playing office at home with all of his old stuff, pretending to be his secretary, answering phones, stapling and filing his papers..maybe that's why the cubicle jungle appeals to me so much. 

My job is mostly a support role.  I support 220+  Electronic Engineers (my dad was an Electrical Engineer) on a daily basis.  I purchase anything these EEs need for their little projects (don't get me wrong - these guys/girls are super intelligent with multiple patents in their names) that is NOT office supplies.  I know schematics, Bills of Material, transistors, resistors and diodes.  I know the complex part numbering systems for each vendor what can be substituted and when according to automotive standards.  I have a little 'Geek Speak' all my own.  My dad would be so proud.  I always admired my dad doing his job.  My dad could read a slide rule, and carried all of his pens in his pocket protector.  He wore suits and ties and he had his own desk!   I remember once asking him what would happen if you put (something metal) in the electric socket and he said, "It'll give you a little poke."  I wonder where my sarcastic nature came from, ahem! 

My sister shared this article with me and brought me back to those memories with my dad.  I'd never put the similarities or the times I enjoyed with him at his office to be similar to my job now together until today. Thanks, sis!

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/26/for-one-more-day-at-the-office/?emc=eta1

Writing Challenge

When I was out here the other day, I noticed that I hadn't written anything since my dad's birthday in March and I felt a little sorry for my poor neglected blog.  I looked over at my list of posts and the number is smaller than ever!  I enjoy writing.  It's a lot more fun now that I'm a grown up and I don't get graded on my work! 

I don't remember what I was searching for on a work related project but, I came across an ad about writing challenges for blogs and I clicked over to check them out.  I've tried these before and I have always pooped out but, this time The Alphabet Challenge intrigued me.

Starting May 1, I will be writing a post a day based on letters of the alphabet.  I posted this to my Facebook page as well, looking for ideas/prompts for each letter.  If you have any ideas, please submit them to me. For instance A - apple and I will write a memory or something about apples.  And sadly, I have to say this - this is not a "let's stump her" type of suggestion.  It's meant to trigger a memory or a thought to expand on, to tell a story.  Play nice, okay?

** I have all the slots filled!

Propaganda

**Warning: I am about to discuss a couple of VERY controversial topics and let me just say that we are each entitled to our own opinions.  I am not trying to sway or convert anyone and I appreciate the same respect.  I have closed comments to this post and for those of  you reading, you should have access to both my email and my Facebook, you may message me. 

Jeremy and I have enjoyed watching both Fireproof, Courageous, and I fully intend to watch October Baby as soon as it is released to DVD.  Both Jeremy and I have shared our thoughts on both Fireproof and Courageous as well as many other films by Sherwood Pictures. We had mentioned this to an acquaintance of ours and she offered a movie to us.  Jeremy finally brought it home last night.  Agenda: Grinding America Down.  And let me tell you - I FREAKING FREAKED over this movie.  I was PISSED beyond belief.

Okay - I believe there is corruption in our government, in America.  I believe it has always has been from the beginning of both.  I don't believe it is any one person or group, I believe is it government in general.  And, I as one cannot change it.  I can cast my vote but, in reality that is truly all I can do.  All I am willing to do.

It wasn't this movie that wound me up though.  It was a small scrap of paper inserted in the sleeve sending me to another website for the 180 movie documentary.  I included the link - watch it if you like.

I, a woman who is not capable, not able to bear children.  I have experienced more miscarriages than you or I could ever count.  And maybe even more.  I don't know the true number.  I don't want to.

I believe, or admit - to me, every miscarriage was a child.

I cannot dwell on my miscarriages as children or I will not be able to function. 

I believe God had/has a plan for me and my children.

I believe in adoption.

I am the parent to a child whose mother contemplated abortion.

I am the child of a mother who 38 years ago seriously considered abortion.  I have known this for all of my life.  I completely understand my mother's reasoning and my mother's choice.  I have never been angry with her for being honest.  I understood that is wasn't me - as a person - that she didn't want, it was another child.

That said - I. I am pro-choice.  I believe that a woman should have the choice as to what happens in or to her body.

Now that said, maybe because of my losses, I have my belief as to when life begins.  I have to say I believe there should be a limit on when abortion should or should not be done.  In MY experience, I can't consider my losses as children - they didn't have a face, I don't believe they had a soul, I had no flutters, there was no movement, no bond, and except for one - I didn't even know they were there.  Had it been different, I may think differently.

I am pro-choice but, I know if I were in my mother's shoes, I would make the same choice she made because I would not be able to live with myself or my choice.

If I were raped, you ask?  I can't answer that.  I can't make that decision not being in the situation but, I'd like to know I have the choice.  I can't say I could raise that child, I can't say I'd want that child to come to find me one day.  I simply do not know.

I am pro-choice.  You won't sway me.  You won't change my mind.  Even with your movies or your signs.

I believe in birth control.  I believe a woman should be able to prevent unwanted pregnancy. I do NOT believe in abortion as a FORM of birth control.

But, the biggest thing I do believe in IS CHOICE.  I don't believe in trickery.  I don't believe in propaganda or agenda, and I certainly don't believe it is up to someone else to force their beliefs or their religion down my throat.

I believe in CHOICE.  Plain and simple.

On the Eve

I'm sitting here at our dining room table, Jacob and I have just finished dinner - chicken nuggets for him, a burger for me and for brown dog.  You're not here again and I've gotten used to it.  Most times, I don't really mind.  It helps the times when you are here to mean more.  Jacob went out to play with his friend.  Now, I'm alone and I keep looking around this house, our house and I can't help but look back and think...

10 years ago, this house was a blank canvas.  Just waiting for me to put my touches on it and make it ours.

10 years ago, I had so much work to do on this house, I'd stay up until all hours.

10 years ago, I would wait up for you to come home at all hours.

10 years ago, I could sleep the day away if I wanted.

10 years ago, I could sleep past 7AM (my internal clock has changed, it's no longer possible).

10 years ago, we didn't have this furniture.

10 years ago, all of these walls were painted almost white.  And we had pom-pom curtains.

10 years ago, I didn't think the pom-pom curtains would fall apart in the washer.

10 years ago, you made me promise not to wash any more curtains unless we had money to replace them!

10 years ago, we had orange carpet.

10 years ago, we realized there was at least 20 years of dirt under that orange carpet!

10 years ago, we found out the carpet in the living room wasn't easy to replace.

10 years ago, we hadn't planned to wait 10 years to carpet the living room.

10 years ago, we picked wallpaper off of almost every wall.

10 years ago, we swore off wallpaper - forever!

10 years ago, we got our first pet.

10 years ago, I never thought I'd cry so hard when we had to put our first pet to sleep.

10 years ago, I thought only a freak would cry in bar over a dead cat.

10 years ago, I never thought you'd be there for me while I cried over our dead cat.

10 years ago, we felt so alone in this town.

10 years ago, I couldn't tell you the names of the folks in the houses next to us.

10 years ago, I thought we'd never get to know our neighbors.

10 years ago, I longed for the day when I'd be out and see people we know.

10 years ago, I never thought I'd pray for the day when I didn't see anyone we knew.

10 years ago, we had so many dreams.

10 years ago, I didn't realize how much our dreams would change.

10 years ago, we talked about having kids and starting our family.

10 years ago, I never would have thought we couldn't conceive a child.

10 years ago, I didn't know not being able to conceive a child would be pure hell.

10 years ago, I never imagined that hell could control so much for so long.

10 years ago, I never thought our family would grow by adoption.

10 years ago, I never thought I could love a child this much.

10 years ago, I didn't know our entire police force by name (first and last).

10 years ago, I never thought I'd be chasing our police force!

10 years ago, I was just learning not to head for the door when I heard fire engines.
10 years ago, I never thought we'd struggle with our faith.

10 years ago, I never thought my faith could be any stronger.

10 years ago, I thought this marriage thing was going to be as easy as apple crisp. (I can't make pie).

10 years ago, I didn't know this marriage thing would be one of the toughest things I've ever done.

10 years ago, I thought I had THE best friends.

10 years ago, I knew you were THE ONE.

10 years ago, I didn't know you were going to be my best friend.

10 years ago, I married my best friend.

10 years ago, I married you.

Happy 10th Anniversary, Jeremy.  The first 10 years have been tough and we have overcome some major roadblocks only to come out on the other side stronger than we ever thought we could be.  At times, it seemed we were always going against each other and now that we have finally learned to work together, I think we just might have this marriage thing figured out.  Like I said, the last 10 years have been tough but, I wouldn't want to have spent them with anyone else. I'm glad we made it through the last 10 so the next 10 can be even better!

Thank you for loving me and as always, I'm glad it was you.