Dear Abby - on the loss of a child

I read Dear Abby every day.  Sometimes I smile because I relate.  Sometimes I don't finish the article because I can't believe how ignorant some people can be.  Sometimes I save and article for future reference (intending to blog my thoughts or share a laugh with you later).  Today's article hit me like a ton of bricks.

You can believe what you believe but, I believe that unborn children are still children.  I believe the loss of an unborn child hurts just as much or maybe more.  As a mom who has experienced countless losses, with friends who have experienced countless losses, this really hit home for me.   In the 5 years since Jacob came to us, in the years since we quit actively trying to conceive, I haven't forgotten what it feels like to lose a child - to lose hope, to lose my dream, to lose my faith, to lose out on those sweet little souls - part me/part Jeremy, that I never had the chance to meet...

I thank God everyday for my beautiful son.  Maybe not as much as I should on the days when he's being a typical 5 year old boy but, it's taken a long time to heal my hurts.  It's taken me a very long time to accept that my purpose in this life was to be Jacob's mom.  I wasn't meant to carry a child.  I was meant to love this child.  And I do.  I do with all that I am and all that I have. 

PARENTS WHO LOST A DAUGHTER ARE NOW IN A DIFFERENT PLACE

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful 20-year-old daughter was killed in a car accident. I am writing this not only for myself, but for all parents who have lost a child, and to all of the wonderful people who asked, "What can I do for you?" At the time there wasn't much anyone could do to help, but after two years I have an answer: Accept me for who I am now. When Rachel came into my life, it changed me profoundly. Losing her did the same. Her father and I work hard to honor her memory, but we will never "get over it" to the degree of being who we were before. I am different now. In some ways -- I think -- better. I am kinder, more patient, more appreciative of small things, but I am not as outgoing nor as quick to laugh. I know people mean well when they encourage me to get on with my life, but this is my life. My priorities have changed. My expectations of what my future will hold have changed. Please extend to me again the offer of "anything I can do" and, please, accept me as I am now. -- DIFFERENT NOW IN RIVERVIEW, FLA.

DEAR DIFFERENT NOW: Please accept my profound sympathy for the tragic loss of your daughter. I hope that your letter will help anyone who doesn't understand that the death of a child is the most devastating loss parents can suffer and that the experience is life-changing. They may get beyond it, but they never get "over" it. To expect that they would is unrealistic, because it's a wound that may become less visible but never goes away.

Thank you my friends, who have accepted me for who I have become.  I could have never made it this far without you!

Birkenstocks and wool socks?

Somehow, somewhere, I've become more in tune with my eclectic side.  I don't know how it happened, when it happened or why it happened but, it did happen.

I think it started with a little Reiki, got encouraged by some soap, and now shoved over the edge by a small class on essential oils that I attended with the intention of improving my soap line.  Small soap lesson in 3...2...1 - the soap I currently produce contains fragrance oils which is a synthetic oil, or man made oil.  It's cheaper, more versatile, and can be made into any scent you'd like.  I'd like to get more natural and use some essential oils which are plant derived and open up my customer base just a little wider.

So, I'm in this class and I'm sniffing all of these oils, Clary Sage, Terragon, Nutmeg (which smells nothing of the nutmeg we think of) and Helichrysum (pain reliever).  Thinking to myself - this reeeeks!  Like this!  YULK!  I bought a few oils, took a few notes and went home eager to try these in some soap.  No big deal.

Only now, I don't just want to make soap with them.  I've been thinking about these oils and their amazing abilities.  I've been thinking about making candles with them.  And I've really been thinking about taking the Aromatherapist Certification class coming up in May.  Something is pulling me really hard in that direction!  I'm not a chemist - by any means!  But, I want to try so many things like what's the recipe for heartburn relief?  Is there something for Psoriasis or Eczema?  Athlete's foot?  Acne?  Digestive dramas?  And yes, there is one for baldness!  Can I put these in soap?  Shampoo?  Can I make a candle that burns away all of your stresses from the day?  I want to find out.

For now, I'm sticking to my brown loafers and athletic shoes, but if I do happen to end up a little overboard and you catch me in Birkenstocks and woolen socks, please send for help!

Candy Cane Lane

Jeremy took me past Candy Cane Lane once when we were either first dating or first married, I can't remember but for years, we didn't go back.  We brought Jacob down last year but, I didn't take any pictures - I seem to remember that it was COLD!  We finally made it back again without rushing through.  Though, I forgot how difficult it is to take pictures at night without a tripod (it's in the front hall - I remembered the camera at least) but, here's a few!

The rest of the year, this "castle" is a fountain.

"Mommy?  Can you take my picture with Rudolph?"  You can't see his red nose with Jacob's red coat.


Oh...and I found a new heaven!  It's called Sticky Toffee Pudding.  If you ever see it, never mind there are dates in it.  Just try it!  If you have tried it, tell me what you thought of it.

Festive Friday Nights

One of the little things that amaze me in our little city is this 'Festive Friday Nights' thing they do every Friday night of December in the weeks up to Christmas. 

We took a ride in a horse drawn buggy.

Have I ever told you that I love the smell of horses?  It reminds me of my Grandpa.  And the sleigh bells - oh, there's NOTHING like that sound!

We saw Santa.

Santa showed us how his elves make toys.

Our beautiful theater - all lit up.

And these hang from all of the trees downtown.  Aren't they pretty?

The 5YO Boy's Party!

I told you he wanted a Buzz Lightyear party!  I gave him a Buzz Lightyear Party!

This is Jacob's famous "I'm nervous, shy, embarrassed, or unsure" look.

All of the servers, the bartender, the manager on duty, and even a couple of guys from the kitchen came out with his cake and the candles lit, to sing 'Happy Birthday".  And I, I just cried.  That song gets me every time! (Can you see that white handled dish to the right?  It came out heaping FULL of pickles.  Jacob shared them with my brother.)



Five years ago today...

I remember working that morning, trying to finish some last things before being on leave for 2 months without a replacement. It was only a half day but, I’m so glad I went into work that morning, if nothing else, to keep my mind busy.

I left about noon to meet Jeremy and go to the hospital. We met up with A and her mom and followed them there. I think that may have been the longest drive of my life! Jeremy and I chattered about what Jacob would look like, how long labor would be, what would happen between now and his birth, and of course, if his biological parents would change their minds.

We all checked into the hospital at 2 PM. We took A. up to her room, she got changed and ready for the hard work ahead. The Dr. came in and got everything together to induce labor. And we waited, and we waited, we took turns going outside to smoke and we waited. A and I walked the halls, around and around, stopping first at the only the 2 diagonal corners so she could breathe through the contractions, and once that turned to stopping in all the corners, we headed back to her room and we waited. I remember the Dr. came in to ask if we wanted a baby on the 7th or the 8th. A. looked to us for the answer. “It doesn’t matter – do what’s best for him and for A.”, we said. The Dr. opted to help the labor along a little more and went to lie down.

The contractions increased but, she wasn’t making much progress. The nurse suggested a warm bath. A tried to relax, the contractions were increasing and the tub wasn’t providing much relief. A. crawled back into her bed. Jeremy took the opportunity to head outside. Soon after he’d left , the contractions were so close together, she could barely speak. A called for the nurse. When she arrived, she was hollering “don’t push, don’t push!”

A. finally spoke.  She yelled, “I have to he’s coming!”

There was no time to call for the Dr. The nurse moved the blankets, moved A’s knees apart and there was the most perfectly round, little head covered in brown hair. She was right, he was coming - he was here! December 7, 2005 at 11:15 PM my Jacob Andrew was born (Jacob = the last name of the guy that introduced Jeremy and I. Andrew = A picked for him). All 7 lbs. 15 oz. and 20 inches of him were finally here!

I called Jeremy’s cell phone and simply said, “Hi Daddy.  Come in and meet our son.”

Being Jacob’s mom these past five years, with all of the challenges, inconveniences, annoyances, smiles, laughs, tears, triumphs, the utmost pride, and absolutely overwhelming joy, have been the best 5 years of my life!  I'd do it all again, a hundred times over, with him.

Happy Fifth Birthday, (Bean, Toad, Jay, JB, JJ, Buddy, Babushka, Beautiful Boy) Jacob!

I love you more than EVERYTHING!

A few of my favorite things

Oprah does an episode, I believe it's annually, about her favorite things and as she lists these favorite things, everyone in the audience gets one of these faves to keep for their very own. I'm not giving anything away but, I thought it'd be fun to share with you some things I use or buy that I really, really like.  Of course, I'd take anything on Oprah's list too...

Shark Steam mop

Arizona Arnold Palmer Lite

Eli's Cheesecake

Bag Balm - for diaper rash

Cherry Republic - the cherry coffee, Original Cherry Salsa, and Boom Chugga Lugga Cherry Soda

Purex 3 in 1 Laundry sheets

Boogie Wipes

McDonald's Sausage, Egg & Cheese McGriddles

Starbucks Peppermint Mocha (let's not look at that calorie count, K?)

Hershey's Candy Cane Kisses (now I might have to add those cookies to the list!)

Homemade Soaps of any kind - including mine. I want to try these (they're cold process soap - I don't make that...yet).

Craftsmen 6-in-1 Flip Driver

Newman's Own Honey French dressing

Eddie Bauer Sweatshirts

MagLite 3D cell Flashlight

Tastefully Simple Bountiful Beer Bread and Spinach & Herb Dip.

Frankie Ballard's song - Tell Me You Get Lonely

Pampered Chef Apple Peeler Corer Slicer

Netflix

So those were things I have, I use, or have used.  Let's get into the Money-is-NO-object-Wish-List-portion:

Ford F150

HGTV 2011 Dream Home (even though I'm partial to Fords, I would take that GMC Acadia Danali too).  The Dream Home eliminates all kitchen appliances and home decor - I mean, it's the Dream Home, right?  It has everything I dream of!

Sleds.  One for me, one for Jeremy and of course, Jacob needs his own.

I'd even let Jeremy get his boat.

A trip to Alaska (the photos on this site are amazing!).

C'mon my other blogging friends.  I hope you'll share your favorite things! 

Spoiled Brown Dog!

Seriously!  Look at that face.  And she's so comfy.  Could you make her move?  Me neither!



We're a little over Kelsey's half birthday (as they call it in Jacob's preschool).  In honor of her 6 month birthday, Kelsey was spayed.  As cool as it would be for Jacob's dog to have puppies, Jacob's mom - she doesn't want to deal with that whole mess - and then trying to find homes for all those puppies!?!  With the spaying, she is also officially licensed.  Kelsey is weighing in at about 50 lbs.  Her back is about to my knees.  She's looks a lot like her momma.  We're working on walking - I can't walk her without using the Gentle Leader - she PULLS too much!  This head collar doesn't stop her from barking, it's not a muzzle, it just makes it difficult for her to pull.  She's learning fetch, and give - but she'll only give me the things that she doesn't really want.  She tries to hide and chew her other treasures.

And the cat...that poor cat!  But, I do love when I holler at Kelsey for chasing the cat and I walk into the kitchen where she's sitting so innocently pretty, as if to say "What Mom, I'm being a good girl?" with a HUGE tuft of orange cat hair in her jowels.  Reminds me of Tweety and Sylvester!  "Bird? pbblfft (as he's blowing out the yellow feathers)  What Bird?"

We had our first snow yesterday, Jacob and Kelsey had so much fun outside.  Kelsey kept wanting in and then back out.  She was running, jumping and eating snow!  She'll about tackle you for a snowball!  And she'll bite at your hands until you toss the one you're holding.  I spent a lot of the time watching the snowflakes land on her back.  Looking at each different one.  Her brown fur was a perfect background.  Sorry - no snow pictures, not a one turned out. I can't wait for more snow!