Tis my unfavorite season...

I love fall, Thanksgiving and pumpkin pie, I love the spirit of Christmas...I HATE the time leading up to it.

I feel like everything is all in a jumble.  My work slows down, Jeremy's work picks up.  I start planning holiday meals and gifts and shopping and wrapping.  It seems like there is never enough time to do everything I want to do.

Me, being the genius that I am, thought it'd be nice to do something different for Jacob's birthday this year and planned a little weekend away right smack in the middle of the holiday madness.  I'm not sure if this was an intelligent choice or the biggest flop I've ever done, I guess we'll see.

I'm feeling a bit of holiday blues already this year.  Jacob is getting older and the magic of Christmas is wearing off.  We have some work to do as parents to curb this spoiled-ness we've created.  It seems the world around us is more cold and distant this year.  Maybe I'm just not into it.

In some ways, I'm a little downed by my, not really expectations of people but, people that should behave better...or maybe just behave.  I'm so downed by people who are portraying themselves as people they truly aren't.  I'm tired of people trying to live up to other's expectations and not being true to their hearts.  I'm tired of people glossing over or avoiding their own problems yet quickly pointing out someone else's.  I'm tired of people avoiding situations because they can't choose right from wrong and would rather just not upset anyone.  I'm tired of falseness.  I'm tired of fake.  I'm tired of pasted on smiles.  And I'm tired of lies.  Let's face it, the holidays really do bring out the worst in people.

I always hoped that holidays meant spending time with family, and I think this year, I've finally taken it to heart - family isn't always the group of people you were born into, not always related by blood, family is often the people you choose to spend your time with.  You'd think being the parent of an adopted child, I would have learned this a long time ago.  It saddens me to have such a large family and we're not close at the holidays - or at all.  It just hits me hardest at this time of year.  That said, We are doing something different for Thanksgiving this year.  I'm still cooking for us but, we're having dinner with family.  A family that is very close to my heart.  A family that I took a little time away from and learned that I love them dearly and I need to get back to them.  They're not my blood family and it doesn't matter.

I hoping this little trip, this little Thanksgiving renews some love, some warmth in my heart.  There is a lot missing and I want this to be my FAVORITE season again.

I'm giving up on this 30 Truths thing...

These are just not fun anymore...they are quite repetitive and well, this stuff doesn't matter to me.  I also, don't think my views matter to anyone but me.

A friend of mine asked me about incense sticks recently, if I thought one brand was better than another.  My answer was simply - "I use X brand.  I have never tried B or C brand.  But, try B or C brand if you like them, use them."

I do what I need to do for me for my life, what is best for me and for my family.  You do what is best for you and for your family.  Just because we may not do the same things, it doesn't mean either of us are wrong, we're just not the same.  And that's ok.

Just think a minute, where would this world be, if we spent a lot less time judging or criticizing someone else for not being like us.

Here are the short and sweet answers to the rest of the questions.

Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on. - Look how great I am...
Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on. - Aw, Look how great I think I am and no one cares.
Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) - I'm not a music person.
Day 14 - A hero that has let you down. (letter) - I don't have heroes.
Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. - Things are just that -- things.  And someone - it'd be hard to live without my husband or my kid but, I could do it.  It may not be pretty.  I'd be a mess but, I could do it.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without. -- Repeat of Day 15
Day 17 - A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.  --  I haven't written a book report since high school and I don't intend to at 40.
Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.  -- It's all about love and who you choose to work hard with to make it work for the rest of your life.  Sexual orientation is not my business.
Day 19 - What do you think of religion? 

 I believe in God, the father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord.
He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary.
He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell.
On the third day he rose again.
He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the Holy Catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.

Or what do you think of politics? --  I don't discuss politics unless I am well informed. 

Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.  --  I don't use drugs. I drink in moderation.
Day 21 -Your best friend is in a car accident and you were in a fight an hour before. What do you do?  -- Pick up the phone and call her!Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.  --  Sorry, that one has been expunged from my record.  It's not public information and I won't make such.
Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.  -- I'm only 40 - it's not over yet.
Day 24 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Title and letter).  -- I don't do mix tapes for anyone.

Day 25 - The reason you believe you’re still alive today.  --  Because my work here is not finished.
Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?  --  Yes.  When I was a teenager, and that was one thing that I could control.
Day 27 - What’s the best thing going for you right now? -- Too much to count though I do count my blessings daily!
Day 28 - What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?  --  CRY.  Cry, and cry some more.
Day 29 - Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. -- To be better than I was yesterday.

Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself everything you love about yourself.  --  Nope, no more patting me on the back.  I'm a good person, I live a good life, no need to go on about it...again.

Veteran's Day 2013

The Noble and the Brave:
A Veteran's Day Tribute

When America had an urgent need,
These brave ones raised a hand;
No hesitation held them back;
They were proud to take a stand.

They left their friends and family;
They gave up normal life;
To serve their country and their God,
They plowed into the strife.

They fought for freedom and for peace
On strange and foreign shores;
Some lost new friends; some lost their lives
In long and brutal wars.

Other veterans answered a call
To support the ones who fought;
Their country had requirements for
The essential skills they brought.

We salute every one of them,
The noble and the brave,
The ones still with us here today,
And those who rest in a grave.

So here’s to our country’s heroes;
They’re a cut above the rest;
Let’s give the honor that is due
To our country’s very best.

By Joanna Fuchs

Thank you,

J. Alan Coleman, USMC

Bill Harper, US Air Force

Don Harper, US Army

My nephew, Jaz Livingstone - still in boot camp, Amanda Coleman, Cyle Slater, Chad Atkinson, John Sams, Floyd Peplinski, Brian Smith, John Bedingham, and Tom Truesdell, Tina Needham, Leah TerAvest and many, many more.

Thank you to all Soldiers for your service and dedication to our country.

30 Truths - Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

These are getting tougher...

There are people in all of our lives that maybe aren't ideal.  The ones who talk too loud, know it all, or don't treat us as we'd like to be treated.  Some may be related, some not but, we all have them, just think of my poor family - they have me!

I don't want to focus on any one person, that's not fair (or nice) but, I who have been thinking a lot about disconnecting from a very popular online social networking site, will share with you my peeves as of late.

If you recognize yourself I'm truly sorry if pointing it out offended you, just remember this:

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better." - Anne Lamott

I'm so tired of the whiners, "How come you have?  Where did you get?  How come I didn't? Whaaa!  Whaa!  Whaa!"

And the mood changers, "I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm happy, I'm sad."  They change almost every 20 minutes.

The ones who try to show you how great their lives are - They only ever share when they take a trip, or eat out, or do something the rest of us would be jealous of (if we were jealous people).

And the know it all - they know the contents of every encyclopedia, every law book.  They know every rule and regulation and love to call you on it. 

The perfect parents:  They just disgust me beyond words.  Yet, those parents who take these perfect parents to heart and judge their parenting by it, make me sad.  None of us are perfect!

The chronic liker:  They like every. Single.  Post.  You passed a test = Like.  Your dog died =  Like. This may never have happened to me nor could I possibly understand what you mean, I just like, like, like, like.

The drama queen:  My boyfriend slept with my best friend who is his best friend's sister's mother's brother's baby momma but, they're still friends and I looooove him and we're going to get married.

The Prom King and Queen - busy, busy, busy, friends, friends, friends, go, go, go, anything goes - we love everyone and we're having a ball - Just look at us! 

And then there's me - you never know what you're going to read or what I'm going to share and share often, maybe too often.

And so many, many more.

Social media has it's pluses.  I love being in contact with my cousins again, aunts and of course my sisters nieces, nephews and old friends but sometimes, every once in awhile I can't help but wonder if some people were just meant to stay in your past.  I believe that people we meet come along to either teach us something or to learn something.  By keeping them at our fingertips are we just creating more trouble for ourselves?  Are we interfering with the natural order?

Social media often just makes my blood boil.  Sure, it's easy to say "block" or "delete" but, it's not as easy to do - especially when/if people are confrontational or you post so often that people would notice if you suddenly disappeared.  It's kind of all or nothing, sometimes I wish I had never started.

30 Truths - Day 9 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

Someone?  One?  Sadly there are many.

When I left my little hometown, I, without knowing it would happen like this, without knowing I'd lose friends because of it, grew up, changed, moved on, revamped, almost every part of my life.  Slowly, ever so slowly, the things I once saw as fun - drinking, smoking, staying out late - all transitioned into things I didn't really want to do anymore.  The people that I hung around with wanted to keep going in this life but, it just wasn't the road I wanted.  Maybe it wasn't the road they wanted either but, I had the opportunity to move on, to improve, to make better choices and I took it.

When I started working down here, I knew I had a chance to reinvent myself.  No one knew me.  No one knew my family.  No one knew I'd been fired from my last job.  No one knew ANYTHING other than what I wanted to tell them.  I took that totally to heart.  Maybe to the extreme.  I didn't tell much about my life back home.  I worked hard, worked all I could, made new friends and a new name for myself.  All by myself.

I got really tired of always being the one to do.  I was always the one to do the traveling, to go back home. No one wanted to make the drive (effort) to come see me.  I could make the drive every weekend for every little thing every one wanted me to attend but, no one ever wanted to make that effort for me.  I began to question, what TRUE friends had I made?

I think it was my brother who said, you'll begin to notice every time you come home you'll see the same people doing the same thing they were doing when you left.  They'll cut you down every chance they get but, just watch, they'll still be there.  I began to think of the guys I hung out with in the bar - I'd been gone from home for about 7 years and this one guy who was sitting in the bar the day I left home was still sitting there every time I came back through town.  Same guy, miserable in the same job, with the same money problems, sitting on the same stool, drinking the same beer, bitching the same speech!  I knew then, I was the change.  I had the opportunity to do, to be, to change.  And I did!

As my job changed, I began to see people differently, and I'm sure to some I became snobby or stuck up.  I guess in a way, maybe I am.  I've learned that I can, as I call it, let my inner hillbilly run wild and free or...not.  I've learned that I choose.

As I changed, my tolerance for drama queens and bullshitters is not what it once was.  I don't tolerate either of them very well.  As I get older, it's more and more difficult to hide my intolerance.

As my thoughts changed, it was less about me.  It's not about my needs or my wants.  It's about my child, my husband, my family - it's about what they need.  About what they want.  Everything I do reflects on them.  I am responsible to be my best.  They deserve that.

I look at myself and this person I have become.  I'm still just as fun, I'm still just as mouthy, as 'speak my mind' as I've always been.  My morals, my values, my principles remain the same as they always have.  I've just grown up and it's important to me to live them.

I have lost some good friends through all of this.  I'll always be sorry/sad for that.  I wholeheartedly believe that there are no coincidences in life.  God brings us the people we need when we need them.  At every moment in my life, God brought me the right people.  I hope he gave me to someone at a moment when they needed me.  I hope they are sorry/sad and miss me too.

30 Truths - Day 8 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

I worked almost all through high school, after school, on weekends.  I didn't mind.  I had a boyfriend that lived in a different town and calling him was long distance.  I needed a job to pay the phone bill...and buy shoes.

I started working at this fast food restaurant somewhere in my Junior year.  I had a small idea of what I was getting into as one of my older sisters and my brother also worked there.  What I didn't know was one of the managers would hate me based simply on my sister being my sister.  This girl had started working there as a teenager with my sister and was EXTREMELY jealous of the relationship my sister had with the family who owned this restaurant. It didn't matter that my sister was now dead. My brother worked there for a short time, and this woman deemed him "a quitter that couldn't take it".  Yeah.  It was like that.

She talked about me behind my back to the other employees, most of which I went to school with.  I remember one year, we did secret Santa for our Christmas party, not only did she tell the girl I had picked that I had her name, she told her what I'd bought her as well.  Shame on me for trusting her enough to share. She would change my schedule after the owner had written it to better accommodate her minions - generally this made it so I didn't work with her but, made my weekends a little tough.

I am allergic to that really cheap, pink dish-soap and we often ran out of the restaurant soap so they'd go over to the grocery store and buy that cheap pink crap.  If I use it, my hand and arms break out in an itchy red rash, my skin scales - it's gross.  On my shifts, she'd hide our regular dish-soap and put out that pink crap just for me.  I overheard her one evening telling one of the girls not to wash glasses in that soap, and watched as she took her to the office and gave her a cup of the other soap. What a gal!

One weekend morning, I was working with her in the kitchen, I rarely worked out front, this old woman came in.  She ordered her lunch and was sitting at a table eating it.  I was back in the kitchen, the counter girl (another one of her minions) was working out front and this old woman screams "I'm messing!" and runs for the bathroom.  Come to find out, this woman had shit herself at the table. Shit on the chair.  Shit on the floor.  A trail of yellow water shit on the floor all the way to the bathroom.  And of course, all over the bathroom.

Normally, front of house people are responsible for the front of house.  I was back of house.  BUT, since I was not one of her chosen ones, guess who got to clean up the mess?  Yep, lucky me.  She wouldn't give me any rubber gloves.  Nor would she allow me to leave the store and go purchase any.  As ignorant as she was, she didn't give me anything antibacterial or disinfecting to clean this shit up with either.  I mopped up the mess with hot water, took the chair out and sprayed it with the hose while she and her minions took turns watching from the door laughing at me.

I washed my hands and arms as best I could, using the hottest water I could stand and went back to work.  I went home that night and told my mom what had happened.  She made me scrub again from head to toe.  I wouldn't let her call the owners.  It would have only made the situation worse.  I quit there one week after graduation and never looked back.

I've also learned how to stand up for myself and never allow myself to be treated that way again!

30 Truths - Day 7 - Someone who has made your life worth living for.

I disagree with this statement.

I do not believe any one person is responsible for another person's happiness, worth or self worth.  I live my life for me not for anyone else.  I'm responsible for my actions, my morals, my thoughts and my deeds. I choose. No one else has that power over another person.  No one should have that power over another person.  It's taken me a long time to realize that I control this life.  I control who comes in and who goes out of it (sometimes), I control how I react or if I don't. Sure, I have responsibilities to my family - my husband, my son.  My husband does not dictate to me what my responsibilities are to him.  I choose them based on my morals and principles.  It's my responsibility with my husband to teach my child to love himself and embrace who he is.  To make his own way and follow his own path.  To stand up for his beliefs and to compromise when he can.  I wasn't taught that.

Enough soapbox talk.

There are many people in my life that I love dearly, that I couldn't imagine a moment without. People who help to make my life GREAT!

Jeremy and Jacob, of course.  I could do it without them.  I don't ever want to but, I could.  I love my husband and my child but, neither of them make my life worth living.  I do that.  They are part of me but, they don't make me.  I couldn't ask for a better partner or friend than my husband.  I cherish almost every moment with him.  There are a few he could keep to himself.  :)  And my Jacob, oh my Jacob.  This kid is my sun and my moon.  And he is me.  All of my faults - he has every one!  But, he also has my heart.  He loves BIG and he hugs tight!  Like my mom, to lose one of them would render me a different person.  I would survive it but, I don't think I'd want to.

My family.  I have lost one sister and I don't want to lose any more, I have three, very different, very awesome sisters and my one and only big brother, I couldn't imagine this life any differently than what it is. They're my siblings, some days are great, some not so great but, they're still my family and no matter what, I love them all.  Seriously, did you really think you could take 5 fiercely independent, (I mean this in a good way and I'm speaking of myself here too) stubborn, opinionated and determined people, put them together and have us all never, ever disagree, never argue, never get angry?  Wow!  You must be naive!  We can and we do disagree but, at the end of the day, they're still my family.  I don't care.  I still love them!  God knows I love them!  And they love me too!  Right?  You guys do love me?  Don'tcha?  Hello?

My in-laws.  It's been a very tough road.  Like magnets, no matter how hard you try two Norths won't come together nor will two Souths.  At times, you can let yourself slide and flip to make an attraction but, some things you just cannot compromise, can't flip.  I have learned a lot of lessons with them and I have many more to go.  I hope one day it gets easier to flip direction and come together more often. I do appreciate them and I haven't given up all hope.

My friends.  Man, do I have some amazing friends.  It's a short list.  It's a distinguished list.  I like quality, not quantity and I've picked some great ones.  Some new, a few old but, really, really terrifically, great people.  I wish some of us had remained close and I'm sad for some that I have lost but, alas that is another post (coming soon in this challenge).

I'm sitting here counting all of you and I'm glad you're here.  I've pulled out a few memories and smiled.  I've thought of a few others and choked back some tears.   Even though I can't say you have made my life "worth living for", you sure have given me a ton of laughs, a bucket of tears, a bushel of good times, and just a little pint of sadness.  I wouldn't trade a moment of it.  I cherish it all.