Searching for the light

 I've been working on a lot of things lately. I've written before that I struggle with religion and church. I want to find a church home but, the more I think about it the more I struggle with organized religion. I'll always be a Missouri Synod Lutheran - if not in practice then in my heart. My dad made that choice for me 37 years ago, it was his wish, it's how I was raised and what I was taught.   I feel maybe as if that's one thing that he gave me/that he left me after his death.  It's my one tie to him, the one thing we had in common, all I have of him besides his looks.  I do think church has changed since my dad's time.  I struggle with a church family that only wants you for your wallet. You know, we haven't attended our church in almost 5 years and our pastor hasn't once called to check on us? Yet my phone still rings for a driver or a  dish to pass for a funeral, special meetings to ask for more money, you know - the church's needs.  What about our needs?  Is that the Christian way? If so, that's not the type of Christian I want to be.  It's not what it was when my dad chose for us.

I haven't been writing. This spiritual struggle isn't easy to discuss, let alone write about. I haven't been writing because as soon as you say religion - everyone turns and bolts. As soon as you say "spiritual" everyone says "oh yeah, like Tom Cruise?" It's hard for me to say that I'm working on taking steps more towards spirituality because it's really against everything I know or have been taught but, I'm also wondering if everything I know or have been taught is what this is!?!

I was given a note the other day and I want to share it.  This note, if you think about it, and take it back to organized religion - it fits but, it fits the spiritual avenue as well.  Christ said "I am the way, the truth and the life (I've also heard 'light'), believe in me and you shall have eternal life."  He said in John 8:12 "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."  He never said "Come on in!  Dump the contents of your wallet in this here dish and get outta my house!"

WOW!  Do you know how many bible verses refer to God or Jesus as light?  Just sayin' is all.

I'm not saying that I don't believe in the Father, the Son or the Holy Spirit.  I do, I most certainly do.   Can't I just believe in a higher power? Is that enough to give me eternal life with my creator?  Does it have to be tagged?  Does it have to be Lutheran or Catholic, Baptist or Methodist,  Buddhist or Muslim, Jewish or Pentecostal?  

Anyway, back to the note - the words are from the note, I added the photos from Photo8.com (they have a lot of great images free for use btw)

1.  The Heavenly Father is LIGHT

2.  The pyramid refocuses Light.

3.  Seek and you will find the Light.

4.  Serve the Light and you will find your freedom in the Universe.

I won a book!

I registered for a giveaway on Goodreads about a week or two ago thinking how fanatastic it was for these people to be giving away books and what a great way to expand my ever-growing library at a low or no cost.  I never thought I'd win a book but, I did!

I got an email notification last Thursday saying I had won and my book would arrive in a few weeks (4 to 12) so imagine my surprize when I found it in my mailbox yesterday!

I opened the package, and there it was Communion by Kim Fay!  BUT - there was an envelope taped to the plastic wrapping on the book - an envelope with my name on it - my name, spelled correctly! 

I opened it and found this note:

"Dear Gail,
Many thanks for your interest in Communion!  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
With warm regards,
Kim Fay"

The AUTHOR!  The author sent a personal note!  To me!  Wow!  I can't wait to start reading!  :)

Kelsey - our latest addition

We've talked about it and talked about it and we finally picked her out.   She'll join us July 14 - when she's a few days shy of 8 weeks old.

She's the one with the pink collar.  This is all of the brood with Momma.

Finally - my little girl!

Such a sweet face!

The Fly-In

Every summer our little airport puts on the West Michigan Fly-In.  They have a pancake breakfast, a car show and free airplane rides for kids ages 8-17.

So excited to go to "A party at the airport"!

And of course, the Allegan Fire District was on hand for the event.  Jacob is walking with Bruce, the Fire Chief.

Sitting on the New Pumper.

On your left, is our friend George, Jacob in the middle, and Bruce on the right.

Bi-plane owned by the big boss guy of the airport (I don't know what he's called!).  On the airport's newly acquired compass rose painted by The Ninety-Nine's of which Amelia Earhart was the first president.

"Let's go see the Blue One!"

Sadly, our fun was cut short at the Fly-In this year.  Temps were in the high 70's at 9 AM with 85% humidity with very dark clouds looming to the West.  The DJ's kept announcing that the planes would be landing later this afternoon once the weather cleared but, our Daddy-O had to go to work.  Maybe next year...

Father's Day 2010

We spent the afternoon on the boat with Jeremy's Dad.  I packed us up a picnic lunch and we headed out. 

Helping Daddy drive.

His first swim in the lake.

My little boy - in that BIG lake!

Driving the boat back - naked!

We had a really great day on the lake with Grandpa.  I think it might rank up there with one of the best Father's Days we have had.  Jacob learned to pee off the front of the boat.  He learned that it's okay to pee in your pants if you're in the lake and how to drive the boat in a big circle.  What a day!  What a day!  :)

Time for a haircut

I always thought that working part time was kinda wimpy.  Not that I think it's that way for you, I thought that for me.  I thought that if I went part time, I wasn't contributing my fair share.  I wasn't putting in enough effort.  I wasn't making it in the dominantly male (where I am) working world.  I was less for not carrying my own weight and a million other stupid thoughts.

Why the EFF did that matter?

And if you can find an answer, clue me in, huh?

Did you know that I was eligible for my pension over 3 years ago? At age 33, I had a completely vested pension. Did you know that by the time I turn 40 (which is coming soon), I will have been in my current job for 17 years?  Did you know that by the time I am 40, I will have been working in the Electronics Industry for 22 years?  Did you know that when I'm 40, I'll still have over 30 years to work before I can officially retire?  You know that my husband works some awful hours.  Did you know that with Jeremy's job/schedule it's difficult for me to schedule so much as a haircut?  That I have to plan my trip to the grocery store for his days off because I have a half an hours drive home and can't pick up Jacob from the sitter in time if I go shopping after work?  Do you know what it's like to have to choose between time as a family or as a couple and things such as mowing the lawn because there isn't always time for both?

I'm tired.  I'm tired of fighting with all of this in my mind.  I'm tired of missing him and wishing my husband was home.  I'm tired of trying to figure it all out.

So, I submitted an application yesterday to go 'part-time'.  If all goes as planned, I will have Wednesday (company choice and it's okay) off every week.  It'll be a little tough.  20% reduction in my pay.  20% reduction in my bonus.  20% reduction in my vacation time.  Is it worth 20%?  Is my sanity worth 20%?

I think so.  By the time I'm 40, I'm sure it will be.

Recent Jacobisms

Gail has suggested numerous times that I write these down or blog them. I'll be getting much better at this.

While on a walk today these were said within 3 minutes of each other:

As the fire chief pulls up next to us in his Tahoe "Daddy, it's him. It's really, really him!!"

Saying exhausted sounding, "Daddy, I just need to sit my butt down."