Little feets

As you read earlier, we took the rail off from Jacob's little boy bed. He now crawls in and out all by himself...kinda.

In the morning, I usually wake up when I hear him over the baby monitor as he starts to rustling around before he wakes up. When he's awake, he usually shouts "Ma!", "Da!" a few times. Remember, the rail is gone and he can get out anytime he wants, yet he keeps shouting until one of us tells him it's okay to get out.

The best part is hearing the pitter-patter of those little feets running down the hallway to our room. He comes to the side of the bed with arms up, wanting to come into our bed for a snuggle. He looks from side to side "Ma!", "Da!" pats our pillows and smiles, content that we're both there and he has our undivided attention.

The worst part is someday, that's going to end. He'll get out of his bed all by himself - without waiting for me to say it's okay. His little feets are going to get big and they won't pitter-patter down the hall anymore. He won't want to snuggle with us anymore. My little boy won't be little anymore. That - makes me sad.

I love little feets!

(and ooh! ooh! Cardinals are in 1st! too early to be excited? maybe. short lived? maybe. So what...1st is still 1st!)

Sleeping

Last night I got home from work sometime after 1AM. I did my normal routine to get ready for bed. As I was laying in bed trying to wind down, Jacob was being very restless in his room. I went to check on him and there he was sound asleep. Although, he was not in his bed. He was next to his bed with the top of his head against the wall and his forehead against his dresser. (We have just started removing the bed rail on Jacob's bed) I picked him up, put him back in bed, and he peacefully slept the rest of the night.

Now I realize I can still sleep through alot. But , boy do I miss the days when I could fall out of bed and stay asleep.

Self Evaluation

Jeremy does this thing for work called Self Evaluation. Every time I hear him say he has to do another one, I think how awful it must be to have to put yourself on paper for someone else to see or to grade. I know I think of these in a manner different to their intent. I tend to look at them on a personal level. What would you put on your paper if you knew someone else was going to look at it? If you knew you were to be graded as a person? Would there be things you would leave off for reason of humility? Or would you leave the not so good stuff there to try to improve on in the future, knowing someone else knows your faults and they're watching you?

I've been working on a Self Evaluation of sorts myself. I've been evaluating some friendships, some relationships, and I'm finding I haven't been the type of person I want to be. I've been holding on to so many burdens from my past that I'm pushing things away which could bring great joy into my future. I've been so stubborn and set in MY way, I wasn't seeing that there is another way, different from mine and though it's different, it's not wrong. I've pushed away potential for some great relationships out of my stubbornness. I've held on to so much ugliness. I've misinterpreted so many good intentions from others. I've clung on to hatred and meanness. I haven't given my best to my husband, my marriage, my in-laws, or my child. I know I am better than that.

I had taken the wrong approach in some things and could have lost one of the two most important things in my life. I had spent so much time looking for what I thought I wanted, I almost missed what I already had. I had taken the wrong approach in so many relationships, including my marriage. I expected more than I was willing to give and I expected what I wanted not what someone else was willing to give. In some ways, you do expect people to change to meet your expectations. Especially those you're closest to. It's easier if they change. It's harder to change your self. It's time I start pulling clinkers out of my own eyes (as Edna says) and get to changing.

I'm opening some doors I had closed, letting some fresh air in and seeing it all in a new light. I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm going to laugh more, live more, and do more. I'm going to make better relationships with the people in my life. I'm going to let other things just roll of my back and not take them to heart. I will do my next evaluation and be proud of myself because I'm a good person. I want the people in my life to know how much I love them, cherish them, maybe even admit I might need them. I want to wear out some kids on a spring afternoon to give their mom a well deserved break. I want to take Jacob to have dinner with his grandmas and host holiday dinners that are silly and fun. I want to make good memories. I hope I can get it all back, and find me again. I hope to take this as far as I can and I hope it's not too late to mend fences.

Dip, anyone?

Last night, I was home with my Jacob. Jeremy had to work but, he called as I was getting things together to take a shower. I sat on the bed to talk to him for a few minutes. Jacob had a bag of Honey BBQ Frito's to snack on and he was playing with the bathroom door. He'd shut the door and I heard "splash, splash, sploosh". I know he's too short for the sink, too short for the tub, and that leaves...uh-huh, my son was using the toilet as dip for his Frito's! I came in just as he was about to eat a freshly dunked twist. Someone asked me if I thought that was the first one, I'm sure it wasn't!

ADD and Me

OK... So we are talking about ADD. First let me give out the list of characteristics that define ADHD-I or ADHD predominantly inattentive.

1. easily distracted.
2. has difficulty sustaining attention span for most tasks in play, school, or work
3. has trouble listening when others are talking
4. has difficulty following through (procrastination) on task or instructions
5. has difficulty keeping an organized area (room, desk, book bag, filing cabinet, locker, etc.)
6. has trouble with time, for example, is frequently late or hurried, tasks take longer than expected, projects or homework are "last-minute" or turned in late
7. has a tendency to lose things
8. makes careless mistakes, poor attention to detail
9. is forgetful
10. daydreams excessively
11. complains of being bored
12. appears apathetic or unmotivated
13. is tired, sluggish, or slow moving
14. is spacey or seems preoccupied

For those of you who know me very well, you can see alot of that in me. And now that I know about it, so can I.

I first went to the Psychologist because I was having some trouble understanding why I was doing (or not doing certain things). After talking for a while he asked me if it had ever been suggested that I had ADD. I told him no , then he handed me the same list that I just typed out. And... Holy Crap!! Did I see myself. After a few sessions of testing he informed me that I was extremely intelligent (of course, who didn't know that) and if it weren't for the ADD he would be surprised that I didn't have a Masters Degree (boy, I can feel my hat getting tighter). But where my ADD lies is in my organizational and logistical areas. This comes as no surprise to some. After my initial diagnosis I was only instructed to start working on my organizational skills, the biggest example is making lists. Then following up on them. I can focus on something like this for about a week, then I just stop. The next time I went in he said he wanted to try me on meds. He has currently suggested four for my Family Physician to chose from; Vyvanse, Adderall, Concerta, and Focalin.

The question now is my doctor. Apparently a lot of doctors, especially older ones, see ADD as a myth or a crutch. Where others see it as a true disorder. Which way will my doctor see it? Only time will tell.

I could write on and on about this and what is going through my head, or sometimes the blankness in my mind. If anyone has any questions please leave it in the comments and I will answer them to the best of my ability.

Play Ball!

Talk about ADD...I can't believe I almost forgot!

Our St. Louis Cardinals played their season opener last night! They lost 1-2 to the Colorado Rockies. They finish a 3 game series on Thursday and head out to play the Nationals.

It's a fresh team this year, a lot of names I don't recognize. My expectations are pretty low but, we'll see what happens.

Hey, Flenar...the count is on. As of this posting we are tied at 1.0 game back. Not that the Cubs are a threat in any way shape or form. I mean, the last time they won a series was when?

Go Cards!

Jeremy is ADHD-I

I haven't been very informed since/with Jeremy's ADD diagnosis. It's not that I don't care what is happening or what's going on with him. I've simply taken a step back to let him explore this on his own and figure out where he wants to go and how he wants to handle it. We have exchanged some information in passing but we haven't taken the time together to sit down and really talk about details other than the symptoms.

I was hoping Jeremy would post and inform us all. Maybe he forgot (ha! ADD joke)! The ADD he has is actually ADHD predominately inattentive or ADHD-I. With ADHD-I, the I cancels out the H - which is the hyperactivity. The above link is quite good at explaining and Jeremy has more information from the psychologist he can share (maybe tonight, he says). The psychologist calls it Adult ADD with an emphasis on inattentive. Every search I have done on Adult ADD inattentive, takes me to ADHD-I. The papers Jeremy has brought home also reference ADHD.

Jeremy did see his psychologist yesterday. The plan has changed, as has the diagnosis. He told Jeremy he wanted to explore medication with him (I don't have the names or side effects) as a 1st treatment option and some minor behavior modifications, such as writing lists or instructions. Jeremy now has to go back to our family physician, with the recommendations from the psychologist to get a prescription. I didn't know this but, a psychologist can't write prescriptions, a psychiatrist can. We also found out that Jeremy's doctor and our psychologist have (ahem) run into each other before. We may be looking for a new doctor for Jeremy!

As always, don't be shy with any questions. We're learning too!